If you have a SEN child, would you be comfortable with this?

[Beetrootisthesecretingredient]

Context: DS7 is autistic. Verbal but with lots of sensory issues and is very rigid.
Yesterday we went cycling along the canal tow path, one of our usual Saturday activities. Its usually quiet and we have a nice time cycling to a certain bridge and back. DS is very noise sensitive. Yesterday there was a series of unfortunate events (in our world): someone using a chain saw, a baby cried and then a loud car backfired, all within 2 mins of each other. DS leaps off bike screams and cries and lies on the tow path. Meltdown.
This happened on a very narrow bit of towpath. At this exact same time 4 older male cyclists in all the lycra wanted to overtake us. DP went to DS to sooth/move out of way. Cyclists have now stopped and said loudly 'FFS just move him out of the way'.
I replied 'it won't take a second he's upset'.
More grumbling and general unkindness from cyclists. DP then loudly called cyclist 'inconsiderate twat'.
DP now wants to get DS a high vis vest that says 'I am autistic please be patient ' but I feel uncomfortable about it.
Fwiw we have a sunflower lanyard but these cyclists either didn't know what it represents of didn't care and DP just doesn't want to get in that situation again.... which ended with all stressed and called people twats.

Yes perhaps there was a rule book issued about which public spaces it’s acceptable for autistic people to be in that many of us accidentally weren’t provided with, and all of these ableist posters could share it so we can keep out of their way and make ourselves scarce?

I’d dread to think that an autistic child might be allowed to go out and do healthy exercise and enjoy nature with their parents like any other child because - God forbid! - there is a small possibility that just once out of many, many hours of participating in such an activity they might become overwhelmed and have a meltdown and inconvenience an impatient MAMIL for 20 seconds! The problem is clearly the distressed child and not the foul-mouthed, rude and entitled adult.

Dreadful parenting @Beetrootisthesecretingredient . Throw your son in your cellar, lock the door and be done with it, like any upstanding member of society would do.

I don't need to re-read anything to remember that OP's child lay on the floor, her DH attempted to "sooth" him and she excused the whole drama by saying he was upset and it wouldn't take long (doesn't really follow, but whatever...) when someone said to just move him out of that way.

Asserting that there's a reason why you shouldn't have to do what's usually expected, or won't yet because there's something you think should be universally more important, is going to get people's backs up when it's not a true emergency. It's daring them to have a problem and apparently come across as insensitive when it's not required of them to put someone else's family first and pander to behaviour that's not normal. Autism might explain why he lay on the floor, but not why he wasn't told or made to do otherwise in a public, shared space.

Do you really need to be ‘guilted’ into acting reasonably? The parents aren’t the entitled ones in this scenario.

You really don’t have a clue.

You’ve been told several times now already but still clearly haven’t gone back and read the OP’s posts: she has specifically stated that they took 20 seconds to move him out of the way.

Apparently these foul-mouthed people couldn’t wait for that long without swearing in front of an already-distressed child and trying to intimidate his parents who were in the process of moving him, very quickly. But not quick enough for these entitled pricks who seemed to think they owned the pathway, clearly. Presumably they react in the same way to elderly walkers, mothers with buggies, people in wheelchairs or even just slower cyclists: anybody that they consider to be an “obstruction” because they might cause them a few seconds of delay. Either that, or they were just being rude and aggressive specifically because this child was having an autistic meltdown and share the view that autistic people should not be allowed out in public spaces just in case they cause someone else a few seconds of inconvenience once in a blue moon.

Either way, these cyclists showed themselves to be deeply unpleasant people who should probably be keeping away from all public spaces until they get a grip and - ironically - learn to be more mature than a 7 year old and that the world doesn’t revolve around them.

I was responding to Lucy5678’s comment.

But this must be quite a busy/noisy area for them to have encountered a car, a chainsaw and a baby crying within 2 minutes so, with the OP’s child’s level of sensitivity to sound the potential for triggering a meltdown here would seem quite high, and beside a canal would strike me as a dangerous place to be trying to calm a child in meltdown, regardless of other passers by.

OP has specifically stated that they’ve been there many times with no issues. Clearly she wouldn’t be taking him there if it was dangerous. The worst thing that has occurred - due to unexpected and loud noises in short succession which clearly isn’t the norm or they wouldn’t go there - is that some MAMILs had their bike ride delayed by 20 seconds. Boo hoo.

It is shameful that anybody has defended these entitled, horrible people for swearing at the parents of a distressed child because they had to pause their precious bike ride for 1/3 of a minute.

Nothing is risk free. If autistic people are to be prohibited from going anywhere that could potentially caused a meltdown, then are you also going to advocate prohibiting pregnant women travelling anywhere more than 20 minutes from a hospital, hyper-mobile people being allowed to take part in any sport, obese people from being allowed to exercise because of the increased risk of heart attacks, asthmatic people from being allowed to walk up hills, diabetics should be banned from eating certain types of food as well, surely? People allergic to wasp stings shouldn’t be allowed outside at all in summer?

These nonsense attempts to try to justify the growing spitefulness and discrimination directed specifically at autistic people are vile. It has been encouraged by politicians in the US, by the disgraceful Kemi Badenoch (who will jump on any bandwagon going, no matter how ignorant about it she is) and Nigel Farage and others targeting their supremely ignorant rhetoric against autistic children, and is reflected in wider society by more and more people with disgusting and ignorant prejudices feeling emboldened to air them publicly.

Having a go at autistic people is not a hobby. Find something else to do with your time.

People are absolutely right to call posters here out on such behaviour because they should be thoroughly ashamed of themselves.

OP very clearly said that it isn't a busy/noisy area and it was just very unfortunate that it happened to be that day.

I've a friend who lives on a narrow boat. She's perfectly entitled to stand around on the tow path next to her boat. It's not a dedicated cycle path or walkway. It's not an appropriate place for a flat out timed cycle.

And where did I say it was??

For the record, I wasn’t defending the rude cyclists OR “having a go at autistic people”. I was responding to the posts I quoted. Your lengthy and aggressive response to me is completely OTT

Also, I agree nothing is risk free. And in all of the examples you gave, there ARE activities etc that are unsuitable for people with those conditions/in those circumstances. Children with severe sound sensitivities ARE limited because of this sensitivity, life is unfair like that sometimes.

The point - that’s been made many times now - is that there are a number of reasons why many people might be stationary or almost-stationary on a towpath: being elderly, mooring a boat, setting up fishing equipment, pushing a buggy or pram, being in a wheelchair, being injured due to hurting themselves when running or cycling, or indeed blocking the path for 20 seconds while their parents move them because they are 7 years old and having an unexpected autistic meltdown etc. Or simply stopping on the path because they feel like it and looking around at the scenery, if they feel like it.

It is, therefore, completely unreasonable for cyclists to expect to be able to cycle along a towpath at fast speeds or complain of the presence of other people who might be moving more slowly or not at all, which will mean the cyclistts need to cycle far more slowly and carefully than they otherwise might choose to do if they are to use the path safely, and that they should expect to have to stop/ slow down significantly, repeatedly, or even to have to stop and wait to pass others because it’s a public space which many other people use in different ways, entirely legitimately.

These other people have just as much right to be there as the cyclists. If the cyclists don’t like it they can go and cycle in dedicated cycle lanes rather than abusing and swearing at other people legitimately using public spaces.

If you are laying down then you are not a bloody pedestrian. Pedestrian has to be walking - err pedi=feet. .

Not a clue why you are rambling on at me for saying someone laying down in not a pedestrian

What is a pedestrian tripped over?

And in all of the examples you gave, there ARE activities etc that are unsuitable for people with those conditions/in those circumstances.

What? The examples I gave were clearly absurd, to demonstrate the extreme absurdity of your stated position and the inevitable logical conclusions you’d have to reach if you find this autistic child’s presence in public so objectionable and are being logically consistent (rather than just being nasty because the issue happens to be autism). And your response is to say that you genuinely believe the absurd examples I gave or what you’d also have to believe in order to be logically consistent are actually - in your opinion - the case too?:

No pregnant woman should ever be more than 20 mins from a hospital? Many live further from a hospital than that.

Nobody with an allergy to wasp stings should go outside at all in summer?

Obese people shouldn’t exercise in case they have a heart attack?

Asthmatics should not be allowed to walk up hills?

Diabetic people should be prohibited by law from eating certain foods?

How utterly ridiculous. Clearly there’s no point in attempting to have a rational discussion with somebody who has your perspective on the world.

Of COURSE children with sensory sensitivities are limited in what they can do. They and their families have to deal with these limitations every day. The OP takes her child to this place because usually it is NOT overwhelming for him, presumably because it is outside so loud noise is not usually so concentrated/ frequent.

Unfortunately, on this one occasion there was a lot of loud and unexpected noise in a short space of time. There is always a risk of that because life is unpredictable and public spaces are shared with others. When this occurred, the parents dealt with this entirely appropriately and moved him out of the way of others in 20 seconds.

What’s your alternative solution, lock him inside the house and tell him he’s never allowed to ride his bike on public footpaths or go out in nature and exercise with his family because - God forbid - he might inconvenience a MAMIL’s bike ride and delay them for 20 seconds on a rare occasion that things go wrong?

Or is a wheelchair user?

I think if people are going to be rude and impatient a high vis best won't stop them.

life is unfair like that sometimes.

Waiting a few seconds for a disabled child or adult who is struggling as they make room on the path is pretty minor unfairness compared to what that disabled child or adult has to endure.

Absolutely.

The cognitive dissonance of posters trying to lecture anybody autistic about how “life is unfair sometimes” is unreal.

The validity of the academic research showing the in fact autistic people have more empathy than neurotypical people on average has been demonstrated extremely clearly by many of the unpleasant - and in some cases slightly unhinged - comments on this thread.

@Beetrootisthesecretingredient give your boy a big, big bedtime hug tonight. Tell him that he did nothing wrong. As a “helpful” PP pointed out and sadly he will already know all too well, life is hard and unfair sometimes. He is very brave to try his best to try to manage and still have a go at things and should continue to do so, and you will always protect him just as you did in this instance.

And, I hope, some of the people who have posted absolutely disgusting things here will reflect on their behaviour and feel ashamed if they actually think about the impact on a vulnerable 7 year old of the behaviour for which they they have been advocating, his parents being verbally abused by random strangers simply for comforting him for 20 seconds when in distress.

I wish these people luck in their marble hunt.

OP - you did nothing wrong. And no, don’t ever put a vest saying “I’m autistic” on your child. You can see from this thread that this would make him even more of a target for abusive behaviour, not less.

I was reading on here about people having medical incidents in supermarkets the other day and first aiders complaining how people were stepping over someone receiving medical treatment or CPR to get to condiments. You sound like you'd be one of those people.

I have been there, it’s a combination of annoying, embarrassing and inconvenient when my dc went into complete meltdown. I must admit I was still scooping her up screaming and kicking up to 12 or so (very light on account of eating issues) partly because it isn’t other people’s problem that she has autism and I felt we shouldn’t be inconveniencing people especially on paths, roads etc

It’s reminiscent of those evangelical Christians who looked a “Borat” in disgust and stepped over him like discarded dog excrement when they found him sleeping on their church steps on a Sunday morning.

It’s always those who bleat on the most about having respect for other people who have none whatsoever.

I have a child with ASD (now 10) who is also verbal but was exceptionally rigid at your DS’s age. However despite the autism, I absolutely would’ve been addressing the situation and for his safety (which I’m sure everyone will agree comes before inclusion & compassion) I would’ve found a way to move him out of people’s way. As a PP said, a towpath is an incredibly dangerous place for kids to ride a bike to begin with, never mind have a meltdown (which yes, I get is not something you have control over). Not only safety but I would also have done this for his own dignity also.

I know what people are going to say, have you ever tried moving a DC that age, especially mid-meltdown?! Well, yes I’m very practiced in it, unfortunately.

So yeah I’m half with the cyclists on their annoyance at your lack of action but they do sound like they were OTT rude! Twats you might say.

THIS!!!!! x1000!!!!

He was lying on the path. How much more dangerous does it get!

Why is lying on a path particularly dangerous?