Would you do a relentless and stressful job if it meant being very, very comfortable?

[cheeseandbranston]

I am dyslexic and dyscalculate so I have struggled to do normal jobs. But I have a couple of skills I’m exceptional at, so have always got by, freelancing doing just those things and avoiding the things I am bad at.

after I got divorced, I really struggled financially (no parents or family) which was really frightening as I live in an expensive city and have two teens. The freelance wasn’t always reliable, and I was responsible for everything, (50/50 divorce, no maintenance)

so I hustled really hard and got an extremely senior job. It puts me in the top 1 percent of earners bracket. We have plenty of money, I take them of lovely holidays and say yes to just about everything. I have a massive mortgage but it is only about a quarter of my take home, I buy lovely furniture and clothes. I save quite a bit every month too.

but I get up at 6 every day, don’t get home until 7 or 8, don’t take lunch breaks, and hardly do anything but work. I often work the mornings on weekends too, until the kids get up. I’ve lost 3 kilos since I started the job from not having time to eat, and I used to exercise every day and now I hardly ever do,

also it’s really stressful. I make mistakes nearly every day which is embarrassing and I have to stand up in front of hundreds of people saying sensitive things that if I were to get wrong they would be huge problems. I’ve had to change other peoples jobs, and be responsible for things I only just understand. My boss has a rotten temper and has been pretty unpleasant on a couple of occasions.

I think it’s unsustainable but maybe it’ll get easier when I’m used to it? I’ve never had a normal job before.

also, I don’t know what else I’d do if I didn’t do this. It’s not the kind of opportunity that will come up again.

would you do it if you were me?

I think the 4 month timeframe is the aspect being questioned in that post

This is me OP. What I will say is the first 6 months in a new role anywhere is exhausting. You tend to find your feet after that. You also need to find good boundaries. I rarely work weekends but will work late in the week if I need to. Once you hit your stride etc maybe you will feel like it’s worth it. I do. Decompression time is important though.

The thing is many of super/not-so-super models of early 90s were scouted as 14-15 yrs old teenagers. (Including Naomi, Claudia,etc.). Many also went through a level of abuse at the hands of photographers, agents & friends. For them it was somewhat normalised, like a rite of passage. So for her it was likely another girl of many trying to find her way.

Yes, I’m a single parent to young kids and work a relentless, stressful job, and am a very high earner.

I know this train won’t last forever - as someone said upthread, senior leaders rotate every few years and bring in their favorites.

I’m happy to stay in this position for a few more years, and save loads, put the max in my pension etc. Basically ensure my and my kids’ futures, and allow me to retire early.

You’re going to need to explain how you’ve only had the job 4 months but already have the big mortgage, longer term negative impacts etc.

If you don’t, people won’t really be able to advise properly.

On the off chance that you haven’t actually taken the job yet, but are projecting what you fear it might be like … it sounds like imposter syndrome. Many, many people feel like that in a senior position. That’s what coaching is for (NB not mentoring, which is different). Most reasonable employers will provide coaching, particularly if you are transparent with them when taking the position.

What do you do? I want that kind of money.

Wrong thread?

How many lovely holidays can you take in a job you've been in for just four months and is so busy you don't have time to eat?

This makes no sense to me.

If this is true then I'd be looking at what the men do that are on the same level as you and mirroring them. Are they missing lunch too? If you know you don't have time to go out and get something for lunch then at least take something so you can eat at your desk while you work.

Yes carry on! You are the at the classic “post 90 days” slump in your learning curve where you realise the enormity of what you’ve taken on, and you need to stay motivated now - seek help from peers along senior leaders.

Ask your company for a mentor - someone who has gone through that path to the top - it doesn’t have to be someone in your department (eg if you are marketing, could be someone in operations).

Don’t be afraid to address your performance concerns with your boss - ask actively for feedback. That will help a great deal.

A new job is always a mountain of work at the start - you’ll improve. Give it 12 months. Don’t get used to a spendy life - be thrifty! Then if you bomb or burn out you will have plenty savings and time to do guy ew out next step.

Good luck!

I did it for 8 years and did burn out - I’d set myself a target of 10 years in the job as I knew it was unsustainable for me long term. That 8 years has set me up for the rest of my career and life however, I’ve got the experience and expertise to command a decent salary wherever I go, my mortgage is more than manageable on a very lovely house and my pension pot is very healthy.
On balance it was worth it, although burnout is not something I’d recommend!

I’d cut the fripperies and save with a timeline to leave. Although.. I think you need to start figuring out the slightest decrease for your kids because otherwise what’s the point?

I did a stressful job (long hours, almost 24/7 availability, responsible for a department) for many years because I loved it - the pay was crap.

I also did a stressful job (long hours, 24 hour availability, at the beck and call of a complete nutjob) for a year and a half. Raked in the money then left. Would not do it again.

I wouldn't waste the money on expensive unnecessaries or luxuries, I'd pay the mortgage down and be putting money in a pension.
Whilst being stressed and not seeing your children as much as you'd like isn't great, financial insecurity can ruin your life.
Can you try to ease off when the children are with you and go full throttle when they are at their dads?

Also if you’re earning top 1% very suddenly you need to use your carry forward pension allowance from when you weren’t earning so much as you’ll be on tapered allowance now. I think you can carry forward 3 years unused allowance then you’re stuck on tapered.

I can only put £110 a month in mine and it’s very hard to save tax efficiently.

You need to maximise your ISA allowance now and again in the new tax year.

I would yes!

I do a pretty stressful job (not quite as full on as yours) and don’t get paid as well as it sounds like you do!

There are many people working just as much as you and in just as stressful environments earning a lot less
Nurses, healthcare workers, PAs/PSWs spring to mind - the last one work many unpaid hours that everyone turns a blind eye to and are only paid minimum wage when they are paid.

I'd suggest doing it, building up savings from your unused income (so fewer holidays and nice furniture) to give you a buffer if you really have to quit for your health at any point.

I wouldn't.

Your health is always the most important thing as far as I am concerned.

You can always find another job but you only have one mind and body...you are also missing out on seeing your kids.

If you are already struggling with the hours and pace after only 4 months it is only going to get worse.

I would start looking for something with more manageable hours.

Agh. I just wrote a long reply but I lost it. I will answer tonight but you are all utterly brilliant. This has made me feel much better/ clearer , thank you

If you take the job with no end in sight, I think that will very likely be the end of you.

If you take the job for say, 2 years, to get corporate/sector/leadership experience and save money, then I think that's more manageable. But you have to have a clear plan and timeline, and be strong enough to walk away from all the money at the end of the day.

It would also be helpful to be more flexible with your thought process around options. This job, at this pace, may not be quite right for you. But:

• Is there a possibility that, over a period of time, you could shape this job so that it better meets your needs? Could you change what your role includes, or your hours, or the team you work with?
• Once you have a track record of employment at this level, it's easier to switch to a different employer, so you may find other doors open for you in the future and a different job, with a better boss, may be more manageable, or you might find an alternative with less hours/slightly different work
• If you're client facing, it may be possible to grow freelance work from the skills and relationships you're currently developing.

If you do decide to leave (now or in the future), don't leave without having another role secured. Its brutal out there just now in the job hunting world. Its especially challenging to secure a lower grade / level role when you are such a high flyer. Good luck.

This was me several years ago. Firstly, it takes at least a year to get established in a senior role, particularly if you come from outside the organization. Find yourself a mentor or coach. Keep the job, start saving and make a plan for what you want to do long term. I worked really long hours as a single parent with small children. We had a great life but I was absolutely exhausted. Sometimes I would pull over on my drive home and sleep in the car for 15mins. But I kept going, got a financial advisor, made a plan and retired in my late 50s. My life now is lovely.

Eating can be the first thing to go. Some of it is a form of self-harm or self-sabotage, like am I even worth a meal? I deserve to feel hungry. And you can go from 12 to 10 stone in a very short time. I have gone an entire day without eating due to stress and once you have lost that much weight and your stomach has shrunk it becomes even more difficult to eat properly.

Again, not the issue. It's all the things the OP has apparently done in just 4 months that doesn't add up.

I’d be topping up pension, saving more (or paying off mortgage if you can overpay) and, while not buying ‘nothing’ I’d not be saying yes to everything. I’d be looking to be able to cut down my debts so I could jump to working less/paying off mortgage sooner. Especially if this role is not guaranteed (angry boss doesn’t sound great) @cheeseandbranston

Make sure you are saving as much as possible to give yourself options if you need to leave. It sounds like you are living the good life a bit too much and would be in trouble if you left or lost the job. Work on your savings so you've got F-You money, then you can push back on some of the things that don't work for you.