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AIBU?

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Original poster

Cleaner invited friends over AIBU

1000 replies

Nestingbirds · 27/10/2025 06:43

We have an arrangement with our cleaner that she takes care of our animals when we are away for a few days. She usually stays in the annexe but this time stayed in our house due to refurbishment.

We had an agreement when this started that we would prefer she didn’t have visitors apart from her long term boyfriend. He is away atm. She was totally on board, and said she would feel the same if it was her house.

We pay her really really well, and leave her lots of treats including fresh flowers. She told me she likes the time she has to herself, and all is well.

Only our neighbour texted me to say there are people coming and going from our house and sent me her ring doorbell footage. Not only is she having friends over, she isn’t actually spending time with the animals or cleaning (we pay her separately for both) as the rest of the time she has been out. We never leave our dog all day. Whilst we obviously don’t mind her going out, and want her to be happy, I just feel taken for a ride as she is clearly not there doing either.

I have messaged her to see how she is, hoping she would be honest about her friend coming over and staying for hours in our house, but she has continued to lie to me.

I feel like I can’t trust her now. Wwyd?

OP posts:
Mangetoutmangetouti · 28/10/2025 16:17

BackToLurk · 27/10/2025 14:05

So to recap @Nestingbirds

You have a cleaner who 'runs her own clients', but only actually has one other client who happened to be on holiday when you went away.

This cleaner, who cleans when you are there, also answers the door when you are there - and presumably capable of going to the door yourself. Poses as you to delivery drivers and orders workmen around.

She also steals your clothes to wear (which you've seen. Is she wearing them to work?) and has your home in her WA profile. In addition it turns out she has deliveries sent to your home because she is never in. Not to her other clients, and presumably they only come when she is there. Or do you 'pose' as her. Nevertheless you decided to trust her with your dog.

She's looked after your dog before - who is very nervous so presumably they would need to be very careful walking him around other dogs - but you haven't noticed any problems before, because she was in the annex. Was the dog also in the annex? Questions, questions.

You are now hot footing it home to your poor nervous dog, who you left with the woman from Single White Female, as your lovely neighbour has alerted you. Possibly because they were worried about your dog/maybe because they heard your dog/definitely because your dog has been whining all day.

Have I missed anything?

really good précis, thank you ☺️ 🙏

Sandtheedges · 28/10/2025 16:21

BigButtons · 28/10/2025 15:42

@Sandtheedges you think the op sounds very involved? I think you sound very unpleasant. Why the nasty posts?

I’ve not posted anything nasty. If you think they are report them and MN will remove them.

I’ve posted that this seems a very strange and odd situation.

Glindaa · 28/10/2025 16:22

Nestingbirds · 28/10/2025 15:39

That is horrendous. I am not surprised you must have felt so violated. Absolutely awful to take such advantage of a vulnerable person/couple. Especially when it’s your parents. I am so sorry that happened to you and your family 💐

Thank you for so much support, dh and I have read every reply, and appreciated every post.

I can’t think of leaving the pets again for a good long while, so we are just researching dog friendly hotels u. Europe. It has cheered us up a little!

Show quote history

Uk also has so many dog friendly places worth looking into- and our summers are better than they used to be thanks to global warming

FunCrab · 28/10/2025 16:26

And she is been watched by neighbour.
Does she know that neighbour is watching her?
What it is like to be under surveillance!

EalingW13 · 28/10/2025 16:49

If people are worried about being “under surveillance” from people’s security cameras, I’m afraid that that ship has sailed. Think twice before you scratch your bum on someone’s doorstep because they’re probably watching you on their ring doorbell.

DBSFstupid · 28/10/2025 16:50

Sandtheedges · 28/10/2025 11:54

She’s just not that into you op. Sounds like that’s hard for you to hear

Eh?

Bathingforest · 28/10/2025 16:57

Well, OP, you felt in your heart it is finished. This is too private, she has access to your private home, life, property, bathrooms, bedrooms, documents, animals.....I wonder what goes through people's minds sometimes to behave like this but

Bathingforest · 28/10/2025 16:58

Some of you posters coming with random comments clearly driven by jealousy. Why

CountSlugula · 28/10/2025 16:59

OP you sound like a lovely person and I'm sorry this happened to you.

I used to think there were "trustworthy people" and "untrustworthy people" in the world. I've come to realise over time that actually a large proportion of people will take advantage if someone is overly nice and generous to a fault. It's almost an instinct. Whereas the same people stay in line when clear boundaries are maintained and they know they can't get away with it.

For future cleaners and pet sitters - treat them politely and professionally, but maintain a distance. They are not friends. Pay the agreed rate and maybe a small gift like a bottle of wine. Cut out the flowers and extra gifts. Install a doorbell camera and make them aware of it.

It's not your fault but I think there are things that could reduce the risk of this happening again.

Sandtheedges · 28/10/2025 16:59

Bathingforest · 28/10/2025 16:58

Some of you posters coming with random comments clearly driven by jealousy. Why

Jealousy of? Bizarre comment!

Bathingforest · 28/10/2025 17:02

Sandtheedges · 28/10/2025 15:25

Because the op sounds very involved. Numerous mentions of leaving her fresh flowers, buying her ‘gloves in her favourite colour’ and birthday and Christmas presents. Saying it ‘feels like she’s lost an old friend’ and ‘she knows us better than our close friends’. It’s all just very odd.

And she keeps going on about her salary as if it was a favour she was paid, like ‘she has a dent in her mortgage due to us’ and describing the shopping bags as ‘spending our money’ and ‘treating my whole family to something lovely with her salary this weekend.’ I mean wtf did she pay the cleaner…..going rate is like £15-20 an hour. And we’ve established she paid her below minimum wage for the house sitting. I doubt anyone is getting rich on that.

As I say, very odd. I’m not sure many people who’ve had cleaners and the occasional dog sitter can say they feel this enmeshed

Edited
Show quote history

The poster is loving and friendly. What is wrong with that? She might not have children, just pets and gets used to people.

NotForTheMoneyandNotForTheApplause · 28/10/2025 17:07

FunCrab · 28/10/2025 16:26

And she is been watched by neighbour.
Does she know that neighbour is watching her?
What it is like to be under surveillance!

Sometimes I look out of my window and see my neighbours and idly watch them going about their lives, should I be letting them know they are under surveillance?

When I'm driving I often see cars coming the other way with dashcams, never once have I been notified that they are recording me?

Are you prone to dramatics?

Blodyneighbour · 28/10/2025 17:09

As an animal lover, I totally get why you feel how you feel. And I am so glad you came home early for your poor dog. I would have done the same. And Thankfully you have a great trustworthy neighbour who looked out for you and your animals. So although you lost the trust of your cleaner/dog sitter, you now have gained a trust in your neighbour you never though you would have, and that's a positive.
I hope you can find trust in someone else. I am so pleased you did the right thing OP

AliceMaforethought · 28/10/2025 17:19

Hiver · 28/10/2025 15:13

And same on previous holidays over last two years?

Show quote history

Quit your goading. We all recognize you. Cut it out. @Nestingbirds I would suggest not responding to this person, they are a returning nuisance.

AliceMaforethought · 28/10/2025 17:20

Sandtheedges · 28/10/2025 16:59

Jealousy of? Bizarre comment!

Show quote history

Someone being able to afford a cleaner.

JoemarIerseyes · 28/10/2025 17:23

Nestingbirds · 27/10/2025 13:06

Good cleaning ladies are so hard to source here, maybe it was needing it to work out too.

Not for £25 ph - youd get loads of professional cleaners in for that!!

AliceMaforethought · 28/10/2025 17:24

CountSlugula · 28/10/2025 16:59

OP you sound like a lovely person and I'm sorry this happened to you.

I used to think there were "trustworthy people" and "untrustworthy people" in the world. I've come to realise over time that actually a large proportion of people will take advantage if someone is overly nice and generous to a fault. It's almost an instinct. Whereas the same people stay in line when clear boundaries are maintained and they know they can't get away with it.

For future cleaners and pet sitters - treat them politely and professionally, but maintain a distance. They are not friends. Pay the agreed rate and maybe a small gift like a bottle of wine. Cut out the flowers and extra gifts. Install a doorbell camera and make them aware of it.

It's not your fault but I think there are things that could reduce the risk of this happening again.

While I partially agree with this, and certainly agree with your advice, I'm not sure that this particular piss taker was ever trustworthy. They sound like a complete grifter, more than just a casual opportunist.

marshmallowmix · 28/10/2025 17:34

Not read the full thread, hope you have given her her marching orders !

You can’t trust her and she is taking advantage…

NotThisShitAgain121 · 28/10/2025 17:38

Do you really need us to advise you that you need to sack her? She is well and taking taking the piss. Get rid.

seasally · 28/10/2025 17:40

It's a very easy journey over to Europe with the dog using the tunnel. I can't leave my dog and I've enjoyed travelling round Europe with him.
And good news the pet passport is going to be reinstated so it will be a lot cheaper soon.
I'm so sorry you have had this horrible experience and I would be similarly upset if it had happened to me. At least you have found out so it won't ever happen again and you will enjoy many lovely trips with your dog from now on.

LavenderRagdoll · 28/10/2025 17:42

Well done @Nestingbirds 💐

Sad, but one of life’s lessons is not to judge people by your own standards.

Just because you wouldn’t ever dream of doing what she did, doesn’t mean that other people wouldn’t.

The only loyalty and integrity she had was to herself, and look where it got her. It was just a question of time.

Sandtheedges · 28/10/2025 17:58

AliceMaforethought · 28/10/2025 17:20

Someone being able to afford a cleaner.

Show quote history

Oh come on - I’d imagine most MN’s have a cleaner!

Hiver · 28/10/2025 18:00

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

AliceMaforethought · 28/10/2025 18:00

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Cut it out. @MNHQ why haven't you banned this person!?

AliceMaforethought · 28/10/2025 18:01

Sandtheedges · 28/10/2025 17:58

Oh come on - I’d imagine most MN’s have a cleaner!

Show quote history

Not by the way most go on, saying stupid things like 'clean your own house'.

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