Would you do a relentless and stressful job if it meant being very, very comfortable?

[cheeseandbranston]

I am dyslexic and dyscalculate so I have struggled to do normal jobs. But I have a couple of skills I’m exceptional at, so have always got by, freelancing doing just those things and avoiding the things I am bad at.

after I got divorced, I really struggled financially (no parents or family) which was really frightening as I live in an expensive city and have two teens. The freelance wasn’t always reliable, and I was responsible for everything, (50/50 divorce, no maintenance)

so I hustled really hard and got an extremely senior job. It puts me in the top 1 percent of earners bracket. We have plenty of money, I take them of lovely holidays and say yes to just about everything. I have a massive mortgage but it is only about a quarter of my take home, I buy lovely furniture and clothes. I save quite a bit every month too.

but I get up at 6 every day, don’t get home until 7 or 8, don’t take lunch breaks, and hardly do anything but work. I often work the mornings on weekends too, until the kids get up. I’ve lost 3 kilos since I started the job from not having time to eat, and I used to exercise every day and now I hardly ever do,

also it’s really stressful. I make mistakes nearly every day which is embarrassing and I have to stand up in front of hundreds of people saying sensitive things that if I were to get wrong they would be huge problems. I’ve had to change other peoples jobs, and be responsible for things I only just understand. My boss has a rotten temper and has been pretty unpleasant on a couple of occasions.

I think it’s unsustainable but maybe it’ll get easier when I’m used to it? I’ve never had a normal job before.

also, I don’t know what else I’d do if I didn’t do this. It’s not the kind of opportunity that will come up again.

would you do it if you were me?

I would do it for a few years but make sure I had a monthly budget and that every £ brought home was doing a job. Mainly focused on bringing the mortgage down as quickly as possible and investing, with a couple of nice holidays a year. You don't want to burn out or leave and think you could have achieved so much more with the money to make the hours worth it.

I am you and have been doing that job for five years. I am desperately trying to downsize my job but it's hard without losing it altogether. It's not worth it for me.

Why not do this job but massively decrease your expenses, then you can quit after a few years with a smaller mortgage paid off, and memories of happy but more basic holidays?

Do it for another year and then go off sick with stress.

Do you really need such a massive mortgage? A nice house is a nice to have but I’ll bet your kids won’t care if you live a bit further out or in a smaller place. Ditto holidays - the ones we have the fondest memories of were caravan and camping type holidays. I hate to say this as a working mum too, but they’d probably benefit from more time with you as well if they’re very young and there isn’t another close care giver on the scene.

I’d give it a bit more time as you’re new in role but I don’t think the stress is worth it long term. Anxiety is a terrible thing and it can really affect you mentally and physically. Look for mentoring or other supports too whilst you’re in role.

No. I could go and work in a law firm tomorrow and get paid 50% more at least than in my current job, but I would burn out really fast (I've been there) and wouldn't last long.

Be very careful and selective when "downsizing" your job though @cheeseandbranston. There are a lot of poorly paid and equally shit and stressful jobs out there.

No. Because if I found my job relentless and stressful I wouldn't feel comfortable at all. Comfort is the balance between enough money to have a decent quality of life, while leaving yourself enough time, energy and peace of mind to enjoy it.

I'd do it, but set a time limit for yourself so you've an end point in mind. My job is very stressful and I'm always playing catch up on weekends and in the evenings. However, I get rubbish pay for it and, according to an advert I saw yesterday it is in fact slightly less than a bus driver, despite requiring significant qualifications. I'm not saying my job is more stressful, but it would definitely help if I felt well remunerated.

How have you managed to secure a big mortgage, take your children on multiple lovely holidays and buy lots of clothes and furniture in 4 months while working 70 hour weeks and weekend mornings?!

In any case, do this job as long as it takes to build up a good level of investments/savings then change jobs before you completely burn out. Good luck.

Thank you again all. I can’t believe how many of you have responded.

I am taking from this:
the opportunity is rare, and there are plenty of jobs just as intense and worse paid
that it might get better over time
that I should shape it and see how to make it more managable
that I should spend less, get an advisor and plan long term
that I should have an exit strategy, but years not months

to the person who is suspicious - I got divorced, moved into a tiny flat that didn’t work for the kids. Struggled for quite a while. Changed sector and market and as a result my freelance rate was much higher. I worked around the clock, mostly on aDenali as I felt out of my depth, and I made a huge amount in two years.
after such a struggle, we’ve had some nice holidays.
Then this year I used that to move to a bigger place (still not glam, my city is insanely expensive just for an okay place). Then one of my freelance clients offered me this job, I was hesitant but 4 months ago, freelance was looking quiet, so I took it.

as an aside, I find it a bit odd to be so suspicious. Why on earth would I spend time telling a long and ultimately straightforward/ dull story if it wasn’t true?

I think it’s important to know that just because you don’t have all the details on something, it’s not necessary to assume some kind of ill intent.

Sorry OP, I was one of the people being suspicious, because your post made it sound like it was the new job that afforded you the big mortgage, multiple holidays and free spending, and not that this had been achieved with the freelance work. Which makes me wonder, if you had such a lovely lifestyle before taking on this high pressure job, why not go back?! You clearly don’t need this job to fund a nice lifestyle!

Sorry if this isn’t what you were asking/your point of the post…

I wouldn’t as I wouldn’t put anything above my mental health.

I also feel that if I had a job like that I would never see my children… and that’s non negotiable for me.

Honestly, I would only do this kind of job if it meant that I couldn’t make my daily outgoings without that level of finance, and even then I would be looking for something else. If you are concerned that you aren’t going to be able to get anything anywhere near close, or perhaps not be able to meet your mortgage, bills etc, then maybe the next few months whilst you look around for something else, you could try to save what you can rather than keep spending, so you’ve got a bit of a cushion.

I would do it for a year or two, not waste money on nice furniture etc, but build up savings and then do something part-time or less stressful.

There's lots of low paid, highly stressful, long hours jobs though so it's not the worst.

Thanks all. This has been super useful. The reason I moved from freelance to this is further up the thread- freelance is looking quiet at the moment. Being the only person who earns and not knowing what next looks like is also stressful, in a different way.

to the questions about how much I see my kids. Yes, I would never do this when they were small. I still take them breakfast in bed every day, make packed lunches and do all the normal things. Now they are teens, i work before they get up, or when they are out. I find that so long as I put dinner on the table for us all to chat, do all the lifts, and do lovely things/ homework/ holidays/ give lifts etc, I mostly only miss school hours and 3-4 hours after. I think that’s similar to most people with jobs.

this thread has made me think I’ll stick with this and try and shape it more to something I can manage. I do already save a fair bit, but I could probably slow down on spending a bit more too. It’s just, it’s nice to feel good about our home, do nice things, have a bit of fun!

thanks again for all the people who took time to comment.

Okay this paints a very different picture and it honestly sounds like a lot of people’s jobs who probably earn a lot less. In your OP you said you finish at 7-8, but you’ve clarified here that you cook and serve your kids dinner every night so I assume you’re fully remote and can step away from your desk to cook, chat to your kids, help with homework etc. and it’s not a solid 8am-8pm work day with commuting and whatnot.

Based on the above, I would stick it out. Flexible, remote senior jobs are few and far between.

God no. Spending money leaves me cold, I couldn't give a toss about material possessions beyond the basics.

@Crushed23no only remote 1 day a week but only 20’mins door to door. ‘Cooking’ means a lot of chicken and salad, so I get in at 7 or 8 and we eat about 8.30

I used to be really set on maintaining this in my life, wveryrhjng suffered including my health, I’m applying for ill health retirement now at 53, less income but more time to enjoy life … it soon goes!

I would do it until I’d paid the mortgage then go consulting or part time

No, life is to live and enjoy it

I would for a while. I'd pay off the mortgage and feed as much money as possible into ISAs and savings, with an exit plan in a couple of years time. Meanwhile I'd acknowledge it's impossible to be all things to all people at all times, so I'd live off Cook and other healthy ready meals, get a cleaner and ironing service and make sure I did at least one really fun thing with DC every weekend and one relaxing thing for myself.

My understanding is teenagers go to bed quite late so it sounds like you’re spending at least a couple hours with them every night? Dinner, homework, chatting etc. means it’s quality time too. I don’t see this as that different from a lot of working parents, most of whom aren’t earning in the top 1%. Don’t talk yourself out of a very well-paid job you’ve worked hard to achieve because you think it’s exceptionally long hours - it isn’t.

Thank you. I think I’ll do exactly this.
it’s not so much the hours (though that’s part of it) it is just so intense and stressful, but I think this could be less over time.
thank you