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Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Feminism sold a lie - Women, today, are worse off than ever

888 replies

ConservativeC2 · 28/10/2025 20:58

Listening to the women I work with, it's been interesting to hear their views about feminism and they are not happy. We are all millennial age so not too young, not too old and I keep hearing that it's the millennial generation of women that have absolutely lost out the most.

I think feminism initially promoted some idea of independence, equality and choice. Phrases like 'men hold all the money and power' at the time were very emotive whilst not entirely true. The correct statement then (and still now) is some men hold all the money and power. Most men back in the 50s-70s worked very long hours and spent pretty much all their money on their family. It was hard for everyone, but I think women were more empowered then than now.

In contrast to today, most of the women my age have to work. Whilst feminism promotes choice, most of them do not actually have a choice today. Most men today do not earn enough to run a household which means most women have to work. The worst part is they still do a larger share of the domestic work and childcare. So I think women now have it worse than ever - it's not just me, my female colleagues feel the same way. They've come to point in life where they want to start a family but they know they will have to come back to work.

Now it's all to do with feminism. There are other factors which has driven up the cost of living (inflation, property prices, profit extraction from multinational corporates etc).

OP posts:
ThankYouNigel · 29/10/2025 16:53

Paganpentacle · 29/10/2025 16:51

I think you're safe.
Most women wouldnt marry a man who expected you to stay in the kitchen.

You miss the point, and clearly don’t appreciate that women aren’t one group who all think the same.

For many women, what their husbands think is utterly irrelevant- they want to be at home. They love their homes, husbands and children.

I would divorce a man who tried to send me out to work away from my young children in a heartbeat!

Paganpentacle · 29/10/2025 16:54

Mrsnothingthanks · 29/10/2025 16:51

@Paganpentacle I think some women would actually like it if they had to resign from their job when they got married. It would give them a real excuse not to work.

True feminism would support them in their choice.
If their partner can support a household on one income- crack on.
Personally I prefer financial independance.

StandFirm · 29/10/2025 16:54

ThankYouNigel · 29/10/2025 16:49

You underestimate massively how resourceful women are, especially housewives, which is misogynistic in itself. Plenty walk back into the workforce if life demands that they must, even though it’s far from their ideal life. Plenty also re-marry with ease.

Edited

Nothing I said suggests I underestimate women. The point which I am making is that structurally as a society, we must continue our efforts to achieve equality. That also means having the options to go up the career ladder. I do also think that you completely underestimate the challenges faced by everyone in the workforce nowadays. It's hard to keep one's job, let alone just walz back into one. But that's maybe for a different thread. As for 'remarrying', why on earth should that even come into it?

childofthe607080s · 29/10/2025 16:55

PeonyPatch · 29/10/2025 16:47

The failure of older Mumsnetters to see the unique challenges faced by working mums of today is quite upsetting to be honest. Absolutely zero fucks given. I’m saying this as someone without children.

That’s shit

all we are saying is it’s not the fault of feminism

it is partly a failing - not gone far enough and partly a reflection of extreme capitalism

Thelnebriati · 29/10/2025 16:55

OCDmama · 29/10/2025 16:50

I really don't get this "most women were housewives in the past" bullshit. There's not been a single generation of women in my family who haven't worked as mothers.

The only difference is now we can choose our careers and demand fair pay.

Edited

The only people objecting to equality are those that think maternity leave is an example of feminising society to the detriment of men.

Mrsnothingthanks · 29/10/2025 16:55

@ThankYouNigel Are you married?

Paganpentacle · 29/10/2025 16:56

ThankYouNigel · 29/10/2025 16:53

You miss the point, and clearly don’t appreciate that women aren’t one group who all think the same.

For many women, what their husbands think is utterly irrelevant- they want to be at home. They love their homes, husbands and children.

I would divorce a man who tried to send me out to work away from my young children in a heartbeat!

Hopefully he can afford to pay the bills and not divorce you several years down the line when you have no way to support yourself, leaving you without money, pension or assets.

ThankYouNigel · 29/10/2025 16:56

MrsBennetsPoorNervesAreBack · 29/10/2025 16:53

It has nothing to do with "understanding". It is about beliefs.

You're entitled to your beliefs and to live your life as you see fit, but please don't try to patronise other women or imply that your way is somehow better because you and your H "understand" something that others haven't quite grasped. We understand your position, we simply don't agree that your approach to organising family life is better because it is notin line with our beliefs and values.

No, it’s always the women on here demanding that other women split everything 50:50 with their DH, failing to see that some women do not want to do that and are very happy running their own homes. I know many like that. People on here are beyond patronising.

SideshowItchy · 29/10/2025 16:56

ThankYouNigel · 29/10/2025 16:53

You miss the point, and clearly don’t appreciate that women aren’t one group who all think the same.

For many women, what their husbands think is utterly irrelevant- they want to be at home. They love their homes, husbands and children.

I would divorce a man who tried to send me out to work away from my young children in a heartbeat!

And I would divorce one who expected me to stay home and be a housewife after maternity leave.

BTW - is your username real or sarcastic?

StandFirm · 29/10/2025 16:56

ThankYouNigel · 29/10/2025 16:53

You miss the point, and clearly don’t appreciate that women aren’t one group who all think the same.

For many women, what their husbands think is utterly irrelevant- they want to be at home. They love their homes, husbands and children.

I would divorce a man who tried to send me out to work away from my young children in a heartbeat!

Interesting that you want your freedom to choose how to live your life, which is fair enough. But in a pre or post-feminist world in which men hold all the cards, your wants and needs mean nothing.

MrsBennetsPoorNervesAreBack · 29/10/2025 16:57

PeonyPatch · 29/10/2025 16:47

The failure of older Mumsnetters to see the unique challenges faced by working mums of today is quite upsetting to be honest. Absolutely zero fucks given. I’m saying this as someone without children.

So what exactly are the unique challenges faced by working mums today, do you think, and how do you think these challenges differ from those of working mums in previous generations? I'm genuinely interested.

CarterBeatsTheDevil · 29/10/2025 16:57

MrsBennetsPoorNervesAreBack · 29/10/2025 16:57

So what exactly are the unique challenges faced by working mums today, do you think, and how do you think these challenges differ from those of working mums in previous generations? I'm genuinely interested.

Me too! There's nothing unique about wishing you could work less and not being able to for financial reasons.

ThankYouNigel · 29/10/2025 16:58

StandFirm · 29/10/2025 16:56

Interesting that you want your freedom to choose how to live your life, which is fair enough. But in a pre or post-feminist world in which men hold all the cards, your wants and needs mean nothing.

I’ve always done exactly what I’ve wanted when I’ve wanted, unlike many poor women nowadays who are priced out entirely of staying at home, many of whom would like to. I’m very fortunate, and hope the cost of living comes down so more have this perfectly valid option again!

ThankYouNigel · 29/10/2025 16:59

MrsBennetsPoorNervesAreBack · 29/10/2025 16:57

So what exactly are the unique challenges faced by working mums today, do you think, and how do you think these challenges differ from those of working mums in previous generations? I'm genuinely interested.

I think working mums have it harder than ever. Parenting expectations have upped, social media wasn’t a thing years ago, the cost of living and housing crisis has meant more have to work FT whether they want to or not. All my working mum friends are exhausted and I feel very sorry for how much they are doing every day.

Mrsnothingthanks · 29/10/2025 17:00

@ThankYouNigel You're not married. And I'm guessing you have never been? I am but clearly I don't "love my husband, home.or children" because I work. Good luck finding a happy marriage in which you are treated with respect.
I'm also a Ms MyName. Do you also find that terribly horrific? 😆

StandFirm · 29/10/2025 17:00

ThankYouNigel · 29/10/2025 16:58

I’ve always done exactly what I’ve wanted when I’ve wanted, unlike many poor women nowadays who are priced out entirely of staying at home, many of whom would like to. I’m very fortunate, and hope the cost of living comes down so more have this perfectly valid option again!

But there we have it: the problem is clearly not feminism, it's the cost of living and an economy shot to bits.

MrsBennetsPoorNervesAreBack · 29/10/2025 17:00

ThankYouNigel · 29/10/2025 16:56

No, it’s always the women on here demanding that other women split everything 50:50 with their DH, failing to see that some women do not want to do that and are very happy running their own homes. I know many like that. People on here are beyond patronising.

I'm not demanding that you should do anything. If your current arrangement works for you and your DH, then it really doesn't matter if I think it's suboptimal. It isn't my business.

I do think that the default option is for couples to split everything 50/50, and any departure from that requires negotiation and mutual consent. But if both halves of a couple are on the same page with everything, then crack on and do what you like.

ThankYouNigel · 29/10/2025 17:00

Mrsnothingthanks · 29/10/2025 17:00

@ThankYouNigel You're not married. And I'm guessing you have never been? I am but clearly I don't "love my husband, home.or children" because I work. Good luck finding a happy marriage in which you are treated with respect.
I'm also a Ms MyName. Do you also find that terribly horrific? 😆

Ha I’ve been happily married for nearly 20 years, and I’m a very proud Mrs!

ThankYouNigel · 29/10/2025 17:01

MrsBennetsPoorNervesAreBack · 29/10/2025 17:00

I'm not demanding that you should do anything. If your current arrangement works for you and your DH, then it really doesn't matter if I think it's suboptimal. It isn't my business.

I do think that the default option is for couples to split everything 50/50, and any departure from that requires negotiation and mutual consent. But if both halves of a couple are on the same page with everything, then crack on and do what you like.

Well thank you for that- a refreshing change from many more dictatorial types on here. Wishing you and yours well however you arrange things too 💐

Mrsnothingthanks · 29/10/2025 17:02

@ThankYouNigel Oh yes - another "proud Mrs." What would happen if you divorced?

ThankYouNigel · 29/10/2025 17:04

Mrsnothingthanks · 29/10/2025 17:02

@ThankYouNigel Oh yes - another "proud Mrs." What would happen if you divorced?

Then I’d return to work, obviously. I would have been absolutely gutted to have had to when mine were younger and to have had no choice over that though.

MrsBennetsPoorNervesAreBack · 29/10/2025 17:08

ThankYouNigel · 29/10/2025 16:59

I think working mums have it harder than ever. Parenting expectations have upped, social media wasn’t a thing years ago, the cost of living and housing crisis has meant more have to work FT whether they want to or not. All my working mum friends are exhausted and I feel very sorry for how much they are doing every day.

But honestly, if you haven't ever been a working mum and you aren't one now, what do you actually know about this?

The CoL crisis has undoubtedly put pressure on families, but working mothers won't be feeling that more than SAHPs. Mums working FT isn't a new phenomenon.

As for expectations? That has more to do with the zeitgeist than with feminism but people don't have to get swept along with it all. They can set their own expectations, as previous generations have done...we didn't actually all neglect our kids in the past, you know!

Ihavepaidalotforthisstory · 29/10/2025 17:11

WittyTaupeFox · 28/10/2025 21:01

I remember a female boss telling me once “we can have it all - just not all at the same time”

sounds about right 🙄

Having it all is a myth. Nobody can have 'it all'.

Ubertomusic · 29/10/2025 17:11

Mrsnothingthanks · 29/10/2025 16:40

@Ubertomusic You wouldn't want your own daughter to get a decent job and be financially independent? Why not?

I never said that.

She has no choice anyway so what I think/want is irrelevant.

Bruisername · 29/10/2025 17:14

Women today are under no more pressure re childcare/work - it’s just different

but social media sets expectations that people didn’t have before