In laws ‘teasing’ about my age

[opaltimer1]

This probably sounds pathetic but here goes…

Recently, every time I see my in laws, they ‘joke’ about my age. I’m 40 for context, they are both mid 60s. They clearly enjoy teasing me about it but it’s now becoming so frequent it’s annoying me. I don’t mind the odd age joke a couple of times a year, to me that’s normal but in the past six months I’d say they’ve brought my age up around 7-10 times. They think it’s hilarious I’m now the wrong side of 40. I joke about their age as a response especially since FIL is officially a pensioner next year so have a comeback as such but nothing changes. If I ignore, they still laugh. I’m planning on sending them OAP type birthday cards to give them a taste of their own medicine.

I feel it’s developing into a form of bullying and want it to stop but nothing really works. I’ve told my partner how I feel but don’t really want him to get involved. If he speaks to them, they have form for ‘kicking off’. I know I can try to not get annoyed etc but it’s got to the point that I don’t want to see them. I went no contact a few years ago (MIL awful favouritism and a big bully) so this teasing is triggering memories of that but want to find a way to stop them without causing upset. Any ideas?

Do the MN thing "sorry, I didn't catch that would you repeat it please?
Then "nope I have no idea why you would say that, can you explain it to me"

Less about the joke and more about the boredom. As others have said, don’t join in. Can you spend less time with them.

"MIL you made that same joke last time I saw you, have you forgotten? Do you think perhaps you should see the doctor if you have started forgetting things?"

Done in such a concerned way that it couldnt possibly be taken as anything other than genuine worry.

Should shut her up.

I think if they do it again, a very calm but direct response like this would potentially stop them. If not, quietly limiting contact is the next step. They live far away but travel for work near us regularly so we meet for meals-I might be too busy next time and they might get the hint…

Why do you joke about your age all the time? I only ask because age for me and others has never really come up, except for birthdays.

the easiest way to stop people making jokes is to embarrass them so there's no advantage to them to keep making the joke. Otherwise if you show you're annoyed, if they're arseholes they'll keep doing it just for a reaction.

Obviously a quick quip handing it back to them is one way but that
a) relies on you coming up with something witty on the spur of the moment every time and
b) is going to carry on giving the impression that, if you're engaging with their jokes you at best aren't bothered by them and at worst actually find the back and forth 'banter' amusing.

The most straightforward way is to make it clear you find their joke embarrassing to them. Don't force a fake laugh or even smile out of politeness. Give them a slightly confused look and go down the whole 'I don't get it...' route. No joke is funny once it has to be explained.

Or complete blank face... 'Okay....' and a side eye/eyebrow raise to your DH and change the subject - basically make it clear you think their joke makes them come across as cringey and embarrassing.

Or laugh uproariously and start up again every time they try to change the subject to move on.

I just mean I don’t mind a joke now and again

But they WANT to annoy her.

OP's partner is a "he".

It's OK - OP told us.

Why do you joke about your age? What's funny about it?

Maybe stop doing that and stop seeing them as well

They are just being dickheads. Don't let their repetitive nonsense wind you up.

'You said the same thing last week, memory loss is common at your age, perhaps you should get checked out?'

'Do you remember being 40? Bet you miss those days now!'

'Yes, still 40, still feel great.... what does it feel like to be as old as you?'

'You hear about older people having no filter and becoming rude, is that what's happening to you?'

'Yes, still only 40... not even half way through my life... <thoughtful pause> Oh, I hope I didn't upset you by saying that?'

Got itc fair enough.

What is the age gap between his parents?
Lots of people think the man should be a bit older than the woman and that men don’t want a woman older than them later on in life, they prefer younger. I am guessing they think their son can do better. It’s passive aggressive but they are making their thoughts clear.

The good thing about getting older is that you can stop caring so much about what stupid people think about you. If I were you, I’d be a lot less available to see them. You don’t like them and they are rude to you. They are your partner’s parents so you don’t actually need to spend time with them as he can see them on his own.

These two inebriates have put you in an awful situation o be careful what you do next

OP has not said anything about them being drunk.

I'd reply "yeah but I can still ride your son like cowgirl on speed. Can you still do that MIL?".

Cue the most awkward silence ever but I doubt they'll risk mentioning again.

You need to take the sting out of their comments.
‘Yes, like a fine wine!’
’DH was more mature than most men his age.’
DH appreciates I’m an excellent vintage’ etc etc.

Wow I’d have to be on speed to say something like that but I like your style! 😃

"Still a spring chicken compared to you two". Said every single time. Make it your catchphrase.

Shame 😁 I know it's a bit much but arsholes need to be stopped in their tracks occasionally, with the discomfort being put back on them. I suspect there's nothing 'polite' you can say to change this because they'll just ignore it. Keep the cowgirl line your sleeve - just in case.

Also, why are we resigned to being age-shamed (or whatever it's called?) In this day and age? Fuck that!

NO that may very well be the reaction they're secretly wanting

write 10 MINUTES on a slip of paper, fold in half and put in your bag before next meetup. When one of them invariably drops the dumb joke, pull the slip out, unfold it and show them, saying 'well you were faster/slower than I predicted this time.'

And just stare at them both with no expression at all.

just say
' why do you always mention my age, it bores and confuses me'

Doesnt need to be a drama