Friend critical of my parenting - AIBU to think I’m doing nothing wrong here?

[stubbedit]

One of my friends has complained a few times now that I talk to my children using ‘baby talk.’ To be honest, the first time I just ignored it. The second time I glossed over it but when she brought it up again I defended myself a bit and said that I actually don’t. She said ‘well, you don’t talk like you’re talking to me!’ and proceeded to complain that I’m higher pitched and thinks it’s caused speech problems in dc1.

I am actually pretty pissed off about it.

YANBU, I have a 10 & 8 year olds and I speak to my friends 5 and 2 year old in a higher tone, isn't it just how we speak to younger children?

😂😂 poor little Cecil!
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I dont remember ever speaking high pitched tone or baby voice to anyone of any age, same as I dont do that weird voice some people put on for people whose first language is not English

I do speak a little differently to children but my voice doesn't change

Rubbish.

No law on that!

We all do it. It’s the tone of our voice that makes a baby respond. As they get older we stop and start talking appropriately. Look at that show with the lady with the high voice is so popular. It’s just a natural occurrence between a mother and child and grandma and grandchild. It just happens

You have to think ahead as a parent, and it pays to be conscious of the messages you're sending.

But people have questions they need answered to form an opinion. The children's are rather an important fact.

🙄🙄🙄

She's giving examples of where "baby talk" might not be helpful. I don't get the impression @mathanxiety is saying it's bad all the time.

Is anyone else here old enough to be thinking about Cartman's mum?

There's a big difference between 10 seconds & 20 minutes!! Especially when you leave out important information such as how old the children in question are. 'give you a chance' to do what? Engaging in the thread you started isn't really a big ask.

plus the number of post & run threads at the moment is ridiculous.

higher pitch. Ding ding voice are all fine when they're younger, but by 4 it's not necessary & id say not desirable.helpful in general. But you know whether it's helpful for DC1 or not. Maybe your friend thinks that it's not ?!

it can be quite jarring to listen to. Maybe wind it down a bit in the presence of other people??

yup - that is me entirely!

Yet if I heard anyone speaking the way to a human I would get the ick hahahaha

Not her business.

No, neither do I. My pets, however, are a different matter 😂

I suspect that OP's friend just finds the higher pitched baby voice irritating and she's trying to reach for some way to try and get OP to stop doing it! I'm guessing said friend either doesn't have kids or is past the wee ones stage.

My friend thought she didn’t do this and then I recorded it and we laughed our asses off bc she did exactly that. I also thought I’d never do it either, but I do, until they’re about 2 bc then life gets more serious

Omg, that’s hysterical bc everyone talks to their pets like that. Even men but it seems to be a bad thing to talk to a helpless little baby in your regular voice. It doesn’t happen and if people really, really think about it they will remember

I mean in a high pitched voice bc gruff is how to talk to newborns, right, not

It’s a weird things for her to be critical of.

But putting on a higher pitch can indict being flustered or anxious, whereas a lower tone can be calming and relaxed- more in control and so more likely to be listened to. So you could unintentionally be giving these signals to your child.

I have 3 under 3 and all speak normally and well, baby talk stopped about 3 months old lol. You can tell the only 2 in nursery who are talked to like there still babies and the rest who aren't tho as I work there to and it's not great and takes longer to teach them to

Cats, dogs, and other assorted pets. All require a “motherese” voice!

@stubbedit

I have no problem with ‘baby talk’ - in fact I think it’s really important for speech, so helpful for a child with a speech delay. It’s like singing or nursery rhymes - it makes language sound less threatening, softer, fun and interesting to listen to.
Ask you friend if she is a qualified SaLT, and otherwise she can F. Off. Or fire back with some ‘observations’ about her parenting style. Or start talking to her in the same ‘baby’ voice in EVERY conversation.

It is none of your friend's business but I can understand it grates a bit if you do it all the time.

We all talk silly to our babies sometimes but maybe try to curtail it a bit, especially for the older one. She or he has to get used to normal speech and needs to hear that from her mother.

Not her business. At all. In any way.

If a 'friend' said this to me I wouldn't want to hang out with them any more.

It’s probably because when I’m with her and then have to switch attention to DD (who is two) I change my voice but that’s so she knows I’m talking to her.

So if you imagine I’m driving and Jane says ‘Mark has decided to retire,’ and I say ‘oh really, he was….’ and DD fusses and cries a bit in the back ‘oh DD it’s okay, we’ll be there in just a minute! - yes he was saying he might last year wasn’t he?’ my voice will obviously change.

I think I wouldn’t mind if she said my pitch changes. But it’s the accusation of using baby talk that has annoyed me.

Absolutely this. Why does she care so much about minor things you do with your child? We are all different and we all parent slightly differently. If kids are safe and loved then friends should be supportive or why are they even classed as a friend?

Yes, you're right.