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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Should I just try to escape? Visiting friend abroad.

152 replies

Fiflaboeuf · 26/10/2025 09:53

I am currently on a long weekend to visit an old friend I haven’t seen in 13 years. It’s a Scandinavian country, far away from towns and I am from / living in UK. Things were going well - her partner is a bit of a monologuer but we had a fun time yesterday in the daytime. For context this is a friend I had in our 20s - she was in a straight relationship back in the day (we had a friendship group and they were the couple ‘hub’ iyswim) but is now married to a woman.
In the evening the schnapps was flowing and they got really drunk. Talking about gender (never easy!) her partner snaps and says ‘a couple of straight women talking about gender issues!’ In a sort of dismissive way - my friend got really upset about this.
But then her partner snaps back about an affair my friend had with a man while said partner was in hospital for months on end. My friend is like ‘don’t spoil it please!’ I am just trying to keep the peace - and failing - and suggesting we go to bed. Queue hours of arguments and shouting and crying. All to the backdrop of breaking down about world events (friends partner is obsessed).
Somehow everything is suddenly fine and we all hug and go to bed.
Friend’s partner then shows up next to my bed and starts singing a really long spontaneously created song… like on my face and at me, and about me.
I feel like they have lost the plot here in the middle of nowhere - it’s all rather ‘who’s afraid of Virginia wolf’. Almost funny but wtf.
I am seriously tempted to just get a hotel room at the airport - but they are so remote I would have to ask my friend to drive me to the nearest station…
I have had like 4 hrs sleep - the house stinks of cigarettes as they have been chain smoking. I just miss my family.
An I being dramatic? Will I make everything worse again?
We are meant to all be working on a creative thing today and I just can’t imagine it going well.

OP posts:
MarxistMags · 26/10/2025 16:17

Now we know you are safe and organised with a plan.....
I can confess I was laughing too, especially at the song and, icing on top, the guitar😂

TheMadGardener · 26/10/2025 16:28

Sounds like you are OK today. I was going to suggest pretending you'd had a phone call about a family emergency which required you to go home immediately!

This thread reminded me of a time many years ago (I was early 20s) when my DH (then boyfriend) and I went to stay in a very rural area of Burgundy with some friends of his parents (French, older, hadn't actually seen his parents in years) who'd offered to put us up for a free holiday. They were VERY weird! He kept mannequins dressed in various costumes in the loft and was eager to show them to us. He also had a shed in the garden full of telescopes and computers. (I know, not all amateur astronomers are weird, but he was!) Their daughter was estranged from them and the wife spent almost every evening during dinner ringing the daughter and sobbing down the phone at her to please come home. It was very uncomfortable. My French wasn't fluent but DH was able to translate all the phone pleading to me afterwards. Luckily I had DH with me as protection from the madness! We went for a lot of healthy country walks to escape.

Ihatetomatoes · 26/10/2025 16:30

Fiflaboeuf · 26/10/2025 10:03

It’s so rural I don’t think uber is a thing but I will check it out. Maybe if I catch my friend alone I can ask her to drive me - as long as she isn’t still over the limit. It’s a 2 hr walk… 7 miles to the station

A 7 mile drive isn't too much to ask. Just give her some petrol money and get out of there. So much drama. The relationship/affair/shouting/neediness/etc sounds toxic.

JoemarIerseyes · 26/10/2025 17:16

@Fiflaboeuf Surely you go home tomorrow anyway?

ZebraSSS · 26/10/2025 18:04

Don’t walk 7 miles in rural Scandinavia on your own! The weather could change, you could get lost, or worse.

Hopefully you can leave as soon as possible.

You wouldn’t be the first person to find their friend is unstable at best, after spending a holiday with them!!

🤞

Vitriolinsanity · 26/10/2025 18:16

Fiflaboeuf · 26/10/2025 15:46

The song is making me laugh a bit now in retrospect. I was firmly wrapped in blankets, eyes closed and she did indeed ‘spawn’ as a poster suggested with guitar in hand. At first I was polite and like ‘aww thanks’ and then I shut my eyes feigning sleep - every time I thought she was done, a new refrain! Friend eventually shooed her away and they argued again ‘I am singing to Fiflaboeuf!!’ Etc until the arguing just went upstairs…

The singing was bad enough, but a guitar. Fuck me, you’re a better woman than I. Only Scandi noir fear would’ve stopped me punching them in the neck.

ShesNeverSeenAShadeOfGray · 26/10/2025 18:34

Call an Uber and get out of there

Muffinmam · 26/10/2025 18:54

I would walk as far as I could until I could get an uber. I wouldn’t even say goodbye.

Lilactimes · 26/10/2025 19:14

Cracking … you will dine out on this for years once you’re home! X

Dillydollydingdong · 26/10/2025 19:19

Sounds dreadful. They're nutjobs. Get out of there and never go back.

Contrarymary30 · 26/10/2025 19:34

They sound totally mad to me , I'd be scared I was going to he murdered or 😳kept hostage in the basement . Is a taxi an option ? If not I'd get someone to text from home saying there was a family emergency and I need to get home .

friedaddedchilli · 26/10/2025 19:34

Oh my god, welcome to lesbian drama land. Completely normal.

Tuesdayschild50 · 26/10/2025 19:47

Tell them how uncomfortable you felt and your going to go home .
Why would you want friends like this .

Chinsupmeloves · 26/10/2025 19:48

It's only a short time longer, avoid the schnapps! Put it down to an eventful experience, all of these things enrich our lives when we look back in wonder lol 😆

TemuTrinny · 26/10/2025 19:53

Really feel for you, your discomfort is palpable but also thank you for the laugh. The song 😂

Chinsupmeloves · 26/10/2025 20:02

Lilactimes · 26/10/2025 19:14

Cracking … you will dine out on this for years once you’re home! X

Totally agree, experiences like this are what make life interesting lol 😆 Hilarious 😂 Can't understand those saying to run, so unadventurous! Xxx

Tigergirl80 · 26/10/2025 20:26

That woman is crazy I would want to leave but I wouldn’t want to leave my friend with her. It’s no wonder she had an affair with. Sounds like she doesn’t like having another female in the house.

MySweetGeorgina · 26/10/2025 20:31

I want to know more about the song 😁

GarlicHound · 27/10/2025 00:18

🎵🎶
Friend's Mad Girlfriend, you're insane
Not in a fun way, I mean you're a pain.
Your rural hideaway is charming
But with you in the picture it looks alarming.
The weekend's been special, quite unique:
Fresh air, schnapps, and a crazed control freak.
Your late-night ballad was endearing:
No, scrub that, it was domineering.
Rude, intrusive and annoying.
Living with you must be soul-destroying.
So cheers for the Scandi hospitality,
But I can say with some finality
I won't be coming back - unless
My friend sends out an SOS.
🎶🎵

You'll all be relieved to hear I don't write music. Or play guitar.

Princessconsuelabananahammock9 · 27/10/2025 02:54

friedaddedchilli · 26/10/2025 19:34

Oh my god, welcome to lesbian drama land. Completely normal.

tv land GIF by YoungerTV

lol So so true.

ChocolateCinderToffee · 27/10/2025 05:01

Jeez, the smoking alone would have made me leave.

DonewhatIcando · 27/10/2025 06:18

@Fiflaboeuf
I've just read this and need an update.
I've sort of laughed, a nervous laugh, putting myself in your position.
What a weekend you've had.
The singing though, thats so weird, I'd have freaked out.
Hope you're ok

Fiflaboeuf · 27/10/2025 08:04

Good morning all - I leave this morning! sorry not to have had much chance to reply to people properly but I have really appreciated the concern, thoughts and laughs!

Last night was fine - the partner lurked upstairs most of the time but did emerge to watch Bridesmaids and try and get my friend to drive to the shop for crisps.

The posts on lesbian drama made me chuckle a bit - maybe that’s true and this is all relatively normal. My friend has been there for me in some dramatic situations in our twenties too even when we were both ostensibly straight.

I also really wish I had recorded the song in retrospect though in the early hours in the smoke filled house with all the drama it was a strange form of torture 😅

I do have some feeling in my bones about the partner though - like the song was rounded off with a heavy pat on my face (drunken clumsiness?), she talked a lot about herself, my friend seems to do 100% of the cooking, driving, adulting. Earlier in the day we had ended up buying a large musical instrument which she had made us all carry into the house, just pre argument, despite us saying it could be done in the morning. Partner is the dominant one - and it sort of reflects her previous straight relationship. In that one the man was physically abusive to her several times (it has caused friendship drama because I have cut him off and none of the others know why) - and even friend was like ‘do you still see ex’ and was shocked and saddened when I was like ‘he hurt you several times and I didn’t want to be around a man like that any more’ - she just said ‘I am a difficult person to be with’….and didn’t really react when I said it was never ok to hit, punch and bite someone as he did.

I think I had this fantasy that she had this fantastic new life and to some degree she still has someone dominating her.

So I do have a feeling of wtf tinged with sadness. And I am worried about her.

Anyway hopefully we can have some coffee and I can be on my way. And I will try and stay in better touch with her.

OP posts:
YumYa · 27/10/2025 08:58

ChocolateCinderToffee · 27/10/2025 05:01

Jeez, the smoking alone would have made me leave.

Me too. They should smoke outside if you have non smokers there. Gross.

Ballsygal · 27/10/2025 10:53

Absolutely hilarious!! I’d get the popcorn in and live tweet it!