If you have a SEN child, would you be comfortable with this?

[Beetrootisthesecretingredient]

Context: DS7 is autistic. Verbal but with lots of sensory issues and is very rigid.
Yesterday we went cycling along the canal tow path, one of our usual Saturday activities. Its usually quiet and we have a nice time cycling to a certain bridge and back. DS is very noise sensitive. Yesterday there was a series of unfortunate events (in our world): someone using a chain saw, a baby cried and then a loud car backfired, all within 2 mins of each other. DS leaps off bike screams and cries and lies on the tow path. Meltdown.
This happened on a very narrow bit of towpath. At this exact same time 4 older male cyclists in all the lycra wanted to overtake us. DP went to DS to sooth/move out of way. Cyclists have now stopped and said loudly 'FFS just move him out of the way'.
I replied 'it won't take a second he's upset'.
More grumbling and general unkindness from cyclists. DP then loudly called cyclist 'inconsiderate twat'.
DP now wants to get DS a high vis vest that says 'I am autistic please be patient ' but I feel uncomfortable about it.
Fwiw we have a sunflower lanyard but these cyclists either didn't know what it represents of didn't care and DP just doesn't want to get in that situation again.... which ended with all stressed and called people twats.

A tow path isn't a cycle path just because people cycle on it

Even if the cyclists was ND he wasn't the one in crisis at that point was he???🙄

Drivers have to be ready to stop at something unexpected in their way, and it is not generally considered acceptable for them to shout at other people who need to use the road
Don't be silly! If you are on a 40 speed limit, and a car decides to stop unexpectedly and suddenly blocking any traffic from going through, do you really think that an accident can be avoided every time? How stupid would you be to stop your car like that because your child is having a meltdown in the backseat! Such stupid action would put everyone at high risk of injury.

Wearing a high vest won’t change how much a twat those cyclists were. I fear it would make your son feel more alienated. Suggest to your husband to instead have some prepared patter for these sorts of situations - nice and subtle ways of telling people to stop being bell ends (the kind that hits 10 minutes after the event..)

Fuck me, you are serious
Yes very serious! What if it was the other way around? Your SEN kid is ahead, cycling a normal speed, and the lycra men have decided to stop across the way for a chat and the kid has no way to stop or pass them, falls and break his harm. Should they call the kid a twat!

Don't get on a bike if you can't grasp basic safety! That's why in many countries they offer cycling lessons in schools.

I knew we would have the mumsnet trumping nonsense ,I would assume the Op knows her child and that her child is usually perfectly able on a bike ,they have as much right to go out cycling as any family but because of autism occasionally situations arise that might just require a little compassion from others.

Christ it gets worse.

This thread is a reminder of how many people are in the privileged position of never having needed to try and physically move an autistic 7 year old mid- meltdown.

On the off chance that you are, it’s a shared path which means you need to be aware that a range of people will be using it and sometimes certain people need more consideration than others
OMG, I now get why accident happens with that level of cluelessness. Shared means ALL have to act with consideration for others. The kid stopped, fine. Lay on the ground, massively dangerous, but then his dad couldn't even think of quickly removing him from the path to avoid a potential accident? It could have been a young child just learning to ride coming up who is still practicing breaking on time. Why oh why would you stay and lock the path.

OP's husband was just irresponsible and the other cyclists were right to point it out.

I knew we would have the mumsnet trumping nonsense ,I would assume the Op knows her child and that her child is usually perfectly able on a bike
They are not if the child think lying on the ground in a narrow cycle path is ok.

Its clear that posters here have never got on a bike or not for some time. I would suggest from your answers to keep it this way. So many cycling accidents because of clueless people who can't comprehend that you are both a potential danger to others and very vulnerable yourself when on a bike.

• cyclists won’t be going 40
• Child is not in a vehicle
• a tow path isn’t a road
• you have either no grasp of the issue at hand which you keep demonstrating as such with your inapplicable scenarios (which is quite funny until you realise you probably represent a lot of the population with your uninformed response) or you have no empathy for the extent and array of disability autism can cause

kindly please stop derailing the thread

@vivainsomniadid you just call an autistic child whose sensory system cannot process the world effectively selfish?

cyclists won’t be going 40
Ok not 40, but they could be going 20....because it's not unlawful to do so unless there is a speed limit indicated.

Child is not in a vehicle
Exactly, even less protection, even more at risk of severe harm!

a tow path isn’t a road
How clever of you to state so! It is still a path with moving vehicles that can kill!

you have either no grasp of the issue at hand which you keep demonstrating as such with your inapplicable scenarios (which is quite funny until you realise you probably represent a lot of the population with your uninformed response) or you have no empathy for the extent and array of disability autism can cause
You're the one who is clearly failing to recognise the danger that this father created by not thinking that moving his child and the bike should have been a priority when blocking a path with moving vehicles.

I'll ask again. If instead of lycra cyclists (who Mumsnet love to bitch about), it had been a 7 years old panicking and struggling to stop on time, ending up crashing in the dad and kid, injuring them all, would he be accused of being in the wrong and defending the dad for comforting his child?

No I wouldn’t put a vest on my child announcing his disability. I strongly suspect it would invite unhelpful comments and stares plus to me the their right to privacy overweighs the benefit of people knowing in the circumstances you describe. My child has occasionally used a sunflower lanyard or wristband for a limited period in circumstances where it’s directly helpful - it enabled us to access a number of special access arrangements on a recent holiday for example. But I wouldn’t make a general broadcast of his personal information to the general public “just in case”.

I think you also have to realise that there’s people out there would get cross you were blocking the path for any reason - I’ve seen people swear at paramedics blocking a road because they’re treating someone with a broken pelvis. If you genuinely can’t move your son out of the way then you just have to stay calm and try to ignore them.

did you just call an autistic child whose sensory system cannot process the world effectively selfish?
Good try....no, it's obvious in this scenario that it's the father who is an idiot. It's his responsibility to protect his kids. His priority should have been to pick up his child, move out of the way and then comfort him!

If you genuinely can’t move your son out of the way then you just have to stay calm and try to ignore them
The child is 7, I'm sure it couldn't have been that hard to move him 1 metre away!

I'd just pick my kid up and move him then comfort him. I'd not expect other people to stop and wait while I tried to head off a meltdown. They have places to be and my child is my priority, not theirs.

I speak from experience, lifting a deadweight seven year old, or one that’s thrashing and trying to attack you for touching them, is sometimes “that hard” and it takes a moment. Especially when sometimes you’re just grateful they’re lying on the ground and not attempting to jump into the canal.

Obviously no sane parent is just letting the child stay there, but the presence of multiple aggressive men having a go is not going to improve matters.

Have you ever tried. To move a child with autism in full meltdown?

I'd expect anyone to be sympathetic to any 7 year old led on the path regardless of disability so I'm not sure what difference a vest would have made in this situation. They were twats and still would've been that's if he had a vest on.

The point of a towpath or any other kind of path is that people use it to get from A to B, whether on cycles or not. If your child is blocking it, you need to move the child out of the path.

The Canal Towpath Code states that cyclists must slow down for others, I would've thought that was doubly important on narrow sections where you could encounter walkers and those moving more slowly than a cyclist

The Towpath Code

Remember: Share the Space, Drop your Pace, It's a Special Place
Please be thoughtful and considerate when using towpaths.
The following applies:

• Pedestrians have priority
• Cyclists must slow down for others
• Take extra care when passing people, pets and wildlife
• Respect people using the waterway for activities like angling, boating or paddle sports
• Wheelchairs, mobility aids, cycles and legal e-bikes are allowed
• E-scooters, motorbikes, modified e-bikes and other unauthorised vehicles are not allowed
• Keep dogs under close control and clean up after them
• Take litter home

I probably wouldn't get my child a vest, partly because I don't think it would make any difference in general to people like the cyclists. Cyclists on canal towpaths are the worst though, I had one shouting 'ffs' at me on a crowded towpath with lots of pedestrians, when I ducked the wrong way to avoid him and he had to swerve round me.

I think you’ve just hit on sn idea for high vis vests with a sunflower on them

I think the vest is a good idea. Yes there will be assholes but in a group of 4 the chances are if one kicks off another will interject and tell them off. Most people are respectful of SEN children once they understand. You can't eliminate asshole encounters but I think you can reduce it.