Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

If you have a SEN child, would you be comfortable with this?

348 replies

Beetrootisthesecretingredient · 26/10/2025 08:43

Context: DS7 is autistic. Verbal but with lots of sensory issues and is very rigid.
Yesterday we went cycling along the canal tow path, one of our usual Saturday activities. Its usually quiet and we have a nice time cycling to a certain bridge and back. DS is very noise sensitive. Yesterday there was a series of unfortunate events (in our world): someone using a chain saw, a baby cried and then a loud car backfired, all within 2 mins of each other. DS leaps off bike screams and cries and lies on the tow path. Meltdown.
This happened on a very narrow bit of towpath. At this exact same time 4 older male cyclists in all the lycra wanted to overtake us. DP went to DS to sooth/move out of way. Cyclists have now stopped and said loudly 'FFS just move him out of the way'.
I replied 'it won't take a second he's upset'.
More grumbling and general unkindness from cyclists. DP then loudly called cyclist 'inconsiderate twat'.
DP now wants to get DS a high vis vest that says 'I am autistic please be patient ' but I feel uncomfortable about it.
Fwiw we have a sunflower lanyard but these cyclists either didn't know what it represents of didn't care and DP just doesn't want to get in that situation again.... which ended with all stressed and called people twats.

OP posts:
spoonbillstretford · 26/10/2025 11:35

Peridoteage · 26/10/2025 10:58

A canal path is a dangerous place to stop as if another user is behind and has to swerve around you they could crash and end up going into the water. If you know he is a high risk of reacting in this way to relatively ordinary every day sounds, he needs to wear ear plugs.

That's a cyclist problem, not a pedestrian problem. If they can't stop easily coming up behind walkers who haven't heard them and step to one side and end up in the canal then they are going too fast. And if it's very narrow, bikes shouldn't be down there at all, IMO.

Overthewaytwice · 26/10/2025 11:37

vivainsomnia · 26/10/2025 10:07

cyclists won’t be going 40
Ok not 40, but they could be going 20....because it's not unlawful to do so unless there is a speed limit indicated.

Child is not in a vehicle
Exactly, even less protection, even more at risk of severe harm!

a tow path isn’t a road
How clever of you to state so! It is still a path with moving vehicles that can kill!

you have either no grasp of the issue at hand which you keep demonstrating as such with your inapplicable scenarios (which is quite funny until you realise you probably represent a lot of the population with your uninformed response) or you have no empathy for the extent and array of disability autism can cause
You're the one who is clearly failing to recognise the danger that this father created by not thinking that moving his child and the bike should have been a priority when blocking a path with moving vehicles.

I'll ask again. If instead of lycra cyclists (who Mumsnet love to bitch about), it had been a 7 years old panicking and struggling to stop on time, ending up crashing in the dad and kid, injuring them all, would he be accused of being in the wrong and defending the dad for comforting his child?

If cyclists are that dangerous then maybe we should ban all bikes from tow paths?

It's not a cycle lane and they don't have priority.

Sometimes you have to be patient in public places. Me and my DC had to stop and wait for a wheelchair user yesterday. Her wheel had somehow locked on a narrow path in the woods and her friend needed time to fix it. We just... waited (mainly because we're not dicks).

Bikes also use that path and would also have had to stop, even if they quite like speeding along with no consideration of others, or were worried about their 'time'.

Onmytod24 · 26/10/2025 11:41

No definitely no ask your son if he would like to wear it actually don’t you should know the answer. It’s ridiculous suggestion.

Namechange822 · 26/10/2025 11:41

I’ve got a ND child, so I totally get that these sort of incidents are really upsetting.

But, gently, if your child is obviously 7 years old and lying on the floor on a tow path having a meltdown, it will be obvious to reasonable adults that he’s neurodivergent.

You don’t need a high vis vest, the cyclist was just a twat.

WannabeEDIOfficer · 26/10/2025 11:42

vivainsomnia · 26/10/2025 09:19

They probably said something because it was dangerous. We have a path between two towns which is wide for two to pass but at places narrower. You can go a decent speed on those paths. The number of people who will stop and block the way, or make very difficult to navigate is staggering. They are totally oblivious of the danger, caught in their own world.

I almost hit a child a couple of times because of it and they told me off. The fear of serious injury got my adrenaline up and I yelled back they were the idiots putting their child and I in danger. You need to be cycle path savvy!

But the op didnt say cycle path, they were on a tow path. Probably shared by walkers, joggers, dog walkers etc.

Op - YANBU. I wouldn't get a vest, but dont let this incident stop your family from enjoying your cycle rides.

SteakBakesAndHotTakes · 26/10/2025 11:44

I think it's just the cyclists. I've been sworn at because certain buses will stop on cycle lanes and you need to cross to get to the street - it was pouring rain and I had babies in a double buggy at the time. Some people just don't care about anything beyond themselves.

Kendodd · 26/10/2025 11:45

I would ask the kid if they want a vest, they they are able to answer such a question. Otherwise I wouldn't get a printed vest.
You should have moved your kid out of the way so others can pass. Some places it's just not safe or considerate for them to lie down, as others have said, would you let them lie down in the middle of a road blocking that?
Cyclist shouldn't have swarn at you. So you were both wrong. I get that there are real challenges raising a child with autism and I do sympathise. But the world doesn't revolve around your kid.

222days · 26/10/2025 11:48

OP my autistic children of a similar age won’t even wear ear defenders at school now because they are so worried about being different. They will sometimes use loops because they are more discreet. Absolutely no way should you put a vest on your child announcing his private medical information to anybody who sees him, you may make him more of a target for abuse.

Nasty, selfish people will continue to be so regardless of being aware of SEN, in fact some may even ramp it up more because like all bullies they only target people they perceive to be more vulnerable. I expect they’d have reacted in the same way to anybody with a different medical condition causing them a few moments of inconvenience by blocking the pathway: an elderly person who’d become faint and collapsed or someone who had slipped and broken a leg etc. These types of people are just supremely entitled and think the world should revolve around them, their preferences taking precedence over others’ needs.

As with all bullies the answer is to stand up to them. One of you should have stood between DS and potential oncoming traffic as an easily visible barrier while the other tried to calm him enough to move off the pathway.

Anybody riding their bike at a safe speed with sufficient visibility in front of them to stop in case of an obstruction would have been able to stop in time and has no reason to complain. If this was difficult they were not riding safely and are entirely to blame because they created any potential “danger” through their own reckless behaviour. I suspect they were not remotely concerned about potential danger, rather just furious that somebody had held them up for a few moments. A lot of them are obsessed with timing themselves and think their personal bests are more important than safety or the other people using public spaces.

Public spaces and pathways are for all of the public to use. This wasn’t a dedicated cycling lane so the false analogy some posters have attempted to make to being in the middle of a road are absurd.

Given that this was the reaction of these cyclists to seeing a small child in clear distress you wouldn’t have changed their behaviour and suddenly elicited empathy from them by giving them more information, I’m afraid. Better to laugh at their ridiculous behaviour, tell them firmly they’ll have to wait then ignore them entirely but stand firmly in their way until the other adult has been able to move DS out of harm’s way.

This is another reason that cyclists should have to have number plates so that antisocial behaviour, dangerous riding (and breaches of the highway code when on roads) can be more easily reported given these entitled behaviours are so prevalent from them in all of these different contexts. They seem to be labouring under the misapprehension that cyclists have priority on public footpaths, towpaths, roads and pavements and that all of these should be treated as dedicated cycling lanes. 🤨

Kendodd · 26/10/2025 11:48

Also, I would question whether a tow path is a safe place for you to cycle with your kid due to the water. If your kid is so reactive to noise and with no control of his actions I would worry to much about him ending up in the canal.

HeartbrokenCatMum · 26/10/2025 11:49

I’m a support worker and usually it’s obvious that someone has autism or learning disabilities, but when the people I look after make it really obvious with badges and lanyards then they get treated so much better and with patience. If your DS is having meltdowns in public places then I would make it really obvious.

MrsWhites · 26/10/2025 11:58

Wow, some of these comments are a disgrace!

The simple point of the matter is that it’s a shared path, not a designated cycle lane - therefore everyone using it should be expecting to share it with others and should therefore be considerate of others.

In an ideal world should you act quickly to move a child having a meltdown - yes but in practicality life doesn’t work like that.

Equally, if a cyclist wants to travel at speed without the chance of encountering young children, other obstacles that might slow them down, there are more appropriate places to choose.

222days · 26/10/2025 12:03

HeartbrokenCatMum · 26/10/2025 11:49

I’m a support worker and usually it’s obvious that someone has autism or learning disabilities, but when the people I look after make it really obvious with badges and lanyards then they get treated so much better and with patience. If your DS is having meltdowns in public places then I would make it really obvious.

Nope. The answer is that we start to reinstate basic decency and respect as social norms not mark out anybody different by forcing them to wear symbols in public.

I can think of a few historical contexts where that was tried and didn’t work out too well. Can you?

Also no, it certainly is not always obvious when someone has additional needs. You’re a support worker but oblivious to hidden disabilities?

However, in this case the child was having a meltdown: very different from behaviour you’d normally see from a 7 year old. It would, therefore, at that moment in time have been pretty damn obvious he had additional needs to anybody with a modicum of intelligence, yet this didn’t change the behaviour towards him at all, did it?

Whatafustercluck · 26/10/2025 12:03

I'm sorry you were exposed to the phenomenon known as the Full Kit Wanker. There are quite a few of them in cycling.

I'm not sure about the high vis vest tbh. The FKWs were the problem here, and they'd likely remain the problem even with a high vis vest.

Katemax82 · 26/10/2025 12:04

My husband probably would have yelled at the cyclists too, but probably told them he's autistic (he had to tell a guy to fuck off who was being nosey when my autistic son had a meltdown in Kuala lumphur airport)

Istanbol · 26/10/2025 12:08

I’d have picked my child up and moved them tbh, and I say that as a parent of a child with ASD who does meltdown.
The cyclists could have been much more reasonable and shouldn’t have behaved like dicks but I wouldn’t have just let my child lie in the floor on a path.

NormasArse · 26/10/2025 12:10

Those cyclists need vests which say, ‘ I’m a fucking twat- no need to be patient’.

Cunts.

222days · 26/10/2025 12:21

NormasArse · 26/10/2025 12:10

Those cyclists need vests which say, ‘ I’m a fucking twat- no need to be patient’.

Cunts.

Edited

That is something I could support!!

HeartbrokenCatMum · 26/10/2025 12:24

222days · 26/10/2025 12:03

Nope. The answer is that we start to reinstate basic decency and respect as social norms not mark out anybody different by forcing them to wear symbols in public.

I can think of a few historical contexts where that was tried and didn’t work out too well. Can you?

Also no, it certainly is not always obvious when someone has additional needs. You’re a support worker but oblivious to hidden disabilities?

However, in this case the child was having a meltdown: very different from behaviour you’d normally see from a 7 year old. It would, therefore, at that moment in time have been pretty damn obvious he had additional needs to anybody with a modicum of intelligence, yet this didn’t change the behaviour towards him at all, did it?

I said “usually” not “always”, maybe learn to read?

And yes of course the world should be more decent and respectful but that’s not something that can be solved in a day, so OP needs things that can help their lives instantly.

Luckyingame · 26/10/2025 12:48

Jellybunny56 · 26/10/2025 09:36

Surely the solution here is you just quickly move a 7 year old out of the way, clearing the path to let others pass and also then means you don’t have an audience for an already stressful situation?

One would think so.

HeMann · 26/10/2025 12:52

wouldn’t it have been more appropriate to move the child and then soothe him when he’s out of everyone’s way? Surely when there’s a conflict of rights one tries to treat everyone’s rights with equal respect?

Hotpolishcloth · 26/10/2025 12:58

2 capable adults there, simplest thing would be move the child between you and then soothe then. Blocking people passing and making them wait in a public space while you soothe him is a bit ridiculous for all concerned. Move him and soothe him properly without people breathing down your neck and rushing you. Best for everyone, most of all the child.

ClarissR · 26/10/2025 12:58

You should have moved your kid. Your DH was the twat for swearing and escalating the situation.

GlastoNinja · 26/10/2025 13:04

NormasArse · 26/10/2025 12:10

Those cyclists need vests which say, ‘ I’m a fucking twat- no need to be patient’.

Cunts.

Edited

Now that’s an idea

GlastoNinja · 26/10/2025 13:09

ClarissR · 26/10/2025 12:58

You should have moved your kid. Your DH was the twat for swearing and escalating the situation.

Cyclists have now stopped and said loudly 'FFS just move him out of the way'.
I replied 'it won't take a second he's upset'.
More grumbling and general unkindness from cyclists. DP then loudly called cyclist 'inconsiderate twat'.

From the OP. The cyclist swore at the OP and escalated the situation. After more grumbling the OP’s DH called someone a twat and no mention of anything after that.

So how do you get from that, the OP’s husband is escalated the situation by swearing - unless you’re just making stuff up.

helpfulperson · 26/10/2025 13:09

I think this was a relatively unique situation as there isn't room to move someone to often on a towpath. I've had a similar situation with a young person who had come off his bike and it took a few minutes to clear the path.

I think your husband should just have clearly stated that your son was autistic and you would move him as soon as possible.