Aibu to not bother brushing her teeth then? She’s causing so much stress and anxiety and I’ve had enough!

[memyselfandI2025]

So my 4 year old REFUSES to brush her teeth. Point blank refuses. I try changing tooth pastes to child friendly flavours I’ve tried buying tooth brushes that are bright I’ve tried bribing her, she won’t do it. I tried telling her she will lose privileges if she doesn’t do it, nothin works. I have to try brush Quick when she’s distracted but it’s not enough! Explained to the dentist at her last check up and he just said I need to bribe her. Bed time is a massive battle of screaming and crying because she won’t brush her teeth

She sounds very much like DS2...he hated brushing his teeth until we discovered oranurse (which is unflavoured and non foaming), the dentist explained some people have a sensitivity to the foaming agents in normal toothpaste and that's why he found all the flavoured toothpastes 'spicy'

He's also a very fussy eater who hates getting his clothes wet.

I don't disagree that some things are non negotiable, and it's unwise to let children think they can make certain decisions. But there's firm, there's force and then there's FORCE. Surely you can see the difference?

You're being naive if you think everything can be overridden by force. Or that it's anything other than a temporary show of power. You seem to have a 'I'm no nonsense, stop being a pansy' attitude - but if you manhandle your child to the floor every time they refuse to do something you've lost your way.

What if your kids won't sit down on an aeroplane? Are you going to physically restrain them for the entire flight? What does that look like? You wouldn't be physically strong enough to hold them that entire time if they really meant business so... sit on them? Similarly, the human jaw is astonishingly powerful so sure you can jam a toothbrush through their lips by force but if they don't want to part their teeth you won't be able to change that.

Ironically, I actually agree that in this instance I would also physically try to brush their teeth, holding them if necessary - but I'm not so arrogant as to think that this would always work, nor that other parents haven't thought of it.

I also have a very stubborn child. Honestly if it's engrained into the routine they will get it EVENTUALLY. Mine is now 8. Actually getting up the stairs without a million mini diversions is another matter! Electric toothbrush and turn it over timer helps. I also promise a treat (if you start it in the next three minutes you can watch funny animal videos with me before books, or I will do a mega tickle).

Like others on here we had a song with actions.....adapted a favourite children's song to be all about teeth brushing and we all did the song together. Let them choose own toothbrushes too.

My four year old also point black refused to brush his teeth, so he was held and his teeth brushed for him until he understood it would be happening whether he ‘refused’ to do it or not.

You are the parent and tooth brushing is non negotiable. Your 4 year old doesn’t necessarily need to ‘agree’ to everything.
You make decisions and provide care that is in her best interests because you are the adult and she is a child.
It is your job not to neglect her basic needs whether she likes it or not.

I agree, I'm a teacher also. I have come across quite a few children who spend a lot of time in great pain, through bad teeth.
I've told my four year old that Mr Spider eats left over food from your teeth at night if you don't brush them! Worked a treat!

No sweet treats whatsoever then, ever, under any circumstances. Worked in our house.

Also screen ban threats - you obviously have to be prepared to follow through - have never failed me.

Also don't hold back on the consequences of unbrushed teeth. I have a paediatric dentist friend and some her stories are absolutely grim.

Oh come on. This is about understanding what the problem is and making adjustments to enable the child to tolerate tooth brushing. It’s not a ‘pin them down no matter what’. It’s about showing curiosity and compassion and figuring out why. Of course learning self care and teeth cleaning is important.

The approach I’ve described works much better with my child, who’s autistic with sensory processing difficulties, than force and dismissing what their behaviour is communicating. To use your phrase ‘wtf would anyone want to put themselves through that’.