Aibu to not bother brushing her teeth then? She’s causing so much stress and anxiety and I’ve had enough!

[memyselfandI2025]

So my 4 year old REFUSES to brush her teeth. Point blank refuses. I try changing tooth pastes to child friendly flavours I’ve tried buying tooth brushes that are bright I’ve tried bribing her, she won’t do it. I tried telling her she will lose privileges if she doesn’t do it, nothin works. I have to try brush Quick when she’s distracted but it’s not enough! Explained to the dentist at her last check up and he just said I need to bribe her. Bed time is a massive battle of screaming and crying because she won’t brush her teeth

This is exactly how I brush my DS teeth every morning and night. We are responsible for our children's dental health, there is no choice.

Honestly, for her sake you must. My mother didn’t bother with me or my sibling’s and I’ve had a lot of pain and expense as a result.

With my autistic child, we have used a variety of techniques.

Asda do toothbrushes for 25p a pack. My child would get a fresh one with a bit of kiddy toothpaste and just chew the toothbrush.

I've used silicon baby toothbrushes to chew on too.

Also, the 3 headed toothbrushes.

If all else fails, a muslin cloth over your forefinger with a bit of toothpaste on and give the teeth a good rub.

All of the above is better than nothing.

You can get unflavoured toothpaste too on Amazon.

It might be a sensory issue.
Try tasteless toothpaste with an electric toothbrush, I start getting DS to chew on the brush while relaxing watching tv, with a tiny bit of paste. No pressure.
These days he's a lot better.

I also used to get my child to lie down and sit above the top of their head so you can see better to clean the teeth.

Went through this with my daughter, she was a bit younger 3 I think. I snapped one night, got my phone out showed her pictures of rotten teeth, literally the most disgusting pictures I could find, told her that is what will happen if she doesn’t brush her teeth and that it will be painful. She was upset and scared by it, she talked about it in bed that night “daddy will that really happen to my teeth” was pretty worried about it. DH was upset with me said I frightened her and it wasn’t appropriate. Guess what, she started brushing her teeth and we never had another issue again. Probably not my finest parenting moment but it worked and it’s better than the alternative which is being scared over teeth fillings, injections and extractions and not just pictures.

We use 2 min toothbrushing song videos etc on kids YouTube on our phones. Also for nail cutting, hair cutting, etc. It works, in fact my DS love it and it helps us coax him into bedtime routine, and we’ll do it for years if that what it takes to keep those teeth smiling.

Our dental hygenist told me she tackles and pins her kids down to do it 😝

We have some success with chocolate flavour toothpaste and the pokemon toothbrushing app. But it is a real battle. DS is 10 now and doesn't get any more amenable to it. He's most likely PDA and we're awaiting an assessment.

It could be a sensory issue. My DC who has sensory issues (diagnosed with ASD) used to be just like this! I had to pin him down (gently) and very quickly brush his teeth.

Worth investigating. If it’s sensory related, google strategies. My DC is fine now.

Much easier at this age to insist and get it done, however long it takes it gets done, she’ll see you mean it. I was brushing my kids teeth still at 4.
The timers with flashing lights are quite fun. But absolutely you have to stick to it and never let her go to sleep or leave the house without brushing her teeth. It’ll become an awfully hard habit to change as she gets older. And bad teeth are painful AND expensive.

I tried this with my DC, it didn't work for him, he's autistic, swung his head back and forth and side to side with force and had his mouth clamped shut. I'm all for trying to get children to brush their teeth and I'm not against the way you described it. Sitting on a child's chest and holding their nose is a whole other level though. People have died from being restrained in that way.

Get one of those baby silicone ones that go over fingers and fruity toothpaste. My 4 year old was same.

I hate YouTube and phones for kids.

But if there is ever a time where YouTube on a phone is appropriate for a small child, this is it. It's 2 mins twice a day, it's the lesser of two evils. Better a screen than pinning them down or simply not brushing.

Either put their favourite show on or search for toothbrushing songs. Hey Duggee has a good one and even that godforsaken awful Blippi has a pretty good one too.

Only way that I would have been able to force teeth brushing is put child on lap, one of their arms is pinned to your side and use one arm to hold their other arm, then one leg over theirs.

it’s not a great idea, especially at an older age like 4 as it’ll make the fight worse but I’d do it if nothing else worked. Two mins of unpleasantness.

I have taught in inner city, deprived schools for too long and seen too many 4 year olds with black rotting teeth to ensure my kids brush their teeth properly. I would pin mine down if necessary in order to brush properly. No excuses on this one.

Can get musical toothbrushes, or ones that make a fart sound after a minutes brushing, would making it a game help at all? Good luck and am with the others, toothbrushing is a must.

Frighten her , Show her some photos or videos of rotten teeth on you tube !!! It worked with a child I know!!!!They started brushing their teeth!

I’m thinking she’s autistic from what you’ve said?

Google hints and tips from other parents- find support groups on Facebook.

it sounds like you need to figure out other ways in a less pressured situation.

Does she like foods she can crunch into, like an apple or soft foods that could just be swallowed?

She may prefer a firmer toothbrush or warm water in a cup rather than cold from the tap.
How about mouthwashes? Not to gargle but to rub on teeth with a finger or a baby teething brush?

I’d also stop doing it at the current times as it’s obviously stressful for you both. Once good in the middle of the day is better than 2 fights achieving nothing.

Does she talk/ communicate well?

It sounds also like you are not following through with ‘bribes’ and you are saying ‘you won’t have xyz’ but she does.

Good luck.

You don’t restrict their breathing to pin a child down, bloody hell.

You hold their arms down. You don’t seriously think parents who want their children to have clean teeth are choking them to do so…??

I'd do that too

Another one with an autistic child (3 actually). My youngest is now 10, but he was the same when little (diagnosed aged 4) At the time my friend was a dental nurse. She advised tooth brushing songs and to wrap him in a towel, make it a game and then lay him between legs on the floor so his head was upside down essentially facing up once he was in that position and singing the song, I’d just go in with a tiny smear of toothpaste on the brush and do one side of each row at a time and very gently. He wasn’t very accepting at first but once he could see it didn’t take long and it was part of his routine he eventually cooperated and we got to the stage that he just asked to do it himself and then I would finish by going over properly. We used unflavoured toothpaste for a few years but he will tolerate the Colgate sensitive toothpaste now as it isn’t an overpowering mint taste. The dentist also still tells me to use a smear as he swallows the toothpaste and fluoride spots started showing up. We went to the dentist yesterday as it happens and got the thumbs up. And for the first time he actually opened his mouth fully for the dentist! He still won’t let them put the cream/ varnish on to help with protection. We’ve taken away some of the little brushes they use to apply it to try and get him to accept them, so I feel your pain. Feels like starting all over again 😅

My son was like this, he’s now 16,
chose by himself to have a brace fitted, does the cleaning routine rigoursly and without being reminded and goes through heaps of toothpaste. It will get better OP, hang in there just one of those things that takes time.

I agree. Oral heath significantly affects overall health as well as self-esteem. It is one of the most important care-giver responsibilities.

Just don't do it

I a week or two her teeth will feel grumpy and she'll start brushing them

My 2nd was just like this. We tried everything and had so many meltdowns over it. This was the one time in a day she'd be allowed to watch something on my phone. There are tooth brush timer videos on YouTube which reveal a picture slowly over 2 mins that are seared into my brain.

She's 8 now and still not keen but tolerates having her teeth brushed and gets the logic.