If you have a SEN child, would you be comfortable with this?

[Beetrootisthesecretingredient]

Context: DS7 is autistic. Verbal but with lots of sensory issues and is very rigid.
Yesterday we went cycling along the canal tow path, one of our usual Saturday activities. Its usually quiet and we have a nice time cycling to a certain bridge and back. DS is very noise sensitive. Yesterday there was a series of unfortunate events (in our world): someone using a chain saw, a baby cried and then a loud car backfired, all within 2 mins of each other. DS leaps off bike screams and cries and lies on the tow path. Meltdown.
This happened on a very narrow bit of towpath. At this exact same time 4 older male cyclists in all the lycra wanted to overtake us. DP went to DS to sooth/move out of way. Cyclists have now stopped and said loudly 'FFS just move him out of the way'.
I replied 'it won't take a second he's upset'.
More grumbling and general unkindness from cyclists. DP then loudly called cyclist 'inconsiderate twat'.
DP now wants to get DS a high vis vest that says 'I am autistic please be patient ' but I feel uncomfortable about it.
Fwiw we have a sunflower lanyard but these cyclists either didn't know what it represents of didn't care and DP just doesn't want to get in that situation again.... which ended with all stressed and called people twats.

If they’re the sort of people that don’t have any patience or kindness towards a young child, then they won’t change when they know he’s autistic. Carry on with what you need to do, ignore rude people. You son has as much right to be there as they do and people can have different needs. They need to learn some tolerance of others. I’d have been even slower moving out of their way if they gave me that attitude but I’m petty as fuck on things like that.

Some people are cunts OP, but don’t let them make you feel like you have to provide your child’s personal medical info due to it.

Hope your son is ok. 💐

If there’s a chance your child has such a severe meltdown due to noise sensitivities perhaps it isn’t safe for them to be travelling along a path beside a canal where the noise they encounter cannot be predicted or controlled?

Answering as the AuDHD Mum of 2 x AuDHD 7 year olds:

• I wouldn't get a hi-vis vest. In my experience, vests and lanyards make sod all difference

• in similar situations, I have moved my child(ren) out of the way. My 2 cannot help having meltdowns and they are always my priority, but I also feel that the world doesn't stop just because they are dysregulated

Honestly I can’t get over how intolerant some are to kids or adults with SEN. Some people need to develop some empathy. I don’t think you should need to get your son a vest advising all he is autistic as if this situation occurred again you would hope people would be tolerant. However I have 2 DGDs who are both autistic and they would hate being the centre of attention or being marked out as different. They even struggle with the lanyards so your son might be the same. Unfortunately ear defenders might not be safe either as he would then be oblivious to people coming up behind him. You may have to do as we do with our DGDs and take him cycling only to very quiet places and avoid narrow paths like that if there is a risk he may have a meltdown. Not fair but that is the best way to keep him and others safe.

What a fucking twat!!

Some people are just nasty, op

I think a hi vis vest might be good for the winter anyway?

My dd is autistic and non verbal at 6 - i favour the sunflower lanyard myself with an attached label with my details on. I dont know that people would see the 'i am autistic' sign on the hi vis when cycling anyway

Does he not like ear defenders? Mine doesnt but isnt so bad with surprise noises xx

I wouldn't take my autistic child because he's severely autistic and has very unpredictable behaviour, but it's a huge h spectrum and I would assume the Op knows her son and what he can generally tolerate ,unfortunately there appears to have been a few incidents which has caused a meltdown, this might not be common for the Ops son.

I would be completely uncomfortable with either of my sons wearing a hi-vis vest advertising his autism.

Those cyclists could have controlled their tempers, whereas your son couldn't control his reaction.

One of my sons is severely autistic with profound learning disabilities. It's obvious to anyone with more than one brain cell that he is disabled. My other son would be mortified to have his privacy violated.

DS1 has been known to stop and drop in the middle of crossing the road. He is nearly as tall as me and weighs about 10 stone. If he doesn't want to move, he won't be moved. Luckily the drivers can clearly see what the situation is and are patient. If anyone was to try shouting at us, they've just extended his time on the floor even further.

I'm not going to avoid taking my son out on the off-chance he mildly inconveniences someone else. Some people need to learn compassion, empathy, and patience.

Trying to physically move a 7 year old in full meltdown while they are thrashing around could be very dangerous on a narrow towpath with a canal right beside them. Not sure where you would move them to either as many times it is just a narrow path with nowhere to go without walking 100 or 200 yards. I get that autistic children can get disregulated but if his reaction can be that severe I don’t think cycling on a towpath is safe unless it is a wide one.

God the level of entitlement in some of the posts here.

I drive on country roads every day & pretty much every journey have to slow to a crawl or stop for cyclists, horses, pedestrians walking by the side, tractors, even occasionally farm animals. I am glad to do so because I don’t want to be an aggressive, selfish road user, & recognise this is a shared space.

In deciding what is an appropriate speed for my car I take into account the need to be able to stop - unpredictably- in a shared road space.

I guess however some people think we should all just go full tilt and wind down the window and shout whenever delayed by other road users.

Groups of cyclists have a very bad reputation. I have always thought this was undeserved but this thread is making me re-think.

People who can’t be considerate and patient of other users on a shared road or path, & modify their speed and distance accordingly, are unfit to use it.

Tricky one.

I don't have DC with autism, but have worked with children who do, including sometimes taking them on excursions out and about, so have a little experience of the type of situation you describe.

I think 95% of people WOULD take note of the vest in that situation if they saw it, and try to be more patient.

On the other hand you do run the risk of more staring, maybe kids asking their parents what the vest means etc etc.

And also possibly people who think they are experts in autism chiming in to give advice?

I guess if your DH would feel happier taking dc out with the vest, and providing DC is happy to wear the vest and not stressed by the bright colour or anything, then maybe get one and let DH try it out on a solo outing with your DC. You can see how that goes, and then you can make your decision. In fact, you both might make different decisions depending on the nature of the outing - it doesn't have to be an all or nothing thing. For example, I can see such a vest might be useful if you ever decide or need to take DC to a more crowded event where there will be a lot of people.....

Sorry the cyclists were dicks, by the way. I think your husband was mild in his use of "twats".

I would be uncomfortable with my son wearing a vest as described.

I regularly take out very obviously disabled people and people arent universally patient. They just have the view they should be hidden away and not getting in the way of normal people.

Maybe you need to slow down??

I would be patient in the situation you describe becsue I’m not an arsehole. I don’t need a visual that your child is autistic, in fact I don’t particularly care that your child is autistic, I would see a family struggling and demonstrating a level of empathy. I cannot see how a person who would not do this would be swayed by a child wearing a warning sign.

I am not really a fan of making disabled children stand out by giving them a ‘slogan’ to wear. I say this as an autistic adult and parent to autistic children so I’m not completely unaware, my experience is that the vast majority do not want to stand out, quite the opposite

A canal path is a dangerous place to stop as if another user is behind and has to swerve around you they could crash and end up going into the water. If you know he is a high risk of reacting in this way to relatively ordinary every day sounds, he needs to wear ear plugs.

The person behind should leave enough distance to be able to stop safely.

bith my children are autistic and DS13 also ADHD. They both really suffer with noise issues too. We have various things to help, Loop or similar ear buds which are brilliant for blocking out certain pitches, great for school! I have really expensive ear buds and headphones for my DD17 with exceptional noise cancelling, but they were 300 and £500 so perhaps try loops first, ear defenders too and when they’re older and able to look after expensive stuff

Assuming it’s a shared path (since it’s too narrow for a dedicated cycle lane). Then pedestrians have right of way and since you know there is a dangerous bit and children might be on it, you should take more care!

Hi OP sounds like an awful experience for all of you. It’s so hard when things outside your control impact on what should have been a pleasant family outing leading to overload and meltdown.
On a practical level I wouldn’t use a vest declaring diagnosis. In this situation, like the lanyard, it might not have been seen. Anyone being so rude and intolerant probably wouldn’t care.
You can download free autism alert cards from the NAS website. These are helpful to give to people rather that having to engage with them.
I have experience of this as a parent when our daughter was young ( minus the bikes!) and as a professional. We used to have our own cards to hand out from our school to members of the public if needed.

https://www.autism.org.uk/advice-and-guidance/resources/downloads/my-child-is-autistic

You should have moved your child who was blocking a public path; you were making no moves to do so.

My autistic child would have expected you to move your child. For all you know, the cyclist was also autistic or had SEN issues themselves.

No I wouldn't as 1. People who have prejudice and nasty attitudes against people with Autism will still have it even if you had a neon sign with bells on it. 2. I wouldn't alert a potential predator nearby to how vulnerable my child is and make my child the easy target. Grim to say yes, but a very real risk.

I’d have said something sarcastic, giant lycra clad babies can’t hang on a second for a sad child. What losers.

To be honest I think entitled dickheads are going to be entitled dickheads regardless.

I quite like the idea of sunflower high-vis if you think it would help more generally but I think the sunflower only helps generally considerate people be more considerate, it’s not a magically cure for intolerance.

Literally says in the OP that the DP was trying to move him.

Some cyclists are absolute twats. Though generally fit a couple of years ago I hadn't been on a bike ride in ages one time and was struggling with a steep hill, so got off and walked the last bit. A group of male cyclists, lycra, razor thin wheels etc came past and one said really nastily "Shouldn't you be cycling that?"

I've never had anything like that from a fellow runner.

It’s not a cycle path, it’s a tow path which is a shared space and cyclists don’t have priority.

Cyclists using towpaths at speed are a danger to themselves and others.