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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

In laws ‘teasing’ about my age

131 replies

opaltimer1 · 27/10/2025 14:43

This probably sounds pathetic but here goes…

Recently, every time I see my in laws, they ‘joke’ about my age. I’m 40 for context, they are both mid 60s. They clearly enjoy teasing me about it but it’s now becoming so frequent it’s annoying me. I don’t mind the odd age joke a couple of times a year, to me that’s normal but in the past six months I’d say they’ve brought my age up around 7-10 times. They think it’s hilarious I’m now the wrong side of 40. I joke about their age as a response especially since FIL is officially a pensioner next year so have a comeback as such but nothing changes. If I ignore, they still laugh. I’m planning on sending them OAP type birthday cards to give them a taste of their own medicine.

I feel it’s developing into a form of bullying and want it to stop but nothing really works. I’ve told my partner how I feel but don’t really want him to get involved. If he speaks to them, they have form for ‘kicking off’. I know I can try to not get annoyed etc but it’s got to the point that I don’t want to see them. I went no contact a few years ago (MIL awful favouritism and a big bully) so this teasing is triggering memories of that but want to find a way to stop them without causing upset. Any ideas?

OP posts:
333FionaG · 27/10/2025 14:45

Is your partner younger than you? Is that why they are doing it?

Original poster
opaltimer1 · 27/10/2025 14:47

Yes by two years

OP posts:
didntlikeanyofthesuggestions · 27/10/2025 15:00

If someone made a joke about my age every couple of weeks I'd probably just ignore it and carry on with my life.

AmayaBuzzbee · 27/10/2025 15:02

Just see less of them or go NC again.

ChessBess · 27/10/2025 15:03

I think they need to read the room. What’s the point in that? They sound like a pair of kids, in fact you could say that “I might be getting older but you two act younger, like a pair of kids the way you go on about age hahahahahahaha”. See what they say to that

HeddaGarbled · 27/10/2025 15:05

Burst into tears.

ResusciAnnie · 27/10/2025 15:05

Eurgh how tiresome. I’d say something like ‘you’re 25 years older than me so I dread to think how you talk to yourself!’ Assholes.

NewYorkSummer · 27/10/2025 15:05

Just say “I might be old but you’ll always be older and closer to death than me”. Smile and repeat, every time.

BingBongBish · 27/10/2025 15:09

If you joke back about their ages or send OAP birthday cards, you're blurring the lines because you're 'joining in', and making them believe it's a 2-way thing.

Just become short and snappy with them and make it clear they're boring now.

Or as a PP suggested, go back to no contact as it sounds as though they're only doing this to be unkind to you anyway.

Original poster
opaltimer1 · 27/10/2025 15:12

ResusciAnnie · 27/10/2025 15:05

Eurgh how tiresome. I’d say something like ‘you’re 25 years older than me so I dread to think how you talk to yourself!’ Assholes.

That’s exactly what it is, tiresome. And I think they’re projecting their own aging insecurities onto me.

OP posts:
sittingonabeach · 27/10/2025 15:14

@opaltimer1 will they do this to your partner when they hit 40?

Wishimaywishimight · 27/10/2025 15:16

I wouldn't join in with the jokes. I would look at them for a moment in silence then change the subject. They are looking for a reaction, don't give it to them.

Wishimaywishimight · 27/10/2025 15:16

I wouldn't join in with the jokes. I would look at them for a moment in silence then change the subject. They are looking for a reaction, don't give it to them.

Original poster
opaltimer1 · 27/10/2025 15:16

sittingonabeach · 27/10/2025 15:14

@opaltimer1 will they do this to your partner when they hit 40?

I imagine a bit of teasing yes but the relentlessness I’ve experienced, no

OP posts:
ThirdStorm · 27/10/2025 15:18

I think I'd have a little blow up, "FFS stop mentioning my age, you are being weird, if you mention it again I won't come over". Yes a bit of a sensitive reaction but your subtle hints/ignoring it isn't stopping them.

WhereYouLeftIt · 27/10/2025 15:26

"I went no contact a few years ago (MIL awful favouritism and a big bully) so this teasing is triggering memories of that but want to find a way to stop them without causing upset. Any ideas?"

So she was a bully then and is a bully now.

Serious question - you say you "want to find a way to stop them without causing upset" - whose upset do you not want to cause? Yours? Your PIL's? Your husband's? I can see the point of not wanting to cause yourself or your husband any upset, but frankly, fuck them getting upset, it's deserved. And how would you end up upset - because they would ramp up the nastiness?

"I’ve told my partner how I feel but don’t really want him to get involved. If he speaks to them, they have form for ‘kicking off’. "
So they bully him too.

I would simply go No Contact again. They are arseholes, and that's not going to change. Incidentally, what caused you to resume contact with them? And would I be correct in assuming there was pressure on you to do so?

Ponchodreams · 27/10/2025 15:30

"Not this fucking shit again! Bore off!"

Starlight1984 · 27/10/2025 15:35

Ponchodreams · 27/10/2025 15:30

"Not this fucking shit again! Bore off!"

This.

Overtheatlantic · 27/10/2025 15:38

“So what, you’ll die first.”

JohnTheRevelator · 27/10/2025 15:39

Do it back to them!;

Dollymylove · 27/10/2025 15:43

Why the obsession with you being 40?
You're hardly waiting at the Pearly Gates.
Your DH is 2 years younger so hardly in "toy boy" territory.
This would annoy me massively if it was constant digs, and I would be sending DH round on his own to visit them 😬

Arregaithel · 27/10/2025 15:44

@opaltimer1 would this work?

"Well, at least I'm not old and NASTY"

But they're doing it 'cos they know in winds you up (and they're mean)

ChikinLikin · 27/10/2025 15:47

Wishimaywishimight · 27/10/2025 15:16

I wouldn't join in with the jokes. I would look at them for a moment in silence then change the subject. They are looking for a reaction, don't give it to them.

Yes. Do this. Totally blank the 'jokes'. Practice a withering look in the mirror.

Nothing2CHere · 27/10/2025 15:47

Can you just tell them you don’t care about your age? Greg rock or throw it back on them and ask why they care so much.

MoominMai · 27/10/2025 15:48

opaltimer1 · 27/10/2025 15:12

That’s exactly what it is, tiresome. And I think they’re projecting their own aging insecurities onto me.

Show quote history

Urgh 100%! I totally emphasise.

So I look quite young for my age and when I met my ex he thought I was a decade younger than I actually am. I took the compliment (he’s 4 years older) and in the few years we were together, I never mentioned anything pertaining to age. However, when I turned 50 he’d keep bringing conversation around to it so even innocuous things like me saying I’m cold it would be “ooh you’re 50 now so…” or I’m tired etc would all be the same reply. It became really annoying and tiresome made me think he was projecting onto me as he was very image conscious etc. Anyway, that relationship ended not long after!