New guy put me off right before we had sex for the first time

[Brooklans]

Just wondering if this would put anyone else off or if I’m being a bit silly.

Background info: I’ve been single for 7 months. Had a few dates here and there, but not slept with anyone since breaking up with ex-dp, as I didn’t like anyone enough to do so. I have been seeing this guy for a month now, and we were about to have sex for the first time over the weekend, but I got put off and left early.

We were at his house, first time I’d been over there. Sat on the sofa watching tv, we were hugging and began kissing. It had been no longer than 15-20 seconds into kissing, our clothes were still on, no foreplay or heavy petting, when he said
”Suck me off and make me cum first” (before we have sex, he meant)

It was just so premature and abrupt, it turned me off. It didn’t feel natural in anyway. I was planning on eventually giving him oral sex, but the fact that he ‘ordered’ me to do it quickly, while we still had our clothes on, sat on his sofa, it felt so transactional.

After he said it, my face must have showed some disgust or disappointment. I sat there and he asked me what was wrong, I said “You’ve ruined the mood”

He apologised, he said his reason for saying that was because he was worried he’d cum quickly. He thought if I’d given him oral sex first, we could have a break then have sex later, and he’d last longer, and that he was actually thinking about my needs (not entirely convinced on the last part).

It’s killed my attraction to him now I think, I’m not sure how to get back to the place I was at before.

AIBU?

I am quite libertine in attitude when it comes to sex and relaxed about language, but this would be a deal breaker for me.

Did he offer similar for you? There is no way l would entertain someone with my mouth if they had not done so and done it well too.

I've just come back to read his line again, it's an absolute lol classic. I'm sorry OP and I'm so proud of any woman that says no to this. Every little helps to raise that bar.

Nought wrong with your feel8ngs or reaction. You are not a “prude”. Let’s bin that word. If you don’t like it, that’s entirely within your right, and it doesn’t make you a prude.

He may have tried to be all manly & studlike. It didn’t work & massively backfired.

Maybe meet up Wednesday as suggested, CHAT!, clear the air. Decide after that what you want to do? Bin or not :)

She's already told him a couple of times that she doesn't feel the same about him. She's had a strong reaction to this and it's highly unlikely anything will change if she meets him again, and what's she going to say then 'sorry, was just checking....but nope, definitely still have the ick'

that would have put me off too. I wouldn't be able to keep seeing him. you need someone that makes you feel respected.

You do know about delayed death from choking/strangulation where your airwy swells shut from the physical trauma of being strangled dont you

I have NEVER had anyone try and choke me - if they did I would grab their balls so hard they'd reconsider. It is NOT safe.

For most who are into 'choking', they're not being choked/strangled, the pressure is not firm enough.

It's like equating someone liking a little spanking to someone getting a vicious beating, they are not the same.

Not even rising to this you’re just looking for attention 🙂

Because truth hurts 😂😂😂

Yes agree maybe he just tried to be manly and studlike, but was just a bit too much too soon, it made me cringe. We were eating Doritos on his sofa for gods sake 😂

I told him yesterday I won’t be seeing him today, and that I didn’t want to lead him on. He seemed quite put out but seems to have accepted it.

Part of me is now thinking if I was even that interested to begin with, as I woke up this morning feeling completely unbothered.

Kiss, kiss, kiss ... Doritos and sauce nestling in groin ...
OP: Mmmm ...
Man: Suck me off and make me cum!
OP: No, go and have a wank.
Man transfers snacks to OP's lap, exits while unzipping fly.
OP, calling after him:
And wash your cock afterwards!
OP eats a couple of Doritos, shifts position, waits

😂😂😂 that is actually horrific.

Talking dirty is apart of sex for crying out load! It turns the guy on as well as the woman. Why can't you understand this

Why can't you understand that not everyone likes the same things? Loads of people love dirty talk and loads of people don't.

It's not toxic feminism to be turned off a man. What a pathetic thing to say. It's toxic masculinity to think that a woman shouldn't be disgusted (even if she is) and should accept whatever a man wants to do whether she wants to or not. What a vile, entitled, toxic post from you.

Fuck me. What would we do without the cocky little men infiltrating MN and putting us straight.

Looks like someone shared this post on an incel board and they have all come piling in to join the action 😂

You can stop now, we can all tell by your posts that you're a truly fabulous lover who really understands women and sex 😂😂

OP hasn't done anything wrong.
She just got turned off him.

She doesn't owe him sex just because she was up for it before he said that, she doesn't owe him sex or another date just because he apologised.

I am married with a gorgeous feminine wife who I respect and have 3 children with in a fully paid off house at the age of 35 so yes I do understand women and sex.

Why are you posting silly childish posts on MN then?

Thankfully people like you will be bred out of the gene pool

What the fuck is wrong with you, you nasty bastard?

You’ve taught me a new expression- ham fisted. I had to Google what it meant, I have never heard this before (English is not my first language)

Can’t wait to use it in conversation. Although hopefully in completely different circumstances 😆