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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

In laws ‘teasing’ about my age

131 replies

opaltimer1 · 27/10/2025 14:43

This probably sounds pathetic but here goes…

Recently, every time I see my in laws, they ‘joke’ about my age. I’m 40 for context, they are both mid 60s. They clearly enjoy teasing me about it but it’s now becoming so frequent it’s annoying me. I don’t mind the odd age joke a couple of times a year, to me that’s normal but in the past six months I’d say they’ve brought my age up around 7-10 times. They think it’s hilarious I’m now the wrong side of 40. I joke about their age as a response especially since FIL is officially a pensioner next year so have a comeback as such but nothing changes. If I ignore, they still laugh. I’m planning on sending them OAP type birthday cards to give them a taste of their own medicine.

I feel it’s developing into a form of bullying and want it to stop but nothing really works. I’ve told my partner how I feel but don’t really want him to get involved. If he speaks to them, they have form for ‘kicking off’. I know I can try to not get annoyed etc but it’s got to the point that I don’t want to see them. I went no contact a few years ago (MIL awful favouritism and a big bully) so this teasing is triggering memories of that but want to find a way to stop them without causing upset. Any ideas?

OP posts:
bipbopdo · 27/10/2025 16:41

Is it possible they think it’s ‘banter’ between you? Some people wouldn’t take getting an OAP card as a ‘taste of their own medicine’, they’d just think is it was all part of the shared joke. I think just not responding to it at all for a while would probably shut it down

NebulousSadTimes · 27/10/2025 16:44

Look up Jefferson Fisher @opaltimer1 , he's good for hints and tips about dealing with arseholes. I don't think clever comebacks are the way to go with this pair, I agree with PP, they're looking for a reaction, good or bad they won't care.

Onmytod24 · 27/10/2025 16:45
  1. stop joking about your age
  2. Ignore comments about your age
  3. Remember fight fire with water
pimplebum · 27/10/2025 16:46

What an utterly boring ‘joke’ ffs!
you are encouraging it by giving some back

is it possible they are crashing bores and don’t know any other small talk ? And just gotten in a joke rut ?

BunnyLake · 27/10/2025 16:50

Can you try pinning them down more when they say it. “I don’t get the fascination you two have with my age. What is so interesting about it?”

Calamitousness · 27/10/2025 16:50

The thing is. They are doing it to bully you. They can probably tell it’s annoying you now. They’ll ramp it up. They are horrible. Have little to do with them and start to pick on them for something they are sensitive about. You can reply along the lines of “I know, 40 is fab. I’m the mature adult I. The relationship. It means he has to do as he’s told”. Warn your partner first. They won’t like that. Then you say, at least I’m aging well. What about your two - soon be time for a stairlift eh? Or, something that they’re sensitive about. It’s probs not mature but I don’t give a fuck. You treat me like shit. You’ll get it right back.

EuclidianGeometryFan · 27/10/2025 17:08

opaltimer1 · 27/10/2025 16:17

I do joke about my age all the time but I think if someone jokes at me repeatedly at my expense, it’s bullying. If I knew my jokes were causing upset to someone, I’d stop.

yes maybe I should lighten up and ignore it. These replies are interesting as there’s such a range of responses

Show quote history

maybe I should lighten up and ignore it.

No, don't do this. By your own admission your MIL is a bully, and you previously had to go NC.
Don't lighten up - that is just giving in to the bullying.
Don't fight fire with fire, that makes you as bad as her and she will enjoy you 'joining in the fight'.
Ignore it, yes. Or even better, go NC again.

FuzzyWolf · 27/10/2025 17:12

opaltimer1 · 27/10/2025 16:17

I do joke about my age all the time but I think if someone jokes at me repeatedly at my expense, it’s bullying. If I knew my jokes were causing upset to someone, I’d stop.

yes maybe I should lighten up and ignore it. These replies are interesting as there’s such a range of responses

Show quote history

Do they know their jokes are upsetting you though? I can easily imagine some of my relatives thinking it was a fun joke they had going because of your response so unless they are continuing after you have categorically made it clear you don’t like it and don’t want to hear any further jokes, I can see why they are carrying on.

sunights · 27/10/2025 17:15

Do this 🪨 ⏬

In laws ‘teasing’ about my age
ScribblingPixie · 27/10/2025 17:24

I would just pull a face and say, it's getting to the stage I'd rather not think about it. Just turn it off.

BatchCookBabe · 27/10/2025 17:26

Say 'oh just shut the fuck up about my age, and the fact I am a WHOLE 2 years older than your son, or we'll stop coming!' As pps have said they're bullying you. They sound vile.

Reminds me of someone I knew once who was 31, and she started dating a 36 year old man, and her dad kept calling him a 'peedo.' Hmm There was a 5 year age gap (which is fairly small,) and even though she was 5 years younger, they were both in their 30s.

When she said 'for fuck's sake dad stop it' he did it all the more. He'd say where's the peedo?' Grin He thought he was hilarious. Typical middle aged/just past middle aged man. Thinks he soooooo funny, even when he is saying horrible things. And if it gets a reaction, even better.

When my friend stopped going around to her parents house, her dad said she was a silly, sulky, little girl who 'can't take a joke.' He could NOT see what he had done wrong.

You have my sympathy @opaltimer1 It was 3 months before my friend started going to her parents house again, and even then it was tense for a while. Her mum had to give her dad a real telling off, to stop him saying cunty things.

ilparadodosdoltos · 27/10/2025 17:28

God they sound so DULL. I don’t believe there’s any ‘bants’ or great witty comeback that will stop them doing this so forget it. I agree with lots of others, completely ignore (imagine to yourself you’re hard of hearing and stare slightly blankly at them before changing the subject). See them less. Do they have any interesting conversation?

Skybluepinky · 27/10/2025 17:32

Don’t let it annoy you, try and avoid them.

Ghhbiuj · 27/10/2025 17:34

opaltimer1 · 27/10/2025 14:43

This probably sounds pathetic but here goes…

Recently, every time I see my in laws, they ‘joke’ about my age. I’m 40 for context, they are both mid 60s. They clearly enjoy teasing me about it but it’s now becoming so frequent it’s annoying me. I don’t mind the odd age joke a couple of times a year, to me that’s normal but in the past six months I’d say they’ve brought my age up around 7-10 times. They think it’s hilarious I’m now the wrong side of 40. I joke about their age as a response especially since FIL is officially a pensioner next year so have a comeback as such but nothing changes. If I ignore, they still laugh. I’m planning on sending them OAP type birthday cards to give them a taste of their own medicine.

I feel it’s developing into a form of bullying and want it to stop but nothing really works. I’ve told my partner how I feel but don’t really want him to get involved. If he speaks to them, they have form for ‘kicking off’. I know I can try to not get annoyed etc but it’s got to the point that I don’t want to see them. I went no contact a few years ago (MIL awful favouritism and a big bully) so this teasing is triggering memories of that but want to find a way to stop them without causing upset. Any ideas?

Why would you retaliate with the OAP jokes? That just shows you are up for this type of joke, as yours are worse than theirs

MissMoan · 27/10/2025 17:35

NewYorkSummer · 27/10/2025 15:05

Just say “I might be old but you’ll always be older and closer to death than me”. Smile and repeat, every time.

This is perfect!

Elsvieta · 27/10/2025 17:36

Start making jokes about dementia, nursing homes etc?

Ghhbiuj · 27/10/2025 17:42

MissMoan · 27/10/2025 17:35

This is perfect!

Show quote history

Why? The weird being rude to them because they are being rude won't stop them

Ghhbiuj · 27/10/2025 17:44

Elsvieta · 27/10/2025 17:36

Start making jokes about dementia, nursing homes etc?

Why? Upping the ante makes it OK for them to make worse jokes about being 40. Childish

Theresabatinmykitchen · 27/10/2025 17:45

Teaandchocolate2222 · 27/10/2025 16:05

“I’ve noticed you bring up my age a lot, and often joke about it”. Then just look at them and see what they say to that. Sometimes just reflecting back what someone is doing is enough to make them stop and think. Try and say it with no agenda and just a mild curiosity. If they say “oh we are only joking around” etc maybe just say “hmm, you often bring it up…”. Hopefully it will
make them feel a bit awkward without you looking bad in any way as you are just stating the facts as you see them

I was coming on to say something similar, I would just say to them next time they “joke” about your age something along the lines of “Out of interest, why do you keep laughing about my age constantly? Can you explain why it’s so amusing as I’m baffled. They will no doubt bluster around and say we are just joking and I bet they will also say you are too sensitive, to which you reply, not sensitive at all, just curious as to why you find it so funny. Hopefully this might make them squirm and if they still continue you can say sorry still don’t get the joke every single time they do it, it will make them look foolish and highlight what a pair of idiots they are. If you make them look stupid I bet they will stop their nonsense.

champagnetrial · 27/10/2025 17:45

Maybe kill it with kindness. 'Sounds like you have a problem with 40-year-olds. If my age is triggering you, perhaps it would be better if we didn't see each other anymore. Happy to step back, I don't want you to feel uncomfortable.'

Hand on arm, concerned expression, sympathetic smile.

bridgetreilly · 27/10/2025 17:46

Do not go for the ‘taste of their own medicine’ approach. This just legitimises age as a source of humour. Just ignore.

ItWasntMyFault · 27/10/2025 17:58

You say this every time I see you. Are you having memory problems?? Followed by a look of concern…

idri · 27/10/2025 18:00

I would just avoid going over.

NimbleDreamer · 27/10/2025 18:03

Wishimaywishimight · 27/10/2025 15:16

I wouldn't join in with the jokes. I would look at them for a moment in silence then change the subject. They are looking for a reaction, don't give it to them.

Agreed. Just ignore/grey rock them. That will annoy them more than if you react to it.

DickDewey · 27/10/2025 18:03

How irritating. You need to say, ‘can you stop doing this now as it’s annoying me?’.