To not want to date men who don’t have degrees?

[ForNiftyOrca]

I know this might sound snobby to some but I’ve realised I’m just not interested in dating men who haven’t been to university. It’s not about money or status, it’s about mindset. I find I connect better with people who enjoy learning, have a similar outlook and value education in the same way I do. It’s not that men without degrees aren’t intelligent or successful, I just find I’m more compatible with those who’ve been through that experience.

AIBU to have this as a dating filter or is it unfair to rule people out based on education?

I agree. Curiosity is very important to me too but that certainly does not exclusively equate with going to uni or having a degree. (I’ve always been a curious person but never went to uni).

Thats up to you. I know lots of thick/useless people with degrees though.

Nothing about dating criteria is or should be 'fair'

I don't get how the criteria meets the stated goal - I've met plenty with degrees who don't care about education and their uni experiences that they talk about have little to do with education - but I can see why it could a loose criteria in a particular direction.

And really, this is about preferences, not 'red flags, green flags' - whether they went to uni says nothing about their character or how they'll treat you.

I can see how this filter wouldn’t make sense across all age groups or generations, especially when access to university was so different. I’m in my early 30s, so my peer group tends to include more people who did go to uni and I’ve just noticed that I tend to connect more easily with people who’ve had that experience.

It’s not about writing anyone off or assuming anything based on age or background, more just reflecting on patterns I’ve seen in my own dating life. But I really appreciate hearing other perspectives, especially from people with more life experience.

Any degree? There are so many and a lot of them are career driven rather than some sort of evidence of a love of learning. All good in my opinion, but not necessarily compatible with your preferences.

I don’t think a degree tells you anything about a person except that for ‘x’ number of years they studied a particular subject. They may remain interested in the subject and in learning in general or they may have left it firmly in the past.

In the end though, it’s entirely up to you. You don’t need validation here. And you can always widen the net if you don’t get enough matches.

This post has to be a wind-up - what nonsense.

I mean if having a degree matters - which degree subject qualifies in your criteria, does the university matter and what pass mark suffices?

Having a degree doesn’t equate to compatible /compatible outlooks.

FWIW I have a degree and a Masters. My husband does not have a degree. Or many A levels either. Doesn’t mean to say he doesn’t value education. Guess who is very senior in a multi- national company ? Clue not me!

On your rationale you’d be saying people like Richard Branson would never be worth dating or Jamie Oliver because ya know that don’t have degrees.

You keep mentioning the mindset, can you elaborate?

Got to admit also when I look round at other parents at the primary stage and my friends, some of the best hands on dads committed to their families tend to be ones not in traditional professions that won't have gone to uni. Obviously massive blanket statement there but seems to be a trend.

Do as you please but my niece is at uni having achieved a BTEC pass. Other than a passing interest in the subject shes studying, no interest at all in learning. Lots of interest in immersing herself in the nightlife though.

How long have you been single?

Why are you posting about your personal preferences? I honestly don’t get what you’re looking for here…?

A degree doesn’t automatically make someone curious, emotionally intelligent or interesting. And ignorance can definitely show up at any education level.

It’s less about the piece of paper and more about the patterns I’ve noticed in who I tend to click with. For me, that’s often people who’ve experienced uni, not because they’re better but because we often end up having similar reference points or approaches to conversation. But I fully get that it’s not a perfect indicator of depth, curiosity or emotional maturity. Love the way you put it though, ignorance really is a killer for connection!

As a general rule, yes, maybe. It's good to use as a 'marker' that they have basic critical thinking skills and can grasp more complex concepts.

However, a fair few exceptions to this. Got a couple of friends who are actors and artists that never went to uni, but their brain is amazing, they've been exposed to so much and I love these conversations. One of my friends is a hairdresser and likewise, she's so curious and knows so much.

Equally, I've spoken to many graduates who are really narrow-minded, literally did a finance degree to earn a good salary, and are interested in shopping and eating and little else.

So it can be a useful filter but not the be all, end all.

P.S. Come to the dating thread

Has your filter proved to be successful? Have you had enough non-degree relationships to know they are not for you? How much better has dating men with degrees over no degrees been?

When you meet a man you are attracted to, do you ask him about his degree straight away? Does the attraction switch off if he didn’t go to uni?

I think it’s pretty bog standard to form relationships with people with similar educational backgrounds and social status. They’re tied to lifestyles, income expectations and social circles.

I met my husband through my uni friends. I might’ve fallen for a plumber, but my friendship group and contacts made that highly unlikely.

It's certainly reasonable to only be attracted to men who are highly intelligent, inquisitive, and like to think about things deeply. University Attendance is a lazy shorthand for this though. Of course the vast majority of men who are these things will naturally have wanted to go to university but can you notthink of any reasons why a man who meets these laudable criteria might have been prevented? Perhaps dyslexia undetected at school, perhaps a family tragedy or teen severe illness? Perhaps circumstaces made it financially impossible? (Eg if your parents live internationally you might not qualify for "home student" fees). So use the real criteria, not the university attendance. There's a lot of utter knobs who have been to university but have no love of learning they just wanted to mark time for 3 years and be on their favourite sports team.

You keep saying mindset…what exactly do you mean? I have three children who went to Uni and they are all very different individuals ,personality wise,their aspirations varied etc .

There’s definitely some truth in that. Both my sons met their gf’s at uni, it’s obviously a very good way of meeting people. But I would have been appalled if my sons declared they would never date a girl without a degree. Or is it only ok if it’s women who say that?

I agree that curiosity, commitment and sharp thinking absolutely aren’t exclusive to degree holders. I admire people like Steve Jobs and others who built incredible things without going the university route. And to be clear, I wouldn’t write someone off just because they didn’t go to uni.

My original comment was never meant to say that a degree guarantees those qualities or that not having one rules someone out. It’s just something I’ve personally noticed when it comes to compatibility, that I often connect more naturally with people who’ve had similar educational experiences. That’s not a universal truth, just a reflection of patterns I’ve seen in my own dating life. Definitely not trying to paint everyone with the same brush and I’m always open to being proved wrong by someone brilliant who breaks the mould.

I think the 'how old are you?' question does have some value. My DH barely scraped a few O levels back in the day. He didn't have a good experience at school - we know now that he is dyslexic. However, he is now retired but had a very successful career in business where he earned in excess of 6 figures. I have a degree so our educational experiences are very different. But at our age (late 50s/early 60s) our experiences in education are so far back in the distance that what has happened more recently - I'm taking 20 - 30 years has most definitely shaped us far more that a three year Uni experience (or not) 40 years ago.

I’ve just asked that as well.All waffle TBH !!

Seems you’re still deeply enmeshed in your university experience and want it to feature in your life going forward.

Yes, lots of fluffy word salad with no actual substance.

That said, there’s lot of bots/AI scraping happening on Mumsnet at the moment.

That’s an interesting take. I can see how, for some, constant studying might feel like avoiding real-world responsibilities. But I think there’s a difference between being “addicted” to learning and simply being someone who enjoys growing, questioning and engaging with new ideas.

For me, it’s not about collecting degrees or staying in a student bubble, it’s about that mindset of curiosity and reflection. Some people develop that through study, others through lived experience, work, travel or passion projects. I just happen to find that I click more with people who enjoy that kind of mental exploration, wherever it comes from.

Oh how snobbish!

Perhaps karma will choose to punish you for your prejudice and consign you to a lifetime of bad sex... with a geography teacher who only likes to talk about his passion for glacial moraines.