Would you do a relentless and stressful job if it meant being very, very comfortable?

[cheeseandbranston]

I am dyslexic and dyscalculate so I have struggled to do normal jobs. But I have a couple of skills I’m exceptional at, so have always got by, freelancing doing just those things and avoiding the things I am bad at.

after I got divorced, I really struggled financially (no parents or family) which was really frightening as I live in an expensive city and have two teens. The freelance wasn’t always reliable, and I was responsible for everything, (50/50 divorce, no maintenance)

so I hustled really hard and got an extremely senior job. It puts me in the top 1 percent of earners bracket. We have plenty of money, I take them of lovely holidays and say yes to just about everything. I have a massive mortgage but it is only about a quarter of my take home, I buy lovely furniture and clothes. I save quite a bit every month too.

but I get up at 6 every day, don’t get home until 7 or 8, don’t take lunch breaks, and hardly do anything but work. I often work the mornings on weekends too, until the kids get up. I’ve lost 3 kilos since I started the job from not having time to eat, and I used to exercise every day and now I hardly ever do,

also it’s really stressful. I make mistakes nearly every day which is embarrassing and I have to stand up in front of hundreds of people saying sensitive things that if I were to get wrong they would be huge problems. I’ve had to change other peoples jobs, and be responsible for things I only just understand. My boss has a rotten temper and has been pretty unpleasant on a couple of occasions.

I think it’s unsustainable but maybe it’ll get easier when I’m used to it? I’ve never had a normal job before.

also, I don’t know what else I’d do if I didn’t do this. It’s not the kind of opportunity that will come up again.

would you do it if you were me?

Four months is no time at all. You are still learning the ropes. If you can, give it a year to 18 months, then reassess. Don’t leave without a plan to pay your mortgage etc.

We have plenty of money, I take them of lovely holidays and say yes to just about everything. I have a massive mortgage but it is only about a quarter of my take home, I buy lovely furniture and clothes. I save quite a bit every month too.

you've done all of this in 4 months and are in the top 1% of earners despite never having a normal job before? Eh?!?!

I do a stressful and pressured job and am nowhere near the top 1% of earners. If your situation is real, work, save, stop buying expensive furniture and holidays. You don't sound suited to this magical situation you've somehow found yourself in, and will probably crash out.

My advice: I’d give it a year, so only another 8 months, realistically. Head down, get on with it, learn everything.

But: I would also bank, bank, bank. By all means, plan a nice holiday but put as much away as possible. Don’t spend it on fripperies and clothes. This gives you a lovely buffer.

Howeevr, if you have only been doing this four months, you speak as though you have been earning well for a long time doing your previous gigs? If you went back to that, how much would you lose, financially?

Not voted on whether yabu or not but if this is a huge leap in income for you (which sounds to be the case) beware of lifestyle creep. You say you've been in the job 4 months but the lifestyle you describe in your OP makes it sound as though you've been in this role/with this income much longer. Which obviously doesn't matter, but be careful not to end up trapping yourself in the role (or thinking the only alternative is a similar one) because you (and your children) have got used to a certain lifestyle that you're scared of giving up. Not saying that's the case for you, just a point to bear in mind.

I did this. I did 10 years in a difficult job that prepared me for a 4.5 year role in a crazy job. Then I got a very high paid out exit which is normal in the industry / role. It paid for my house and allowed me to move into part time and hugely interesting work at the age of 47. It was hard though, particularly on my health. I took 18 months off when I finished because it took me that long to recover.

Would I do it again? I’m not sure. Where I am now is fantastic but I am not completely sure that it was worth the price I paid to get here.

I would set a time limit in my head and prepare to leave at that point. Make sure you are not getting equally huge debts so that when your time is up you have an option to quit.

Another point is these high pressure jobs often rotate every few years as seniors come and go and have their favourites- you may have no choice and be given redundancy - so be prepared.

What are the realistic alternatives? Do you actually have a choice to do a less well paid job that's more balanced?

As you have just started then it's likely it's a shock to the system and could improve. However if you have the opportunity to save aggressively do so, build equity and savings so you have choices later down the line.

Be careful to not spoil the kids too much and instead try paying off chunks of that mortgage , buying yourself future freedom

Congratulations on your new position! It’s far too early to make a decision yet op! You will get used to it! It takes at least six months to really get on top of a new job usually!

Assess again at six months and one year and then two years. If you are having doubts about maintaining these hours after only four months then it may not be the job for you though! But hassling for feeelance work is stressful too!

After two or three years of solid work in this role, might you be able to ask for consolidated hours or a four day week of working from home for a couple of days?

I don’t quite understand your post because how many holidays have you been able to go on in the first four months of employment?

Anyway, if I may say so, rather than giving the dc anything they ask for, a far better use of your current salary would be laying down as many savings as possible and developing a solid nest egg for when you do decide to go back to freelancing in five years to eight to ten years or so maybe? Replace that boiler, do any DIY projects that are necessary, like the roof.

And try and pay off as much as your mortgage as possible. Do not fritter these higher earnings away.

As for making mistakes, everyone does in a new role and just generally. Even those who appear to be really confident in their roles. You sound a bit overwhelmed but your employers obviously think you very capable op, So hold your head up when addressing your colleagues, fake it until you make it 😄and don’t accept any nonsense from your boss! Give it one year at least and you will probably feel totally different about the role in a positive way! Good luck!

So you bought a house with a big mortgage and have been on numerous holidays within the 4 months of starting this job?

But you have no time to eat, but have been on holidays?

I’m in a very similar situation, single parent, no support very high earner.

I’ve been in the job for 20 years.. as I’ve got more senior the hours have reduced so less of a drag on time but the responsibility is a lot and I have sacrificed a lot of time with my kids growing up.

I hate it and I’m miserable a lot of the time but the money is a bit of a trap. However I’m mortgage free and as soon as I’ve put away enough money for their school fees I will do something else.

Ive always been advised to suck it up as I’m lucky to have the money.

I’d say to you, cut back on spending and save save save. Do the job as long as you can manage even if it’s just 2-3 years, take the cash and build some security then get out.

Do it for 5 years. Save as much as you can; then get a more family friendly job.

As a short term fix you can absolutely carve out time for some exercise. It’s important to get your body moving and you need to figure out your lunch too as this isn’t sustainable.

Medium term, either get a coach or work mentor around managing your workslate. I know it’s tempting to ‘just do a bit’ at weekends but you really need the downtime too. Is your mandate aligned to what you’re doing or are you taking on additional tasks?

I’d absolutely seek financial advice so you’re making the most of paying off the mortgage, boosting your pension pots and savings etc. It’s very easy to have lifestyle creep but in five years time do you want to feel trapped in this job or be starting to enjoy some financial freedom? This doesn’t mean living too frugally - just striking balance.

Yes

I have a similar job - thankfully I avoid working weekends most of the time although I get quite severe work anxiety. We also have a massive mortgage about to start. It’s either the hard job and massive mortgage or move away from where we are and our friends (and school).

Yes, I would do it. This is me (in a slightly different scenario and with part time work for which I neither have the headspace, not the time, not the energy and it's killing as I have very extensive caring responsibilities on top) but I keep doing it so we are financially able cover all the bills. It's probably a bit different as I do it as we need it - being in the top percent of earners is a very different ballgame. My kids have never been on a proper holiday for example. but I hear you.

Can you outsource things and would that help(cleaning etc) to make your life easier? 4 months sounds still pretty new. Do you think you will find your feet eventually and things will get easier. Or do you feel it's downhill from here. How long is the commute? Can you move nearer work if that would make your life easier. Given it's pretty new, I would probably stick it out a bit longer.

are there similar roles which are less senior but still with decent pay which give you a better work/life balance albeit maybe less fancy holidays?

I'm doing exactly what you were. I work from home and part-time. It means I am at every single school pick up and drop off. I'm never burnt out and I'm never stressed. I love life and wake up grateful every single day.

I have a well off friend who thrives on their high stress job.

It's not for me. I'm not built the same.

We're both incredibly happy but I can't book a holiday on a whim like they can.

I'm sensible with money though and my children don't miss out. I don't need many treats becuase I'm so happy. My treat is the life I have.

I would not take a stressful job for more money. I have had stressful jobs and was climbing the career ladder but it's not for me. I make mistakes and it just ruins my self-esteem.

I'm trying to find out what I want to do once my youngest is in nursery as I'll be required to earn more, so I've been volunteering to find that out, and it may not be well paid, but it will allow me to still be at every school drop off and pick up.

I love being present for my children. It's worth more than money. But if you can do both then brilliant. If you believe the other is more important, brilliant. My kids want a happy mum who's around more than anything material.

Whilst you need to make the decisions, what do your kids think? Can they see the effect on you? Do they miss you being around? Do they love the lifestyle or would they be happy to downgrade?

I would not do it.

Yes. Stress will make you completely disjointed and weight loss is one of the first things to happen. It also badly ages you. I'd avoid it at all costs.

How did you get this job in the first place? It sounds like you’re out of your depth and it’s beyond your skills and capabilities.

It depends on what the alternative was. If I needed the money/job to keep afloat, I’d obviously stick it out. But my life outside work is more important to me, so if I could get a job that paid enough to live comfortably on (bills paid, some savings, a holiday a year) then I’d go for that instead.

I would consider staying for a few years to build up a nest egg for when I leave, depending on what that looked like for my family life.

Stop spending and save like crazy. Pay off the mortgage as early as possible.

That way, you haven't got to do the job forever. Try to put a time frame in place.

If you spend most of what you earn, you'll never escape.

How old are you and how old are your kids? Is there a chance you won't pass probation? Could you move to a cheaper house?

I did it for several years. Bought me my house, pension and an early comfortable retirement. Was super stressful for the last 10 to 15 years though.