AIBU to have gone ballistic over DS buying alcohol

[OnePunnyKoala]

It's half term and DS16 met up with his friends. Today I discovered that DS16 attempted to purchase alcohol from a local corner store by using a digitally modified version of his ID. AIBU to have gone ballistic on him?

The friends I had who drank, smoked and did the most drugs at that age were the ones whose parents protested it all the most fiercely. It gave them something easy and concrete to rebel against. Your son is going to encounter alcohol and worse through his life - the best thing you can do for him is be straight forward about the pros and cons, and not make it into a forbidden fruit.

My DD16 was getting DD18 to buy her cans of vodka sprite from the garage. I didn't go ballistic as 2 cans of vodka sprite is not a huge amount of alcohol, all her friends get wasted at parties and she doesn't want to feel left out by not having an alcoholic drink whilst they do that. Plus I was doing MUCH worse at that age. Teenagers want to experiment. I did sit her down and tell her she shouldn't put her sister in that position and said if she is going to a party again to talk to me instead. I am not a cool mum. DD18 doesn't drink , we don't host parties and neither child or their friends have had alcohol in my house. But I do know teenagers and this is really normal behaviour. Better buy it for them rather than them necking straight vodka.

I work in a convenience store and it absolutely is still normal for young people to do this. We only accept passports and drivers licenses and if they have it on their person. We don’t accept photos of ID on phones because they can and are easily doctored usually badly

How did you find out about this btw? My daughter did similar at a younger age than your son. She’s only recently told me what she used to get up to as she’s now an adult. And as she cheerfully pointed out “there’s fuck all you can do about it”.

Did he not do the festival thing this summer … Leeds/reading? That’s where a lot of 16 year olds go to get wasted, it’s tradition.

It is. Sixth formers drink and vape. Some take drugs. They're teenagers

I think a bit of a telling off is a normal response. Not ballistic though.

Agree with the person on page one who asked what he was trying to buy. A four pack of beers is different to a litre of vodka.

Do you let him have the odd drink at home? I believe that's legal

This thread perfectly illustrates why so many teenagers don't appreciate their responsibilities and respect for the law.... no one seems remotely concerned he committed a criminal offence.

"Under the Identity Documents Act 2010, it is illegal to possess or use a fake, altered, or borrowed ID, such as for gaining entry to venues or purchasing alcohol. The law applies to documents like passports, driving licences, and other official forms of identification." Link

I appreciate it's unlikely he would be prosecuted at 16 for buying booze, but he would for using a fake driving license.

As a parent of what I consider to be normal well behaved middle class boys, now at uni, you’re wrong.

If he doesn't accept photo ID how does he identify someone's age?

We all did it surely? The natural consequence is that he got caught and will now be embarrassed about going in the shop again.

Again though, "shits and giggles" at 16 seems OTT reaction as it's no that unusual for a sixth former to push boundaries on alcohol. When my DS was at the end of the first year of sixth form college we visited Spain and he was constantly offered beer and could have bought it if he wanted to, it's ridiculous to argue that it is an outlandish notion! It doesn't make you a 'cool' parent to acknowledge that. Personally, I think parents' reaction on this is informed by their own parents attitude. My parents were pretty Liberal and would not be surprised by these attempts at 16 and certainly didn't go ballistic!

Agreed, I buy my daughters alcohol have done since she was 15/16. I think limiting it until they are 18 makes some of them go silly when they are away from home.

My parents would buy me 4 cans of lager to drink at my friends house or our own house if I asked them to, when I was 16.

So was I. But he committed a crime (fake ID) and alcohol damages the brain which continues to develop into his 20s.

My mum did what you did and I ended up an alcoholic… don’t imagine that giving your child alcohol while their brain has not fully developed is doing them any favours.

People who start drinking at 15 or earlier are at a higher risk of developing alcohol use disorder. Statistically.

i think there needs to be some nuance here though.

drinking with no control in a park v being introduced in a controlled environment

Standard 6th form behaviour - youngest DD and all her friends had fake IDs by then, they order them online. Sometimes they work, sometimes they get confiscated by a more clued up shop / bar. If he isn’t buying it, someone else will - it’s a very naive parent who thinks the vast majority of 6th formers aren’t buying booze and getting very drunk at parties (not all I hasten to add, my other chid doesn’t drink at all)
Were you not doing the same at that age? We certainly all did in the 90s. Keep the conversation open and it becomes less of an issue.

16 year old girls are generally more mature than 16 year old lads.
My DD, nearly 17, her male friends act 12.

To go ballistic? Yes, YABU.

To calmly educate him on the potential repercussions of identity fraud and committing a crime, YANBU.

Have you taught him about responsible drinking at home? Or are you one of these parents who restrict everything and then wonder why everything goes wrong once their child becomes an adult and that control goes?

Just remember that your behaviour also teaches him when he can and can’t come to you if he ends up in a situation in the future he needs support and help getting out of. Is he really going to go to the parent who goes ballistic at him? Of course he won’t.

Oh dear! Poor lad must be mortified. I’ve let my year 7 try a sip of alcohol, they spat it out and say they never want to try it again, but no doubt that will change by year 12! If they are going to drink (agree they wouldn’t in an ideal world) then it needs to be at home, somewhere safe, drinking v low alcohol legit drinks.

By all means give him a bit of a telling off as a token gesture, but this is such normal 16-year-old behaviour that I can’t believe you felt it warranted a thread really.

Telling him you are disappointed, talking about the risks of alcohol and also the meanness of risking a shop keepers livelihood = sensible. I'd also be stopping pocket money for a period as well.

Going "ballistic" - yabu. Thats losing control as a parent. And harming your relationship. And meaning they won't come to you if they make a mistake and need help. And drives behaviour underground.

Depends what outcome you want. Obviously not that he never does it again. What did you want? If it was to annoy him and have zero impact on him doing it again, well done. Don't see the issue.

Oh yes, it really is. In fact it's the teenage years that most people start to experiment with anything and everything they can get their hands on. Unless you're a god fearing family or lived in a very different societal set up elsewhere, this is all pretty standard stuff. He's 16. Let him have a drink at home and don't make alcohol a forbidden fruit.

Im just surprised that he’s got to 16 before being caught trying to buy alcohol, and presumably your son or his friends have managed to do so many times before. I think you’re being incredibly naive to think that it’s not common for teenagers to try to buy alcohol - it’s completely normal for 16 year olds to be drinking and experimenting with other substances. I doubt you would find many young people who had not drunk alcohol or smoked weed by 16.