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Feminism sold a lie - Women, today, are worse off than ever

888 replies

ConservativeC2 · 28/10/2025 20:58

Listening to the women I work with, it's been interesting to hear their views about feminism and they are not happy. We are all millennial age so not too young, not too old and I keep hearing that it's the millennial generation of women that have absolutely lost out the most.

I think feminism initially promoted some idea of independence, equality and choice. Phrases like 'men hold all the money and power' at the time were very emotive whilst not entirely true. The correct statement then (and still now) is some men hold all the money and power. Most men back in the 50s-70s worked very long hours and spent pretty much all their money on their family. It was hard for everyone, but I think women were more empowered then than now.

In contrast to today, most of the women my age have to work. Whilst feminism promotes choice, most of them do not actually have a choice today. Most men today do not earn enough to run a household which means most women have to work. The worst part is they still do a larger share of the domestic work and childcare. So I think women now have it worse than ever - it's not just me, my female colleagues feel the same way. They've come to point in life where they want to start a family but they know they will have to come back to work.

Now it's all to do with feminism. There are other factors which has driven up the cost of living (inflation, property prices, profit extraction from multinational corporates etc).

OP posts:
Bruisername · 29/10/2025 12:38

The sad thing I get from the OP is that millennial women (I know not all) don’t seem to understand history at all. If they really think life was easier for women in the past then they haven’t bothered to read up on women’s (and men’s!) lives in the last 200 years.

and we seem to live in a time when people think life should be easy and they shouldn’t have to make difficult choices. No one seems to want to take any responsibility for themselves. Yes times are tough at the moment but no more so than in the past - just different. And go spend time in other parts of the world if you really want to appreciate how lucky we are

PeonyPatch · 29/10/2025 12:41

ThankYouNigel · 29/10/2025 12:27

Both incorrect. We live in one of the most expensive areas outside of London. We have a 3 bed end terrace which happens to have generously sized front and back gardens, which yes I take great pride in maintaining!

It wasn’t inherited, my DH and I bought it ourselves with our own money. We’ve been financially independent from our parents since our early ‘20s. We’ve been together nearly 20 years, planned ahead very strategically and are both completely in sync with how careful we are with money. I’ve never actually owned a credit card, had a car loan or anything like that. We’ve only ever had what we can afford.

lol, I call bullshit somewhere. How old are you? Did you buy your house on auction or something. Something doesn’t add up here - most expensive areas outside London on £45k a year household income 🤔

MNLurker1345 · 29/10/2025 12:43

Feminism gets blamed for what’s really an economic shift. Households do better with two incomes, that’s the message and that for most is the aspiration. Feminism and its call for liberation has been turned into obligation, and women carry both the productive and emotional loads.

It’s not that feminism has failed or lied
to us, feminism has been absorbed into the system as productivity. Feminism’s message of “you can do it all”, has been distorted by the system and become “you must do it all”. We are all just resources!

But believe me OP, it really isn’t worst than ever. I think because your generation does have a voice you can be more vocal and rage against the system. Surely that is a benefit of feminism.

JFDIYOLO · 29/10/2025 12:43

Feminism has brought us huge benefits. I think the whole 'well you wanted equality 🤷‍♀️...'. crowing is a smokescreen, a derailing of the whole conversation.

Still work to do and I think the current conversation needs to be around the fact that too many men and boys see women as somehow not quite human, not quite ... people.

Seeing women - including those who work full time - as the default parents, housekeepers, kin keepers, diary keepers, knowledge keepers, cleaning and laundry keepers etc etc etc.

As a kind of domestic appliance met with bemusement when it stops working as advertised. Including the incomprehension so many fathers seem to experience when the partner who previously properly centred them is now inexplicably and inexcusably centring an utterly helpless other person with first dibs on her body and attention.

Where this comes from, the whole incel movement, the 'male loneliness epidemic'
needs addressing - and it's not purely women's work to do that. It's everyone's.

A sea change in thinking is needed and it starts at home. Through a feminist lens.

arcticpandas · 29/10/2025 12:44

RubySquid · 29/10/2025 12:08

I suspect if the wives didn't want children or the husbands had to do everything for them from birth then 95% of men would choose not to have them

Ha. My DH def wanted children. Some men do... but you can't predict hidden disabilities..

Naunet · 29/10/2025 12:51

What an absolute load of self indulgent bollcks. Men no longer have the right to rape and beat their wives, it is also no longer a property crime, women can't be descriminated against, can have credit and a mortgage, can vote, have access to the pill etc, but boohoo, you have to work and support yourself like an adult, my heart breaks 🙄 Go move to Afghanistan if you hate having rights so much.

ThankYouNigel · 29/10/2025 13:00

PeonyPatch · 29/10/2025 12:41

lol, I call bullshit somewhere. How old are you? Did you buy your house on auction or something. Something doesn’t add up here - most expensive areas outside London on £45k a year household income 🤔

I adore that you can’t comprehend that a couple are capable of budgeting on £45K whilst having one parent at home. Many do this on less.

I’m 39, DH 40. Bought our house 14 years ago with a 15% deposit. Granted, we couldn’t afford this house now starting out- it has rocketed in value (as I said, we live in a very expensive area). We were 8 years into a 30 year mortgage when I resigned, our monthly payments have dropped a great deal as we’ve been steadily paying off the equity, not just the interest. I put off having my first child until they dropped enough, despite wanting to get started having children in my early 20s, I ended up being 32, but wait was worth it to stay at home.

The main difference between ourselves and friends we know is that we stuck with our first home and didn’t do a second move purchasing a 4 bedroom, bigger overall home. We’ve also never run more than 1 car, which we bought outright from savings from our earnings when we both worked, so no car loan when I resigned. DH got rid of his gym membership and actually prefers running outside. Changes can be made.

ObelixtheGaul · 29/10/2025 13:03

I'm gen X, born in the 1970s. Up until the year after I was born, my mother couldn't have got a mortgage on her own, even if she'd had the finances, because women weren't allowed to do so. That's the type of thing people talk about when they talk about men having the power and control.

Yes, Men were working all hours to feed their families, but that wasn't because the women were sat on their arses expecting to be provided for, it was because the means to earn a living as a woman were far more limited. You could legally be fired for being pregnant. You could legally not be employed in the first place because you were a woman. Many women who were in employment were being paid a pittance, often less than their male equivalents, with no opportunities for promotion. There wasn't much choice but to rely on a man's wage if you had kids, because his would be more than you could earn as a mother who would be turned down at many places of employment because she WAS a mother.

My own mother worked for a company which, perfectly legally at the time, only offered pensions to men. Again, forcing this reliance you seem to think was some easy street of not having to work for a living.

The only woman in my family who didn't work outside of the home was one grandma who was a farmer's wife, so worked on the farm. My other grandma had several jobs to help make ends meet, limited by her lack of education, which again affected women more than men, because education for women was less valued, and limited because she had children to bring up and 'flexible working hours' didn't exist, then at all.

They still didn't exist when my mum worked when I was a child. If we got sick, she had to lie and tell them she was ill. Time off for sick children wasn't permitted. Neither was asking to leave at 3 for the school run, so I went home on my own to an empty house at the age of seven, until my sister got home later from secondary school.

It wasn't all grandparents five minutes down the road and husband's earnings covering all costs.
If you were unfortunate enough to find yourself on your own in the decades you think were so much better, you were pretty much buggered.

Women often married because they had to. A husbandless woman was limited as to her earnings and opportunities even without children, but especially with children. Not to mention, if you were married, your husband could rape you. Shockingly, marital rape was not criminalised in the UK until 1991. Rape in general wasn't legally defined until 1956. Domestic abuse, even in the eighties,was rarely considered a police matter

Not in a million would I think women are worse off today because more of us have to work to keep a roof over our heads as well as childcare.

At least I can sign a cheque without my husband's agreement, get contraception without his permission, get a mortgage on my own if I have the finances, and my husband isn't legally permitted to force me to have sex against my will.

It is possible for me to function without a man, legally, even if it is difficult financially. And that, to me, is the biggest difference, the biggest gain.

PeonyPatch · 29/10/2025 13:12

MNLurker1345 · 29/10/2025 12:43

Feminism gets blamed for what’s really an economic shift. Households do better with two incomes, that’s the message and that for most is the aspiration. Feminism and its call for liberation has been turned into obligation, and women carry both the productive and emotional loads.

It’s not that feminism has failed or lied
to us, feminism has been absorbed into the system as productivity. Feminism’s message of “you can do it all”, has been distorted by the system and become “you must do it all”. We are all just resources!

But believe me OP, it really isn’t worst than ever. I think because your generation does have a voice you can be more vocal and rage against the system. Surely that is a benefit of feminism.

How exactly do we rage against the system? We are trapped in a cost of living crisis. There’s an illusion of choice. We simply don’t have the choice of not working.

SideshowItchy · 29/10/2025 13:18

Ubertomusic · 29/10/2025 08:56

Yeah, blame the victim, it's so incredibly feminist 😁

How the fuck is that blaming the victim?

No one is forcing a woman to stay with a man who doesnt pull his weight.... THANKS TO FEMINISM!!

MNLurker1345 · 29/10/2025 13:19

PeonyPatch · 29/10/2025 13:12

How exactly do we rage against the system? We are trapped in a cost of living crisis. There’s an illusion of choice. We simply don’t have the choice of not working.

You have a voice and you are expressing your rage at the fact that you “don’t have the choice of not working”. Genuine question, do you want
to stay at home, looking after children, husbands and home. Do you want men to work to facilitate that life? You speak about choice, what does choice look like to you?

Barnbrack · 29/10/2025 13:23

Not read beyond the op but what absolute nonsense. I'm an elder millennial and 1 of 4 sisters. My mum was a sahm. We all have careers, choices, some work part time some full time some married some not some with kids some not. So here we are. Happy, confident women with choices. Exactly what feminism was all about. If my husband had a personality transplant tomorrow and punched me I'd confidently and financially happily walk away. My mum didn't have that option. Nor did her sisters. Everyone's fate hinged on who they'd married.

MrsBennetsPoorNervesAreBack · 29/10/2025 13:26

I'm irrationally annoyed by the OP and others on this thread who are unwilling to recognise even a fraction of how much previous generations of feminist women have done for them. How on earth can they be so ignorant?!

I would be so utterly ashamed if my own dd was so clueless. I really hope that I have done enough to educate her about those incredible women upon whose shoulders both she and I stand.

Ubertomusic · 29/10/2025 13:26

MNLurker1345 · 29/10/2025 13:19

You have a voice and you are expressing your rage at the fact that you “don’t have the choice of not working”. Genuine question, do you want
to stay at home, looking after children, husbands and home. Do you want men to work to facilitate that life? You speak about choice, what does choice look like to you?

I'd love to, yes. It's much better for young children to be cared for by their mum, not strangers.

But I've never had a choice not to work.

EvelynBeatrice · 29/10/2025 13:26

ConservativeC2 · 28/10/2025 20:58

Listening to the women I work with, it's been interesting to hear their views about feminism and they are not happy. We are all millennial age so not too young, not too old and I keep hearing that it's the millennial generation of women that have absolutely lost out the most.

I think feminism initially promoted some idea of independence, equality and choice. Phrases like 'men hold all the money and power' at the time were very emotive whilst not entirely true. The correct statement then (and still now) is some men hold all the money and power. Most men back in the 50s-70s worked very long hours and spent pretty much all their money on their family. It was hard for everyone, but I think women were more empowered then than now.

In contrast to today, most of the women my age have to work. Whilst feminism promotes choice, most of them do not actually have a choice today. Most men today do not earn enough to run a household which means most women have to work. The worst part is they still do a larger share of the domestic work and childcare. So I think women now have it worse than ever - it's not just me, my female colleagues feel the same way. They've come to point in life where they want to start a family but they know they will have to come back to work.

Now it's all to do with feminism. There are other factors which has driven up the cost of living (inflation, property prices, profit extraction from multinational corporates etc).

Personally I am glad that I can vote and own property in my own name, borrow and have a mortgage, that marital rape is now a crime, that I didn’t have to give up
my job when I married, that I have the right to equal pay for the same work, that my daughters can study all the same academic subjects at school and university as my sons etc etc.,,

ScrollingLeaves · 29/10/2025 13:26

shuggles · 28/10/2025 21:03

@ConservativeC2 Phrases like 'men hold all the money and power' at the time were very emotive whilst not entirely true. The correct statement then (and still now) is some men hold all the money and power. Most men back in the 50s-70s worked very long hours and spent pretty much all their money on their family.

Anyone who hasn't worked this out by the age of about, 12, probably isn't the sharpest knife in the drawer.

In contrast to today, most of the women my age have to work. Whilst feminism promotes choice, most of them do not actually have a choice today. Most men today do not earn enough to run a household which means most women have to work.

You can choose not to work. You just have to ensure that you're the 1 woman out of 100 who has a relationship with a man within the top 1% of earners.

Edited

The SAHM mums I know:
One married to someone working for the church.
The other to a primary school teacher.

They are intelligent women who could have had successful careers g and maybe still will later. They are both happy and both have several lovely children. They do not have lots of luxuries.

So not husbands who are top 1% earners.

Their lives must be difficult in some ways though.

childofthe607080s · 29/10/2025 13:26

I am not worse off than my parents and grandparents

I was able to work on a career I loved that previously would not have accepted women - I would not have made a good sahm !

I was able to leave an abusive relationship - a luxury not granted to my lovely grandmother

I found ( eventually) a life partner who is fully functional and can share household chores or do them all if I am poorly or away.

I think it’s a reach to blame feminism for the house price problem which leads to both partners working

house prices have risen so much faster than general inflation as a direct result of the council house give away and that has made housing our biggest costs. Not feminism . Housing greed

PeonyPatch · 29/10/2025 13:27

MNLurker1345 · 29/10/2025 13:19

You have a voice and you are expressing your rage at the fact that you “don’t have the choice of not working”. Genuine question, do you want
to stay at home, looking after children, husbands and home. Do you want men to work to facilitate that life? You speak about choice, what does choice look like to you?

I personally would like to have a child and work part-time but as it stands, we simply can’t afford it.

MNLurker1345 · 29/10/2025 13:27

PeonyPatch · 29/10/2025 13:27

I personally would like to have a child and work part-time but as it stands, we simply can’t afford it.

Why?

ThankYouNigel · 29/10/2025 13:31

PeonyPatch · 29/10/2025 13:27

I personally would like to have a child and work part-time but as it stands, we simply can’t afford it.

I was so intent on being a SAHM that if we couldn’t have stayed in our current house my DH knew we’d be moving to a different area entirely/downsizing further to a flat. It was non-negotiable for me.

If you really can’t afford to have a child and work part-time then I whole heartedly agree that you should have that choice, and I feel sad for you and anyone who wants to be at home more who is priced out of that choice, it’s wrong and nothing to be proud of as a society.

PeonyPatch · 29/10/2025 13:33

MNLurker1345 · 29/10/2025 13:27

Why?

What do you mean why?! I’m not about to divulge my full financial and job situation with a stranger on the internet. No female my age in my circle can afford to work part time. We live in South East of England. House prices are extortionate, salaries haven’t kept up with these prices or the cost of living. I am mid 30s. Went to uni 3x to be in the career I’m in. I simply need more equity / more savings behind me but have only really started earning a good ish wage since I qualified 3 years ago. Happy?

Most women imo on Mumsnet with “choices” are those with inherited wealth or assets, live in a cheaper area ie up north or different country altogether, have higher paid jobs or partners in high flying jobs.

childofthe607080s · 29/10/2025 13:33

PeonyPatch · 29/10/2025 13:27

I personally would like to have a child and work part-time but as it stands, we simply can’t afford it.

But it’s not feminisms fault is it?

You probably can’t afford it because of housing prices

these are not something feminism altered
they have been out of control since the council homes were sold for nominal prices to the sitting tenants. This reduced the availability of good quality safe tenancies and caused the housing crisis - private landlords now making millions out of housing stock that UK taxpayers built

talk about blaming women for everything !

GreenCandleWax · 29/10/2025 13:39

MrsBennetsPoorNervesAreBack · 29/10/2025 12:30

@ConservativeC2, are you actually going to come back to the thread to tell us what you think after reading the many excellent posts which have highlighted the various ways in which feminism has benefited women?

Or did you just want to post your tradwife views without really engaging in any discussion?

She is probably asking her husband's permission.

CarterBeatsTheDevil · 29/10/2025 13:40

PeonyPatch · 29/10/2025 13:33

What do you mean why?! I’m not about to divulge my full financial and job situation with a stranger on the internet. No female my age in my circle can afford to work part time. We live in South East of England. House prices are extortionate, salaries haven’t kept up with these prices or the cost of living. I am mid 30s. Went to uni 3x to be in the career I’m in. I simply need more equity / more savings behind me but have only really started earning a good ish wage since I qualified 3 years ago. Happy?

Most women imo on Mumsnet with “choices” are those with inherited wealth or assets, live in a cheaper area ie up north or different country altogether, have higher paid jobs or partners in high flying jobs.

But why is that because of feminism? Seriously? No one on this forum is going to let anyone get away with nebulous complaints like "feminism said I could have it all and I can't". What feminism works for is getting women on an equal footing with men and keeping them there. It's not about giving individual women everything they want regardless of general political and economic issues. How many men do you think can typically afford to work part time in the circumstances you describe?

MNLurker1345 · 29/10/2025 13:49

PeonyPatch · 29/10/2025 13:33

What do you mean why?! I’m not about to divulge my full financial and job situation with a stranger on the internet. No female my age in my circle can afford to work part time. We live in South East of England. House prices are extortionate, salaries haven’t kept up with these prices or the cost of living. I am mid 30s. Went to uni 3x to be in the career I’m in. I simply need more equity / more savings behind me but have only really started earning a good ish wage since I qualified 3 years ago. Happy?

Most women imo on Mumsnet with “choices” are those with inherited wealth or assets, live in a cheaper area ie up north or different country altogether, have higher paid jobs or partners in high flying jobs.

I was not expecting you to divulge your whole financial situation to a stranger on the internet and you know I wasn’t. So my question wasn’t meant to offend you. Many posters on MN give a brief overview of their situation, that’s how it works.

My DD, 31, has 2 degrees, is a nurse, is doing a
masters, has two children, is married, has just
launched her own business, goes to the gym,
has her eyebrows done. Both her and her DH,
do the DC activities and care equally. She is none stop. She does get very tired. Her husband is a tradesman. He’s not perfect, but he does his bit. My DH and I do our bit too!

She actually gave up work to pursue her dreams,
they have had to tighten their belts, considerably. But they will get there. They live in the SE of England.

There is always a way in this country. You might just need to make other choices. That’s my point.

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