To not want to date men who don’t have degrees?

[ForNiftyOrca]

I know this might sound snobby to some but I’ve realised I’m just not interested in dating men who haven’t been to university. It’s not about money or status, it’s about mindset. I find I connect better with people who enjoy learning, have a similar outlook and value education in the same way I do. It’s not that men without degrees aren’t intelligent or successful, I just find I’m more compatible with those who’ve been through that experience.

AIBU to have this as a dating filter or is it unfair to rule people out based on education?

Is not having a university degree a ‘flaw’ now? Good to know.

Of course not it’s absolutely fine to have whatever criteria you want.

I am not sure about your reasoning though.
Most of the people I know went to uni because they couldn’t be bothered to get a FT job, their parents made them of because they had no idea what they wanted to do.

Whereas those that didn’t go to uni was because they chose to work and therefore tend to have a better work ethic.

I’ve advised my DD to go to uni so she can spend more time having fun, because she’s got her whole life to work FT, to give herself more time to decide what she wants to do and for the experience of making friends and just having fun - nothing actually to do the education side of things.

I get that most people don’t ask about degrees when making friends and I don’t either. My friendships have always been more organic and based on connection, shared values or energy.

Dating just feels a bit different - there’s more scrutiny around long-term compatibility and future vision. I’m not saying I only connect with grads but over time I’ve noticed I tend to gel more easily with people who’ve had similar educational experiences. It’s not a hard rule, just a pattern I’m reflecting on. I genuinely appreciate hearing how others approach it.

If your emphasis is on shared values and people you connect with, well isn't that your filter? You've said yourself a degree is no guarantee of the qualities you're looking for.

Yeah I think degrees are more of a significant intelligence and financial divide for 45 year olds and above

This. These days a degree does not mean that much and not being degree educated certainly does not denote lack of intelligence.

I notice you’re swerving the age question @ForNiftyOrca but basing your search for a life partner on whether they have or haven’t done something for 3 years (such a small amount of time!) seems to unnecessarily narrow your search. By all means have criteria of curiosity, keen to learn, worldly(?) but a person doesn’t have to have a degree to have those things about them.
Unless you are an academic (like many of my family are) or intend to become an academic degree status becomes incidental a couple of years into working life. Anecdotally, those in my circle who hold academic achievements as the pinnacle of success (and indeed have made it their career) are both the poorest and most unhappy/unfulfilled.

You're a fool. I had to do some professional qualifications via an ex poly with a poor reputation (not my choice the qualifications are niche and my employer funded). The students I worked with there all had or were working towards degrees, but had very very different mindsets and attitudes to learning than those at the competitive RG where I did my first undergraduate and master's. All degrees aren't created equal and signify little in and of themselves. One of the most eloquent, well read, interesting men I know is an artist, very successful, no degree.

Nice qualities are exactly what I would look for in a man.
Why is having a degree more important than that?

I actually really appreciate the perspective that comes with experience, it’s exactly why I posted in the first place. I’m not trying to be evasive about my age, more just keep the focus on the principle than the number. But I’m in my early 30s and my criteria have already evolved a lot from my 20s. I’m not chasing perfection, just being honest about what tends to work for me so far. I’m also fully open to being proven wrong by the right person, degree or not.

You are kidding right? 😂

If not, this is one of the weirdest responses I’ve seen on MN. Flaws, high bar, standards?

Do you per chance have a degree because if you do you’ve just blown OP’s reasons for her criteria out of the water?

I hope you miss out on a wonderful, caring, loyal man who would be perfect for you purely because he didn’t have the opportunity to go to university, in fact I hope you miss out on several of them 😊

I’ve definitely thought about that. But I’d rather have fewer options that actually align with what I’m looking for than cast the net wide just for the sake of it. It’s not about ticking boxes, I just tend to connect more with people who’ve had certain shaped experiences or who think in similar ways. But I’m also open to being surprised. Compatibility doesn’t always look how you expect.

I have not suggested it’s a flaw 🙄

women are certainly encouraged to drop their standards because he might be nice, those standards do not necessarily mean about their possible status

She is setting her standards that is fine one of them is to have a degree which is also fine

why should women not set standards or a criteria for the men they want relationships with

It was very clear from the outset what sort of response this was going to get. If it wasn’t clear to you, then you’ve not been on MN very long.

If you’d just posted, We all make choices about compatibility, some people use salary as a marker, others education, religion, lifestyle, politics, etc. What are your criteria? then that would have elicited some interesting responses. And, in my opinion, would have made for an interesting thread (I might start it, actually).

Instead, you’ve got lots of people being reflexively defensive, accusations of elitism and you repeating your justifications (that you don’t need, it’s your life) pretty much ad nauseam. However, if you’re getting what you wanted out of the thread, then I’ll mind my own business.

Not every degree signals a love of learning or deep intellectual curiosity and I agree that plenty of people leave it behind the minute they graduate. I suppose it’s less about the certificate itself and more about the broader habits and mindset I often associate with the experience.

And you’re right - if I ever feel like the pool’s too narrow, I can always re-evaluate. But for now, it’s just something I’ve noticed helps me filter for compatibility more than anything else.

Ok but not to concern you too much, but assuming you do want a relationship, if you stick to the rigid rules you have (which don’t appear to be working anyway) you might find you’ve let the good non-degree guys go and now they’re all happily with someone else. I would recommend you do what you admire in men with degrees and be more curious and open minded about those that haven’t been to uni. At least keep your options open.

I have a law degree from a top university. Partner doesn't. He is far more successful than me and has a high up role.

Uni wasn't for him. Me, I love to learn but it means I've jumped from one thing to another and not settled into one thing.

So, if I was a man and you happened to speak to both of us on a dating website, you'd strike him off and not me because I'm university educated?

Not bothered about degrees but I find competence very, very sexy.

I don't care if it's from a carpenter deftly handling some bit of wood or an old fireman doing a risk assessment or someone showing they are capable and know what they're on about in finance. It gives me a shiver.

A degree demonstrates they paid to go to uni & stuck it out for 3 years. I meet some truly useless men, with degrees, masters & lofty opinions everyday at work. It leaves me cold.

I guess it depends on whatever it is that flats your boat.

Not a wind-up, just a honest reflection on something I’ve noticed about my own preferences. I’m not saying a degree guarantees compatibility or that people without one aren’t successful or interesting (far from it, your example proves that well!).

For me, it’s not about prestige, subject or grades, it’s more about the patterns I’ve seen in who I tend to connect with on a values or mindset level. That doesn’t mean I’d write someone off just because they didn’t go to uni and I’m definitely not suggesting that someone like Branson or Jamie Oliver wouldn’t have anything valuable to offer. It’s not a rule, just something I’ve been thinking about.

She can have whatever criteria she wants. I’m not sure how successful it’s been so far though.

What "broader habits and mindset" are you referring to? That's pretty vague and meaningless. Vast numbers of people graduate from university with vastly different habits, mindsets and so on - I genuinely could not specify a single common "graduate trait". So I have no idea what you're talking about there.

Are you really claiming women are not encouraged to have lower standards when choosing a partner because so few nice/good men are out there

we hear it all the time oh he might have been a twat but give him another try oh he may still live at home at 35 but he may be saving money

women should be encouraged to set a standard for themselves and not constantly accept lesser than what they want