New guy put me off right before we had sex for the first time

[Brooklans]

Just wondering if this would put anyone else off or if I’m being a bit silly.

Background info: I’ve been single for 7 months. Had a few dates here and there, but not slept with anyone since breaking up with ex-dp, as I didn’t like anyone enough to do so. I have been seeing this guy for a month now, and we were about to have sex for the first time over the weekend, but I got put off and left early.

We were at his house, first time I’d been over there. Sat on the sofa watching tv, we were hugging and began kissing. It had been no longer than 15-20 seconds into kissing, our clothes were still on, no foreplay or heavy petting, when he said
”Suck me off and make me cum first” (before we have sex, he meant)

It was just so premature and abrupt, it turned me off. It didn’t feel natural in anyway. I was planning on eventually giving him oral sex, but the fact that he ‘ordered’ me to do it quickly, while we still had our clothes on, sat on his sofa, it felt so transactional.

After he said it, my face must have showed some disgust or disappointment. I sat there and he asked me what was wrong, I said “You’ve ruined the mood”

He apologised, he said his reason for saying that was because he was worried he’d cum quickly. He thought if I’d given him oral sex first, we could have a break then have sex later, and he’d last longer, and that he was actually thinking about my needs (not entirely convinced on the last part).

It’s killed my attraction to him now I think, I’m not sure how to get back to the place I was at before.

AIBU?

Op you say “we had potential” but it’s important to remember that’s all it is. Potential. Potential doesn’t mean it would have been anything good. It just means that when you envision your future there’s a possibility. He also has potential to be a complete slime ball who will treat you like shit. Don’t hang on to potential, it’s a two sided coin. Or a 20 sided die.

It's all about context. After a brief snog before first time sex was not the place, unless they'd met on a fans of dirty talking reddit or somesuch. The update about the lap snacks makes it even less sexy. He wasn't thinking about turning her on whatsoever.

Yeah, I like a man with a filthy mouth, personally. I also like men who aren’t shy about telling you what they enjoy, and I’m certainly both vocal and very blunt in bed myself.

I’m fascinated by the people on this thread who have said that they only ever give blowjobs if the man doesn’t ask for one. I can’t imagine being in bed with someone and not wanting each other to ask for the things we like. But as you say - no accounting for taste and each to their own.

My issue with the OP’s date wouldn’t be the words he used or the fact that he asked - just that he expected a blowjob after 20 seconds of kissing, when they’d never had sex before, and he hadn’t even touched her! And was halfway through eating a bag of crisps 😂 I mean… no. Just no. It all just says ‘utterly clueless in bed’ to me.

Where do you get the 7 months from? OP said they have been dating around one month.

Haha yes he does sound at about Inbetweeners level of maturity!

"Suck me off" 🤢
Who even says that over the age of 15?
Also massive Ick at the "cum" word, but appreciate it fits his narrative 😶

What happened afterwards/since then OP?

I wouldn’t even want an established partner to say this! Wpuld you say to an established partner ‘get your head down there and make me cum’?
It’s all so porn-y 🥱. Seriously, what happened to ‘making love’?

I don’t mind a bit of dominant behaviour I draw the line at someone demanding I suck them off before they’ve even bothered to put down their sour cream dip!

He could have at least fucking waited until he’s put his crisps down and took your clothes off!!

Oh yeah sorry , she was single 7 months, I thought alright 7 months was a nice bit to wait 😂

What a boorish man. Get him gone. Pronto

Grim. EVEN if that was all true and it was about you etc:

1. Ermmm wait longer than 20 seconds?
2. Communicate and have a conversation not a command?

Too much too soon! Xx

Oh yuck. Run for the hills.

Fucking creep.

Yuck.

How utterly fucking disgusting.

Smacks of a self entitled bell end to me

If he was actually bothered at all he would have been having an open conversation with you. And if he didn't feel comfortable enough to do that then he shouldn't be having sex

Not a fucking chance I'd see him again

Imagine if a daughter told you a new partner said this to her...

Utterly grim

You're right to have the ick. I would not go near him after that. Never.

So what's happened since @Brooklans did you text him back to end it?

Please learn about Disciplinary/directive patterns of speech in dating:

Burnt Haystack on Instagram

In situations like this you can never be unreasonable. If it made you feel uncomfortable then get out of there. People's boundaries are different, but he crossed yours.

Exactly this.

Bollocks was he thinking of your needs!

What a well observed clever woman

I only got to page 2. I may be an outlier, but I thought it was hot. Maybe Im weird. Im old (51), and quite a high flyer though, but I find that sort of dominance really sexy.

Ill get my coat...lol

@Brooklans I must be from another planet. I don't understand why it's so disgusting, or off-putting, that someone verbalised something that was going to happen anyway if he had not verbalised it.

So havent read the rest, but I would like it, as long as afterwards my needs were met - but i do like dominance in a man. BUT if you don't like it then tell him (he may have had an ex that was into it) give him a chance. Tell him what you like/don't like - if he listens then great, if not then fuck him off