AIBU to have gone ballistic over DS buying alcohol

[OnePunnyKoala]

It's half term and DS16 met up with his friends. Today I discovered that DS16 attempted to purchase alcohol from a local corner store by using a digitally modified version of his ID. AIBU to have gone ballistic on him?

@OnePunnyKoala it is both normal and expected behaviour. The outliers are the ones who don't do it at all (I have one of those and 2 who drank tinned cocktails at parties)

He chanced his arm and he was unsuccessful. Just waiting until you find out he smoked a solid behind the PE building and made himself feel sick.

It's not a fast track to a life of addiction. It's youthful rebellion and experimentation.

It doesn’t work like that though.

The whole narrative about “demystifying” alcohol by making it accessible, “glass of wine with water” “drink like the French”, bla bla bla is largely narrative of denial by people who don’t want to face how much they are drinking.

My dad came out with stuff like this all the time and he was a high functioning alcoholic.

Making alcohol seem normal normalises it and massively increases the chances that your child will want to drink it. It doesn’t make it seem “sophisticated” or “continental”. Its just putting booze in front of your kids.

I don’t think what your DS has done is a disaster and hopefully its an opening for you to talk to him about sensible drinking.

But it really annoys me that people pile on to normalise this by saying things like “classic!” and “rite of passage”. Heavy drinking is grim and ruins lives. A bit of teenage experimentation is fairly harmless but the way people shrug their shoulders and wink at it honestly gives me the chills.

I was in the pub at 14

Nobody asked for ID when I was that age (luckily).
I would just tell my DS that he had been daft and could have got into trouble and added a couple of cans of Radler to the Ocado shop for him

I agree and ok a lot of teens do it but that doesn't make it okay and she is within her rights to be ballistic, as it's her son, who she cares about.It is not her friend it is her son and she's trying to set boundaries and discourage him from doing it again.
It's not funny to a mother , it's concerning as is the way to feel.

Congrats.

You will probably just have encouraged him to buy weed off his mates instead.

Dealers don't tend to obey the same rules of the law shops do.

Maybe next time he wants to buy something get him a few cans of lowish alcohol lager. That way he will be able to have a drink, but not do himself any damage like if he were necking litres of vodka.

Going "ballistic" is never good parenting. It implies a loss of control.

No way should she buy him booze .It's not the correct way to address a teenager who is drinking.I expect that now she has calmed down,she can have a talk with him about the health risks of getting into alcohol consumption

Every parent goes verbally ballistic occasionally as long as it's not on a regular basis .she can say I'm sorry I lost my rag with you but it's because I love you son and don't want you to become a heavy drinker.

Speak for yourself. I’ve never gone verbally (or physically) ballistic at any of my children, ever.

LOL. Tell me you know very little about six formers without telling me…

It’s very very very normal. Also normal for parents to buy their kids beers to take to a party.

It would be seriously worse if she didn't care at all and laughed it off as he is a teenager,he will grow out of it..It is not easy having teenagers,it's a minefield of emotions and possibe issues.

Woah, parents buying booze for teenagers, that's wrong... But that's just my personal opinion .

So if he wants to try heroine or ketamine, mum should just suggest he can try it at home? Is that your parenting style?

I think it’s very normal, it’s a right of passage. I would be buying my teenage kids alcohol within reason (not litres of spirits). I would rather they tried and drank at home than had bottles of white lightening in a field like our day. My parents definitely brought me wkd for a party at 15/16, it wasn’t a big deal and as an adult I hardly drink.

Of course it’s normal behaviour. Teens have been doing this for decades and longer. It’s part of experimentation and separating from you. All you’ve achieved by going ballistic is him hiding more from you in future.

I find a firm, no shit, but loving response better.

At the end of the day, if he gets drunk and in trouble, would you rather your relationship was build on trust and respect, and he felt able to call you for help? Or that he festers somewhere drunk, unsafe and alone?

DD2 (16) just asks me to buy some for her for parties. She seems a lot more steady with it than I was at her age.

Did you know it’s only illegal for under 5s to drink alcohol at home. Over 5s can drink alcohol at home they just can’t buy it.

When I worked at a chain restaurant years ago I learnt this as legally teenagers (16/17) could have one beer with their food if the parents where buying the food and drink. Blew my mind!

I know exactly how much I give her. I was given alcohol from 8 years old, weak lager shandy’s. I was at nightclubs from 15. I am not an alcoholic and actually gave up alcohol by choice. So it may be personality traits/genetics.

I find ballistic doesn't help. It's a huge luck of the draw if they end up using alcohol or drugs.
The main thing you can alter is your response to it.
I don't encourage mine ever to try alcohol or take drugs. I dont ban it either. I do talk about using drugs and alcohol safely and in great detail.
I do say which drugs they should never ever go near, and which if they do to be exceedingly careful with and how to do that (including alcohol).
I never lose my shit*with them because when they fuck up, which is quite likely I want them to know they can always, even at 3am when they are lost off their heads (as we have experienced- though not my child, but someone else's child who was too scared to ring their own parents. But thankfully mine wasn't).
Going ballistic means when they are pissed or spiked or having a panic attack after a spliff they are much less likely to get in touch with you. And much more likely to choose a more risky option such as walking home or sleeping in the park or staying with their dickhead boyfriend

YABU. You don't have to be happy about it, but it is fairly normal behavior. To go ballistic is an overreaction.
If you overreact to more minor things, he won't come to you for bigger mistakes.

Your dad was an alcoholic, that colours your opinion. As it would.
Mine weren´t. I grew up in Spain and was 16 in 1990. Drinking was legal at age 16 then. I would go with my friends to an Irish pub-disco and have a couple of beers and nibbles and a dance. Chat for a few hours, then head home. It was the normal thing to do. And no, we weren´t drunk. What I think is harmful is all this "happy hour" bullshit and other customs that promote drinking high quantities in short spans of time. I would forbid those. It was something I really noticed when I started to have some English friends, they drank huge amounts uber fast, including the women! Looked like theirs was the last glass of alcohol being served before the prohibition. Not creating a prohibited fruit is the way forward. Something more nuanced. Worked for my friends and I.

DS is being unreasonable for such an amateurish attempt.

YANBU either presuming you were a sweet innocent teenager who never so much as sniffed a Bacardi Breezer until you were 18.

(I was clubbing at that age, must have been a 90's thing).

Why you likening Heroin and Ketamine to Alcohol, there are quite a few degrees difference! If they were of the same potency you would have heroin at weddings and funerals and Ketamine at Christmas time!

I'd tell him to stop being so stupid and trying to use fake ID and just ask me next time and I'd buy him some!