Friend critical of my parenting - AIBU to think I’m doing nothing wrong here?

[stubbedit]

One of my friends has complained a few times now that I talk to my children using ‘baby talk.’ To be honest, the first time I just ignored it. The second time I glossed over it but when she brought it up again I defended myself a bit and said that I actually don’t. She said ‘well, you don’t talk like you’re talking to me!’ and proceeded to complain that I’m higher pitched and thinks it’s caused speech problems in dc1.

I am actually pretty pissed off about it.

So under 4 but not babies or toddlers?

She does but they are now adults.

I am just a bit irritated as I think ‘baby talk’ and ‘altering the pitch of your voice’ are very different things. I’m obviously not going to be speaking to them as if I’m addressing the Roman senate, when all is said and done.

That’s madness, I love a baby in a snuggly babygro! There is a lifetime to wear ‘proper’ clothes, embrace the babygro while you can … And congrats!

Well, they aren’t twins and so one is a toddler! One is four. It’s mostly the toddler I have in tow when I see her so I think that’s the one she has most of an issue with.

None of her business.
See a lot less of her.

Is she the type to use big words when talking to her 2 year old like " condescending" or arbitrary"? my friend was like that and it absolutely baffled me. I never said anything to her though as it's none of my business.

I think she's disgraceful for blaming the speech delay on you. That's enough to make her an ex-friend.

My DB and SIL do this with their children. It does sound babyish once your children are older than about 18 months, and they got so ingrained in doing it, that they were still doing it on and off when their children were teenagers.
I'd personally think about what your friend is saying and try to talk to them in a more age appropriate way. Particularly the older one

Is it a performance parenting voice?

Hardly, if I’m not even aware of it myself.

I really don’t think I speak to my children particularly differently. I am probably a bit higher pitched when speaking directly to the toddler, especially when trying to divert a tantrum ‘shall we change your nappy?’ in the same tone as one might say ‘shall we go hit the free bar?’ but I don’t think it’s wrong or that it’s impeding their development.

She is quite critical generally so I’m taking it with a pinch of salt. Just annoyed that a medical condition is being blamed on me.

Yeh, she’s forgotten. I definitely used baby talk motherease with mine and they’ve all grown up to be normal, intelligent humans. I’d ditch the friend.

I now speak to my cats in this way and it doesn’t seem to be hurting them either!

Cut her off in her tracks if she starts that again OP, she’s being nasty with that criticism. Is she good company the rest of the time?

There’s plenty of research that suggests baby talk is actually beneficial for language development.

Oh I have a dog voice too, she'd absolutely hate that OP. She'd probably blame the dog not being able to speak on me.

Maybe you're 'coaxing' them into doing things instead of instructing them and expecting compliance?

Do your children need coaxing to do things that should be the norm for their ages, like sitting on a chair to eat, using a spoon or fork, not leaving a huge mess on the table and floor, putting on a jacket or shoes, etc. "Now Sweetie-pie, let's use our spoon for that yogurt, shall we? We don't want to make a big yogurt mess all over ourselves, do we? (Tinkly little laugh)"

Sometimes mothers will pussy foot it with early years aged children because they're afraid of conflict with their child, or afraid of losing face in front of a friend if the child refuses.

The softy softy approach often involves a higher, babying tone than a direct instruction. Even if the same words (minus tinkly little laugh) are used, it's less authoritive than a lower tone and can be very irritating to an onlooker, who sees a child who has his mother wrapped around his little finger.

Jesus Christ give her chance.

Some people like to get a good few replies first to see the varying opinions.

😁

Have you reminded her of your toddler’s hearing loss? Or told her to fuck right off, because I don’t think she’s a particularly great ‘friend’.

Yes, that's coaxing.

I'd watch your wording and tone. Your toddler has a deep felt desire to know that someone else is in charge. Tantrums should be ignored. Toddlers need to know their tantrums are not The Big Scary Thing, and that you're not afraid of their big feelings.

Try saying, "Come with me, Cecil. It's time to change your nappy now." Then pick him up and whisk him off for a change. Afterwards, you can do high fives or congratulate him on a nice dry nappy - a positive spin on an experience he was prepared to fight about.

Yep, our son has a hearing impairment, so we were encouraged to do it for longer as the exaggerates lip movements make it easier for him to copy a sound that he may be unable to hear.

I have different cat voices depending on the type of miaow of the cat - Burmese is lower than moggies. I have dog voices depending on the size of the dog. And a hamster voice. I even sometimes talk to plants in a special plant voice. She’d love me.😂

😁 I love that. I’m also pleased to know someone else talks to their plants.

I'm with your friend, I hate the baby voice and the third person person "Come to Mummy" nonsense and behaving weirdly around young children.

Pitching your voice a bit higher is understandable because it is easier for tiny children but other than that, talk to them like people.

How are they to learn grammar and vocabulary if you speak to them like they're babies?

Haha I also have a cat voice. I used to refer to myself to Mummy to the cat, but he sadly passed before I had my first child!

@mathanxiety not as a rule. Just depends sometimes, doesn’t it? You do sometimes get more bees with honey than vinegar and if asking nicely gets results then I’ll continue to do so. They are well behaved anyway usually.

It probably is annoying but the simple fact is not many people speak to two year olds and sixty year olds the same.

Yes, it really does help with very young infants, and it is instinctive.

But treating toddler tantrums in a way that tells your toddler you're afraid of tantrums or uncomfortable with them is not healthy because it goes the toddler and the tantrums too much power.