In laws ‘teasing’ about my age

[opaltimer1]

This probably sounds pathetic but here goes…

Recently, every time I see my in laws, they ‘joke’ about my age. I’m 40 for context, they are both mid 60s. They clearly enjoy teasing me about it but it’s now becoming so frequent it’s annoying me. I don’t mind the odd age joke a couple of times a year, to me that’s normal but in the past six months I’d say they’ve brought my age up around 7-10 times. They think it’s hilarious I’m now the wrong side of 40. I joke about their age as a response especially since FIL is officially a pensioner next year so have a comeback as such but nothing changes. If I ignore, they still laugh. I’m planning on sending them OAP type birthday cards to give them a taste of their own medicine.

I feel it’s developing into a form of bullying and want it to stop but nothing really works. I’ve told my partner how I feel but don’t really want him to get involved. If he speaks to them, they have form for ‘kicking off’. I know I can try to not get annoyed etc but it’s got to the point that I don’t want to see them. I went no contact a few years ago (MIL awful favouritism and a big bully) so this teasing is triggering memories of that but want to find a way to stop them without causing upset. Any ideas?

They still can be your parents but fair enough, your husband is still very young and could catch a 30 years old. Either ways, forget about it

Wouldn’t care about causing offence, just wouldn’t see them again. Life is too short to spend it around narcissistic twats

You want to take away their power? Make them feel irrelevant by interrupting them whenever they show any indication of mentioning your age then speaking over them. Timing is crucial.

If they persist and you’re at the limit you could remind them that DP chose you, you chose him but prefer it if they weren’t part of the deal. It would be NC forever though. Consider this carefully beforehand.

Ps, don’t send the oap card. Once they know it upsets you, game over. They are looking for reaction.

With these types, I just vanish. They just never hear from me again, yes..even in laws (cut off, buh bye now 👋 )

“I know! Awful isn’t it, what’s it like at your age?”

My FIL used to do exactly this - and I am 6 years younger than DH. He used to say things like, "I bet you willl be really upset about turning 40" or more bizarrely he would refer to me in the third person (while I was right in front of him) and say "Soda is really going to hate turning 40."

It came out of the blue because they had known me for 20 years by this time and I had never commented on birthdays and ages. If I said I wasn't bothered about turning 40, he took that as evidence that I was. I couldn't win. I just used to tilt my head, raise my eyebrows amd smile. They lived hundreds of miles from us and stayed for a week maybe 3 times a year, so I just concentrated on getting through it without a big argument.

Another gem from him was, "because you are star sign Virgo, you will be struggle to be affectionate with your children." Both FIL and MIL took horoscopes very seriously.

Because they were generally very kind I let a few weird remarks wash over me.

I am a whole lot older and wiser now - and less tolerant of nonsense. I would probably say something like, "now Gerorge, can we both consider the remark you just made, why you made it and how you expected me to feel about it?"

That's exactly what they're doing. Next time say: 'God, will you ever stop being so jealous!?' And just keep repeating this. If they refuse to stop, I'd just stop visiting them. Let your DH handle it.

My ex mil joked about my age more times than I cared to remember, I told her that as she was 32 years older than me, I'd buy her a prepaid funeral plan for her birthday as she'd need it long before me.
The jokes never occurred again.

Either avoid seeing them. Or when they start on about age roll your eyes and say oh not this again. Can't we talk about something else.

"Dear me, jealousy's a terrible thing". Directed at your DH, like you're really sorry for her.

Come back with something like “This joke is almost as old and tired and the pair of you! The fact you think it’s still funny is the real joke!” Or “oh god, are we still doing this joke, or is dementia kicking in…..the joke stopped being funny after the 20th time” cue the eye roll and reach for your phone and just scroll looking very bored!
This stuff pissed me right off! It’s definitely a form of bullying!

Right. Here's what I'd do. Treat them like OAPs in a very, very deadpan fashion. Constantly. They come round? Open the door and immediately cry 'watch your step'. Help them to an armchair. Whip out a blanket and pop sit over their knees. Speak LOUDLY AND SLOWLY. Lots of nodding / head tilting / encouraging SMILES when they reply. Serving them dinner? Cut it up into little pieces for them. Maybe offer to tuck a napkin into their collar. Push their chair in for them. Going out for a walk? Ooh not sure about that. Terribly uneven ground. Maybe invest in a couple of walking sticks and try to press these on them. Basically treat them like they're 100 and you're terribly concerned about them. They'll soon get the message.

Maybe suggest that they should get some dementia tests done at "their age" as they seem to have forgotten that you do indeed know how old you are but that the fact they raise it every time they see you is causing you some concern about whether they have dementia.

They're not taking hints so just tell them directly. "It was funny the first time or two, it's just old now."

Tell them that you want to have a chat about something a bit sensitive. Say that you’re worried about MIL as you’ve noticed she keeps telling the same ‘joke’ over and over and you think maybe they should speak with her GP about possible memory issues.

With my in laws a cold silence and a raised eye brow would let them know I wasn’t happy about their joke - can you try something like that?

I'd be tempted to say, "Yeah, but I'll always be younger than you!" with a laugh. And then change the subject. If they don't shut up, ask DP to have a word and tell them to give it a rest because it's boring.

I wouldn’t address it directly but I’d definitely sign them up to every email and promotional material I could for every older age related product/ issue that I could. Think incontinence, stair lifts, damart catalogue, care homes. But then maybe I’m just petty 😂😂

Ask them with concern, “are you worried about ageing? If you are, we can talk about it. Make plans if you want to for the eventuality” Any comeback they have, you can say “you seem overly preoccupied with age, hence I asked”

Agree. Maturity doesn’t necessarily come with age. Clearly, the 40+ and the 60+ here haven’t the wisdom that comes with age. I can see that you feel bullied but happiness is a state of mind. Be secure with your age and move on.

The fact that you say you were no contact before as MIL is a bully , shows me clearly they’re not larking around , they want to upset you with constant digs ..
I’d go back to no contact..
No one needs an arsehole in their life , not to mind two !..

A friend of mine once told me , if you keep company with someone that when you’ve left their company you have feelings of anxiousness, negativity, well then it’s time to remove yourself from these kind of people..Period ..
It was with regard to a different “ friend “ , she was always passing comments, digs , hurting my feelings with sly remarks..
I took my other friends advice, & I messaged her a very nice , civil message, explaining the reasons as to why our friendship would not be continuing, & I never saw her again & was all the better for it..
That was 20 years ago …

'MIL, FIL, ever since I turned 40 you have been bleating constantly about my 'advanced' age. Do you mean to upset me? Do you mean to embarrass me?'
'It's just a joke'
'I believe I have made it perfectly clear that I do not find it amusing in any way. I ask again, do you mean to upset me?'
Keep insisting that they admit what they are trying to do. It turns the tables back on them and focuses on their poor behaviour. Unless they throw a tantrum -which also helps to pin poor behaviour on them- they'll have to back down and will probably stop doing it. Or, you go NC again.
'This now feels like bullying and I don't want to spend time around toxic bullies.'

Just say 'it could be worse, I could be 60".

Sometimes leaving the room can be a good move. You don’t have to flounce - just say “excuse me for a moment”, leave, and don’t come back until you feel like it.

The retorts on this thread are killing me 😂😂 use all of them OP