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Original poster

In laws ‘teasing’ about my age

131 replies

opaltimer1 · 27/10/2025 14:43

This probably sounds pathetic but here goes…

Recently, every time I see my in laws, they ‘joke’ about my age. I’m 40 for context, they are both mid 60s. They clearly enjoy teasing me about it but it’s now becoming so frequent it’s annoying me. I don’t mind the odd age joke a couple of times a year, to me that’s normal but in the past six months I’d say they’ve brought my age up around 7-10 times. They think it’s hilarious I’m now the wrong side of 40. I joke about their age as a response especially since FIL is officially a pensioner next year so have a comeback as such but nothing changes. If I ignore, they still laugh. I’m planning on sending them OAP type birthday cards to give them a taste of their own medicine.

I feel it’s developing into a form of bullying and want it to stop but nothing really works. I’ve told my partner how I feel but don’t really want him to get involved. If he speaks to them, they have form for ‘kicking off’. I know I can try to not get annoyed etc but it’s got to the point that I don’t want to see them. I went no contact a few years ago (MIL awful favouritism and a big bully) so this teasing is triggering memories of that but want to find a way to stop them without causing upset. Any ideas?

OP posts:
Original poster
opaltimer1 · 27/10/2025 15:50

WhereYouLeftIt · 27/10/2025 15:26

"I went no contact a few years ago (MIL awful favouritism and a big bully) so this teasing is triggering memories of that but want to find a way to stop them without causing upset. Any ideas?"

So she was a bully then and is a bully now.

Serious question - you say you "want to find a way to stop them without causing upset" - whose upset do you not want to cause? Yours? Your PIL's? Your husband's? I can see the point of not wanting to cause yourself or your husband any upset, but frankly, fuck them getting upset, it's deserved. And how would you end up upset - because they would ramp up the nastiness?

"I’ve told my partner how I feel but don’t really want him to get involved. If he speaks to them, they have form for ‘kicking off’. "
So they bully him too.

I would simply go No Contact again. They are arseholes, and that's not going to change. Incidentally, what caused you to resume contact with them? And would I be correct in assuming there was pressure on you to do so?

I guess I’m looking to handle it in a way so that it doesn’t blow up. That’s not saying I’m going to let them continue but I want to take their ‘power’ away from them. Me responding aggressively will work in their favour (they can use it against me) so at the moment, that’s not how I want to respond.

OP posts:
StewkeyBlue · 27/10/2025 15:50

Ponchodreams · 27/10/2025 15:30

"Not this fucking shit again! Bore off!"

This.

And tell your DH to say ‘M&D give it a rest, I’ve heard it enough times’

They do this as a power play. They do it because they think he is too wet to respond and is therefore still on their side / under their control not yours.

If they do it again after saying this just calmly go no contact again

NattyRedFinch · 27/10/2025 15:51

Say something like “Well you’re practically at the stage of shitting yourself in adult nappies all day, so I can only assume you’re jealous of my age.”

Lollypop701 · 27/10/2025 15:51

They do it because they get a reaction…yes they are still bullying you just in a jokey way to get around being pulled up. if you’re not there then there’s no reaction so I’d go no contact … or perhaps ask them if they need a dementia check as they appear to be repeating themselves recently and at their age you ‘worry’ for them

HundredMilesAnHour · 27/10/2025 15:52

didntlikeanyofthesuggestions · 27/10/2025 15:00

If someone made a joke about my age every couple of weeks I'd probably just ignore it and carry on with my life.

Same. In fact I probably make a self-deprecating joke about my own age more often than that!

If it’s exactly the same joke I can see how it might get a bit dull but I’d probably just make a dig back about senile dementia and how they keep repeating themselves and/or I’d start a sweepstake about how many days it will be until they next mention my age. Might even start giving out prizes if someone guesses correctly.

Honestly I think you need to lighten up. Just laugh it off.

Edit: why don’t you start putting £1 in a jar every time they do it and use the money to treat yourself to some new shoes or a meal out? And make a point in telling the in-laws exactly how you paid for it. 😉You can make your point without being unpleasant.

StewkeyBlue · 27/10/2025 15:54

Personally I would not engage in any petty passive aggressive come backs to do with cards or their own ages. All that will do is cue them up see it as an ongoing battle to be even worse.

And it’s pathetic and immature.

IMO.

diddl · 27/10/2025 15:56

I think I'd not bother to see them.

I mean what's the point?

Cherrysoup · 27/10/2025 15:57

Does your dp not say anything? He needs to tell them to stfu if it’s annoying you.

averythinline · 27/10/2025 15:58

How can they use it against you if you are NC...? If your partner won't support you thats another problem.. why did you start talking to them again??

Maybe 1 more time and make it absolutely clear... No more crap or stop this crap or I walk away again.. they were bullies before sounds like they still are... You really don't need them

annonymousse · 27/10/2025 16:04

I think I would just snap "this again!?! When are you going to get bored of it because I bloody am!"

Teaandchocolate2222 · 27/10/2025 16:05

“I’ve noticed you bring up my age a lot, and often joke about it”. Then just look at them and see what they say to that. Sometimes just reflecting back what someone is doing is enough to make them stop and think. Try and say it with no agenda and just a mild curiosity. If they say “oh we are only joking around” etc maybe just say “hmm, you often bring it up…”. Hopefully it will
make them feel a bit awkward without you looking bad in any way as you are just stating the facts as you see them

NoisyMonster678 · 27/10/2025 16:13

They lack the intelligence to communicate with you with kindness then that is their poblem

The trouble is if you tell them to stop they nay kick off so now is the time for your oartner to grow a spine and step in and deal with them because they are his problem.

What if he backs them up by saying they are just having a bit if fun?

These two inebriates have put you in an awful situation o be careful what you do next

Sounds like you have had enough and no wonder because its wearing thin

InSpainTheRain · 27/10/2025 16:15

Urgh that would so annoy me! Perhaps use the phrase from @Dollymylove "I don't understand the obsession with me being 40... I'm hardly at the pearly gates" (implying they are indeed closer). Then just don't engage on it, don't laugh when they mention it, don't smile, if they ask you if you're pissed off say "I'm not pissed off because I'm 40, but mentioning it so much when it's non-event is pretty tiresome, yes". I can see how it would sap the enjoyment out of a visit, they sound a bit immature to me.

Original poster
opaltimer1 · 27/10/2025 16:17

HundredMilesAnHour · 27/10/2025 15:52

Same. In fact I probably make a self-deprecating joke about my own age more often than that!

If it’s exactly the same joke I can see how it might get a bit dull but I’d probably just make a dig back about senile dementia and how they keep repeating themselves and/or I’d start a sweepstake about how many days it will be until they next mention my age. Might even start giving out prizes if someone guesses correctly.

Honestly I think you need to lighten up. Just laugh it off.

Edit: why don’t you start putting £1 in a jar every time they do it and use the money to treat yourself to some new shoes or a meal out? And make a point in telling the in-laws exactly how you paid for it. 😉You can make your point without being unpleasant.

Edited
Show quote history

I do joke about my age all the time but I think if someone jokes at me repeatedly at my expense, it’s bullying. If I knew my jokes were causing upset to someone, I’d stop.

yes maybe I should lighten up and ignore it. These replies are interesting as there’s such a range of responses

OP posts:
aquashiv · 27/10/2025 16:19

NattyRedFinch · 27/10/2025 15:51

Say something like “Well you’re practically at the stage of shitting yourself in adult nappies all day, so I can only assume you’re jealous of my age.”

Definitely say this

CoucouCat · 27/10/2025 16:20

I’d just reply, something banal every single time like “old enough to know better, young enough not to care! Hahahhahaha”

Even if the comment is completely irrelevant. Hopefully you’ll sound so unhinged you’ll baffle them into a worried silence.

aquashiv · 27/10/2025 16:24

At least the early onset hasn't set in yet, unlike you two. You seem to forget that you say the same thing every time I see you. Honestly, I just wouldn't go around to be insulted.

pigsDOfly · 27/10/2025 16:25

They sound ridiculous.

I wouldn't react at all to this. Every time they make one of their stupid remarks just give them a hard stare and change the subject.

Remember, it's only a joke if everyone is laughing.

All my children are around the 40 mark: two are over 40 and one is just under, and it has never entered my head to make stupid 'jokes' about their ages.

I'm nearly twice your age OP. I'd love to be 40.

Notagain75 · 27/10/2025 16:25

Just ignore it.
Don't sent OAP cards back as that will just make it into a hokey thing between you and make it go on longer. Don't react, or comment when they mention it and move into something else

SparklyGlitterballs · 27/10/2025 16:28

Tell them "Life begins at 40, so I'm cool with it. Shame you two are nearer the age when life ends" and accompany it with a laugh that shows you think it's hilarious.

Bwiblestix · 27/10/2025 16:31

Overtheatlantic · 27/10/2025 15:38

“So what, you’ll die first.”

I know this is somewhat light-hearted but I could never say anything like that. None of us know what is around the corner........... I could be marking my own card!

PixieandMe · 27/10/2025 16:32

They have a very unsophisticated sense of humour.

I’d probably reply every time with ‘oh, I know it’s so funny!’ because clearly they’re not the sharpest tools in the box and there’s absolutely no point in arguing with idiots.

vincettenoir · 27/10/2025 16:36

It does sound tiresome and maybe a little mean-spirited. I wouldn’t get them OAP cards as engaging in it will just carry it on I think.

IMO going no contact or bringing up the issue would be disproportionate. This is just how they are. You don’t have to be their bessie or even enjoy their company. Just roll your eyes and move on.

vincettenoir · 27/10/2025 16:36

Bwiblestix · 27/10/2025 16:31

I know this is somewhat light-hearted but I could never say anything like that. None of us know what is around the corner........... I could be marking my own card!

Show quote history

Me too.

Cavello · 27/10/2025 16:40

My step father-in-law was just like this, commenting endlessly about my age, and I had all the standard responses, "well you'll always be older than me" and "older and wiser". I don't know why he thought it was so funny and thought he was being so cutting. I genuinely am not bothered about getting older.

The last time he tried to make a joke about my age (I'm late 40s now), I said "well you know what, at least I outlived my brother, so there is that". He died in a freak car accident at 45. That comment properly stopped him. In your situation I would probably say "what's the alternative, do you want to see me dead?".

They are absolute morons. Some of us aren't bothered about getting older, it is a privilege denied to many.