New guy put me off right before we had sex for the first time

[Brooklans]

Just wondering if this would put anyone else off or if I’m being a bit silly.

Background info: I’ve been single for 7 months. Had a few dates here and there, but not slept with anyone since breaking up with ex-dp, as I didn’t like anyone enough to do so. I have been seeing this guy for a month now, and we were about to have sex for the first time over the weekend, but I got put off and left early.

We were at his house, first time I’d been over there. Sat on the sofa watching tv, we were hugging and began kissing. It had been no longer than 15-20 seconds into kissing, our clothes were still on, no foreplay or heavy petting, when he said
”Suck me off and make me cum first” (before we have sex, he meant)

It was just so premature and abrupt, it turned me off. It didn’t feel natural in anyway. I was planning on eventually giving him oral sex, but the fact that he ‘ordered’ me to do it quickly, while we still had our clothes on, sat on his sofa, it felt so transactional.

After he said it, my face must have showed some disgust or disappointment. I sat there and he asked me what was wrong, I said “You’ve ruined the mood”

He apologised, he said his reason for saying that was because he was worried he’d cum quickly. He thought if I’d given him oral sex first, we could have a break then have sex later, and he’d last longer, and that he was actually thinking about my needs (not entirely convinced on the last part).

It’s killed my attraction to him now I think, I’m not sure how to get back to the place I was at before.

AIBU?

That’s the sort of thing that used to be said to my friends and I when we were teenagers by our teenage boyfriends who lacked respect and maturity. I would not expect this from a grown man, and certainly not upon my first sexual encounter with him. Well done for standing your ground!

It’s not what a girl hopes to hear. Imagine a nice old, romantic black and white film, soft focus on Gregory Peck and he utters those words.

@Brooklans that is just awful! Be glad he gave you an ever better reason to leave than the chips! He sounds very oblivious, at best, and totally charmless. I suppose he might have removed the Doritos and dip himself if you had made a gesture towards the cock? Possibly. Either way, yuk!

I think you’ve dodged a bullet and he’s saved you from a lot of dull unsatisfying sex. Walk away now.

Exactly this. ^ Some women have a very low bar.

Isn't it a well known thing that men have a wank before a date so they will last longer? Is he young enough to actually be able to get it up again after a bj?

I also don't think sex requires a big conversation beforehand. He miscalculated and it gave you an ick. I would as well. However, if he now brought it up and 'explained himself' i might be able to move on. But if this is up in the air, then nope. He sounds like he is bad and selfish lover.

Absolutely grim. And if he texted me afterwards to ask if I was free on Wednesday, my reply would be ‘sorry but no, all the best.’

'5 weeks in and no sex yet?' Yeah, so?

Do you really think 5 weeks is a long time to have not had sex yet?

As I said, I'm glad I'm old and don't have to be fucked with this shite. People thinking 5 weeks without shagging is a long time. DH and I waited 4 months. (late 1980s.) I know wacky right?!

I really feel sorry for women now (who are going into new relationships) because so many men are utter pigs now. As a pp said, they have had their brains warped and fucked up by nasty, hard-core porn. I thank GOD that I was a young woman in the 1980s and 1990s.

I can hear fanny doors slamming shut all over the country in sympathy for you OP.

I think that would be a deal breaker for most people with a new guy.

dump and move on. There will be others who might be worth dating.

Please keep us updated!

He still had a sharers size bag of Doritos and a jar of Sour Cream and Chive dipping sauce on his crotch. In the mids of my disgust I remember looking down at them and thinking I’d have to remove the crisps and dip to get to his cock

I think this is both the grimmest and the funniest thing I’ve read on here in ages. Sympathies OP, it’s awful out there. What a shame for you but like someone else said, there’s no going back after the ick hits.

Fanny doors! 😆 That made me hoot, I'm not gonna lie!

He could have satisfied you first and then himself. He went straight to his needs. How old is he?
Women need foreplay before sex doesn't he know that!

Old enough to know better. He’s 33. Agree with the PP who said this is how her and her friends were spoken to as teenagers. This is what it reminds me of.

Yeah, if he thought this was going to be a problem why didn’t he give YOU oral sex and make you cum first? Then it wouldn’t matter so much if he didn’t last long.

I just find the whole thing a bit weird.

There are men who like getting oral but don't like to give it. This might have been his way of signalling that. Either way, well rid of him.

What a load of bull he didn’t mean it

As several previous posters have noted, literally every man alive knows that if you worry about finishing too quickly you knock one (or more) out before the main event.

I'd put money on him being unable to go again if you had complied. You would have ended up with a mouthful of jizz to go with your Doritos and sour cream and not much else. Bleurgh.

That's so depressing.

Choking is a massive red flag. This is one of those things that's very asymmetrical, and I don't think a lot of women understand that just because they're an ok person who happens to like or not mind being choked, doesn't mean that the man's an ok guy too.

There's a reason why some men like doing that, and it's not good.

😂

OP, to me, I think the reason why you found it such a turn off is because he spoke to you in quite a depersonalised way. There is something teenage and unsophisticated about it.

Ew. I mean that’s not very romantic for your first time is it.

Absolutely agree

stopping oxygen to your brain can never ever be done safely it’s always a risk but now it’s given playful names that so many are doing it doesn’t mean the risk is low

the influence of porn is so depressing it has been so detrimental for woman

back to op move on what a grim immature and disrespectful man he is you know there are better men out there

Yeah it's a bit laughable. You do wonder about the brain cells of some of these men.

Well said.

Yuk - lucky escape