If you have a SEN child, would you be comfortable with this?

[Beetrootisthesecretingredient]

Context: DS7 is autistic. Verbal but with lots of sensory issues and is very rigid.
Yesterday we went cycling along the canal tow path, one of our usual Saturday activities. Its usually quiet and we have a nice time cycling to a certain bridge and back. DS is very noise sensitive. Yesterday there was a series of unfortunate events (in our world): someone using a chain saw, a baby cried and then a loud car backfired, all within 2 mins of each other. DS leaps off bike screams and cries and lies on the tow path. Meltdown.
This happened on a very narrow bit of towpath. At this exact same time 4 older male cyclists in all the lycra wanted to overtake us. DP went to DS to sooth/move out of way. Cyclists have now stopped and said loudly 'FFS just move him out of the way'.
I replied 'it won't take a second he's upset'.
More grumbling and general unkindness from cyclists. DP then loudly called cyclist 'inconsiderate twat'.
DP now wants to get DS a high vis vest that says 'I am autistic please be patient ' but I feel uncomfortable about it.
Fwiw we have a sunflower lanyard but these cyclists either didn't know what it represents of didn't care and DP just doesn't want to get in that situation again.... which ended with all stressed and called people twats.

Thanks for all the responses.
To answer a few points: the cyclists had to wait about 20 seconds altogether but started commenting after 0.8 seconds. He was just pissed off that he had to stop at all. At that point we were pedestrians as we'd gotnoff our bikes and the tow path policy is that pedestrians have priority.
We have done the same trip many times with no issues. He is usually perfectly capable of being safe on the towpath. He just had sensory overload on that occasion.

I won't put earloops on while cycling as he needs to hear others' bells etc and he wears a helmet but thanks. He would usually wear defender if noise got too much.
And We did move our child. Its just not as easy as it sounds when they are in crisis. Old men in lycra making nasty comments made it harder.

The high vis vest debate was the point of this thread really, I am in no doubt that DP correctly labelled them twats we just were thinking about the fact that they just saw a kid having a tantrum and were dismissive when it was more than that. But... I think the PPs are correct who said that if you don't have empathy for any child upset then the fact that a child has additional needs wouldn't make a difference so, no we won't be buying the vest.

What the cyclists would have seen (rightly or wrongly) was a seven year old having some sort of tantrum on a narrow canal path. I think you could have got him to one side sharpish. I’m not sure a big label would have helped in this situation.

Yes this. It was on you to pick him up and get out of the way instead of holding everyone up. Who knows how long you expected everyone to wait while you were trying to soothe him.
pick him up, move him to one side and deal with the situation.

Unfortunately, a high vis vest won't stop people being impatient twats and a lot of cyclists are impatient twats who expect you to leap out of their way as they come flying past at high speed with no warning.

If they applied the same rules about passing pedestrians on paths as car drivers are expected to use about passing cyclists on roads, it would save a lot of grief.

I bet they have no qualms about holding cars up when they're cycling on the roads though!

Perhaps not, but it could explain how he dealt with the situation he found himself in.

I don't think it's going to make any difference. In this situation it was probably best to move DS ASAP to make sure he didn't get hit by a bike. Cyclists can be so rude, but it's also dangerous for your son to be lying on a path where there are bikes

What would you have done if he was in the middle of the road?

All those sounds are normal sounds that you hear when out and about. Would noise cancelling head phones (with a speaker in) have helped?

I have sympathy with both sides - what your son did was dangerous to himself and to those cyclists coming along

Those suggesting the cyclists had every right to complain - I’d be interested to hear whether your opinion would be the same if a neurotypical child had for example fallen off the bike and sustained an injury, therefore leaving them upset and crying on the floor?

My SEN child is now in his 30s.

It's not about the vest. It's about your DP feeling protective and stressed and needing to avoid situations where he feels like he wants to punch someone in the face. I'm not saying your DP is the sort of person who will punch someone in the face, or who thinks that's acceptable, more that a high needs child can really pile the pressure on. Perhaps this is his way of saying that he needs some help to manage.

OP said that they were trying soothe/move him. The OP isn’t clear but I am assuming this whole thing took a minute or two, not half an hour.

In my experience it is much easier, safer and less likely to escalate if you can get the child to cooperate rather than have to forcibly move them.

In a situation where the child is in immediate danger or causing an immediate danger to someone else then needs must (if the child threw themselves into a busy road for example). But otherwise, trying to get the child to move themselves or cooperate with being moved is far preferable, even if that involves a minor inconvenience to others.

Whether your child is autistic or not, four adults also using the tow path are entitled to pass without being addressed as they were by your DH.

You absolutely should move a child who is preventing others from using something they can reasonably expect to. You're responsible for him.

I think the cyclists rather lost the moral high ground with “FFS just move him out of the way”.

At that point we were pedestrians as we'd got off our bikes and the tow path policy is that pedestrians have priority
Where on earth have you got that from??? I have lived near towpaths all my life, walking and cycling along them probably thousands of times. I have never seen any signage that declares that pedestrians have priority. And no, you weren’t pedestrians any more than the other cyclists were.

how is that comparable?

It’s totally comparable?

I have an autistic child. No doubt, the men were idiots here and could have been more patient. That said, if my child was lying on a road or path with vehicles on it, my priority would have been to move him, even if that meant picking him up.

I wouldn't get your son the vest your DH has described but I would start considering whether he might need one saying something like "Disabled Cyclist" as he gets older. He's probably on the cusp of having expectations increasing of his awareness of others and ability to conduct himself when cycling with others. Having something that lets others know to give him more space as he might eg cycle erratically, or react strongly to stimulae. Or would a tandem bike be a solution?

Maybe they were but they were not the ones in crisis,were they ,?And and as you should well know if you have met one autistic person you have met one autistic person ,just because your autistic child behaves in a certain way doesn't mean others will.

In this scenario the cyclists must have seem the child get off his bike and throw himself on the ground as the OP said they complained immediately. In your scenario the cyclists would have seen another cyclist fall off their bike by crashing into or riding over something causing the fall. So no, they’re not comparable.

pedestrians always have priority on shared use paths including towpaths.

I would have just moved the child

I think it would be a good idea for the whole family to wear hi vis vests with reflective strips while cycling. No need for any wordage on the vests, or to single out one person in your family. The hi vis would mean approaching parties would see you stopped from a greater distance and have more time to brake safely. People often react angrily when they don't feel safe/ ate stressed. In future if two loud noises/ shocks happen in close proximity you could consider stopping abd getting off the bikes in a wide part of the path to make sure everyone feels calm and regulated enough to proceed, but I can fully understand if at age 7 you don't know all the meltdown triggers yet.

The fact cyclists don’t seem to understand autistic meltdowns doesn’t make the situation incomparable, or mean OP owes the cyclists anything different than if they were dealing with a grazed knee.

I don’t know how you manage it, but it will need managing as those noises are very ordinary noises that he will come across every single day of his life. Will he adapt or is that unlikely if he is like this at 7?

People who can’t be considerate and patient of other users on a shared road or path, & modify their speed and distance accordingly, are unfit to use it
It's nothing to do with h consideration but safety. Why do some people always have to be about SEN? A 3 years old having a tantrum and lying in a barrow path blocking people passing through is dangerous, end of. Yes, you should be able to slow down and stop, but the reality is that even if you are responsible, you can't always avoid hitting someone lying on the ground, not easy seen, where there is no way to avoid them.

Funny how nobody is answering the question how they would react if I stead of lycra men, it was another 7 years old that was learning to cycle? An older lady struggling to pass him, a person with poor sight. EVERYONE has a responsibility and leaving your kid blocking a path and expecting everyone to avoid hitting him because you can't be bothered to try to move your kids even on the side of road is being very irresponsible. Just at it would be if it was an elderly dog that decided it didn't want to move any longer.

I bet the replies would be very different in this instance. If you can't prevent anyone or anything to put them or others in danger, you're the problem.