Cleaner invited friends over AIBU

[Nestingbirds]

We have an arrangement with our cleaner that she takes care of our animals when we are away for a few days. She usually stays in the annexe but this time stayed in our house due to refurbishment.

We had an agreement when this started that we would prefer she didn’t have visitors apart from her long term boyfriend. He is away atm. She was totally on board, and said she would feel the same if it was her house.

We pay her really really well, and leave her lots of treats including fresh flowers. She told me she likes the time she has to herself, and all is well.

Only our neighbour texted me to say there are people coming and going from our house and sent me her ring doorbell footage. Not only is she having friends over, she isn’t actually spending time with the animals or cleaning (we pay her separately for both) as the rest of the time she has been out. We never leave our dog all day. Whilst we obviously don’t mind her going out, and want her to be happy, I just feel taken for a ride as she is clearly not there doing either.

I have messaged her to see how she is, hoping she would be honest about her friend coming over and staying for hours in our house, but she has continued to lie to me.

I feel like I can’t trust her now. Wwyd?

Oh no! So the dog could possibly have been left on previous occasions, and not been heard as it was in the annexe..

But you don’t want your dog being left! It is a mountain out of a molehill and does she need to be cleaning every moment you are away?

I really feel for you OP. It's bad enough when anyone lets you down and betrays your trust, but it's worst when it's your home and your pets.
You didn't do anything wrong, you keep on being you and seeing the best in people and trusting them. Keep being the generous decent people you are. It's better to be that, and be let down sometimes, than become cynical and grabby like them. Hope you enjoy your family treat at the weekend. She's unlikely to get an employer like you again.

I gave up after mediocre agency cleaners and the indie ones with good recommendations never having availability

Yes it’s possible, due to its position I doubt anyone could hear her.

How do you know the cat didn't go out? Obviously it's a shit situation but you keep adding extra to the story

If a friend had such a serious crisis that couldn’t wait my cleaner had the option:

To meet her at home for a few hours (not all day)

Contact me and check if the friend could come over (I would never say no in a true emergency)

Ask if we could come home or source alternative help

Or meet in a coffee shop for a few hours (not all day)

There was no crisis or emergency though.

My cat prefers to toilet outside, so the fact she had used her litter tray so much (she really doesn’t love it) indicates to me that she hasn’t been out at all since we left. She doesn’t really use her tray at all if she is let outside for much of the day. It’s not the end of the world, but not ideal.

How many years has she been working for you op? How many times have you left her whilst on holiday?

Yes you really should just in case. They cam just keep an eye on her.

4/5 years and looking after our pets for nearly 2 years now. I guess maybe 5 times in total inc weekends away. We knew her really well, and totally trusted her when she offered to take over the pet sitting.

She had been a bit unkind about our old dog sitting lady, she would report back after cleaning our house that the dog sitter had been sleeping in, or hadn’t opened the annexe curtains etc or she hadn’t seen the dog sitter all day. They didn’t get on at all, my dog sitter actively avoided her I think.

How did the animals seem when you returned this time?

Needy

And same on previous holidays over last two years?

Been following along and just want to say I’m sorry this happened OP, it seems like such a personal betrayal. You’re beating yourself but I don’t think you should feel bad about being trusting and open hearted, you sound lovely. The fault entirely lies with someone who would behave like this!
Hope you manage to find someone else who is trustworthy

I'm sorry, OP.

I was probably too kind/blurred boundaries with the carer/cleaners (dual role - worked for a care company) hired to help with my parents. I have a working class background and my mum and aunties were all in service in the 1930s/40s, so felt a need to be kind to folk who did that job.

One of my cousins was in a similar position.

Result? We were each let down by one cleaner.

In my case, I trusted the woman concerned because my dad was so happy with the personal care she was giving Mum, plus I'd taught her sibling and had been to school with her uncles and aunts.

Mum had dementia and had tried to tell me that something was wrong, but I thought that Mum had it wrong. What a fool I was.

Abbreviated version: Mum's plain gold and silver jewellery gradually disappeared. I didn't realise until the time Mum was in respite and I left the key in the key box...Got back from a break and my granny's wedding ring was gone plus a piece of a gold chain was lying out of a drawer. I reckon I must have gone in one door as she was going out the back.

Money had also gone from Mum's purse.

Another carer/cleaner alerted me to the fact that the culprit was being taken to court for extracting money from another client - it was in the local paper - and that her brother now lived in the same street as my mum.

A real punch in the gut.

The firm manager persuaded me not to press charges by saying that Mum would have to be fingerprinted by the police (in order to exclude her prints) and I didn't want her to know that my granny's ring was gone. However, I told Mum's social worker and the culprit was removed from the carers' register after a hearing - the newspaper article about the other client was enough. (She'd claimed to need money to pay for a family funeral and had taken all his cash.)

Because the op sounds very involved. Numerous mentions of leaving her fresh flowers, buying her ‘gloves in her favourite colour’ and birthday and Christmas presents. Saying it ‘feels like she’s lost an old friend’ and ‘she knows us better than our close friends’. It’s all just very odd.

And she keeps going on about her salary as if it was a favour she was paid, like ‘she has a dent in her mortgage due to us’ and describing the shopping bags as ‘spending our money’ and ‘treating my whole family to something lovely with her salary this weekend.’ I mean wtf did she pay the cleaner…..going rate is like £15-20 an hour. And we’ve established she paid her below minimum wage for the house sitting. I doubt anyone is getting rich on that.

As I say, very odd. I’m not sure many people who’ve had cleaners and the occasional dog sitter can say they feel this enmeshed

You are so very clearly the same goady poster from earlier in the thread.

£25 an hour

Ah I stand corrected. She must be rolling in it then. £25 an hour for a few hours a week….surprised she still has a mortgage with all those riches

How often was she actually cleaning at your house op to be able to exert such influence over tradespeople and pretend to be you?

That is horrendous. I am not surprised you must have felt so violated. Absolutely awful to take such advantage of a vulnerable person/couple. Especially when it’s your parents. I am so sorry that happened to you and your family 💐

Thank you for so much support, dh and I have read every reply, and appreciated every post.

I can’t think of leaving the pets again for a good long while, so we are just researching dog friendly hotels u. Europe. It has cheered us up a little!

@Sandtheedges what exactly is your beef? You really seem to have it in for OP.

Do you really think the cleaner only has one client?😂😂

@Sandtheedges you think the op sounds very involved? I think you sound very unpleasant. Why the nasty posts?