MIL implying husband resents co sleeping and we need “adult time”

[Kahan]

my baby (7 months) sleeps in a co sleeper crib next to my main bed. We have 2 yo in bed with us. I’ve had post partum with both pregnancies and found it much easier to manage when co sleeping. I do have to admit I have easy babies. So I’ve lucked out. But MIL commented that maybe it’s time we utilised the nursery so we could have some space back to be adults. Dh shut her down straight away and said it was up to me. But it’s really got me worried. Husband obviously admits he finds the babies being in with us not ideal but supports me as it’s easiest for me. We’ve tried separate bedrooms but husband prefers sleeping with us anyway. I’m just very paranoid now. Husband has said it would be nice to have our room back but the babies are only young once. I get so much better sleep as I am breastfeeding. The other day I was speaking to a couple of friends and they ended up being really judgmental about wives that prioritise their kids over their husbands and almost using that to explain cheating . I just nodded along but was horrified on the inside. Our sex life is rubbish. It used to be very good. I just have no energy. Co sleeping works. Well it allows me to sleep.

Should I take the advice of mil/froends?

Good luck with getting your 2 year old out of your bed, think you may have left that a bit long and will pay the price now.

No one has a reason to sleep in anyone's bed though. We bedshare for comfort mainly (or lack of space perhaps) and because we are mammals. Surely small kids also deserve that?

Yep he'll still be in there at 25 I'm sure.

Did you read the post I was replying to? It said that babies should be in their own room from day one, which is very dangerous and out-dated advice.

And it’s a temporary season of their lives, it will change at their own pace. I’m not sure why you’re so bothered about the potential of two small children sleeping with their parents. Super king beds exist, children move in to their own rooms, compromise is important.

The earlier you put them in their own room and sleep train, the easier.

The later you leave it, the harder it will to transition. Controversial take on this forum but it's true.

My oldest was in their own room at 4 months (sleep trained at 7), and her younger sibling joined her in the room at 8 months old. It's so liberating.

There is a reason though. He doesn’t sleep well in his own room and OP has no energy.

As our kids didn’t sleep well, we bought a bigger bed. We never planned to co sleep, not even sure it was called that when mine were little but everyone got sleep and that was important.

your children must be adults because the advice is over six months to significantly reduce the risk of SIDS

Try to sleep train the 2-year old . Ask DH to do all the comforting and going to their room if they wake up at night. X

3.5 and 15 months.

I let guidance inform decision making. I don't use it as an instruction manual for my parenting. Each to their own.

It's not dangerous. It may not be the current in thing but it is not dangerous! Civilisation survived all this long without co-sleeping until recently.

It is dangerous and out-dated advice. Please look at the Lullaby Trust’s website if you don’t trust WHO or the NHS.

Don’t listen to anyone else. Do what’s best for you.

We shared a bed with all three DC until they were around 2 years. We all slept really well. Lived in a one bedroom flat when DC were young, so no other room to move to! But it was so wonderful that even when we moved to a 3 bedroom place, the two youngest carried on sleeping in our room for quite a while after.

It’s very typical if you have kids of 2 years and 7 months not to have much sex. Often the last thing you feel like. Anyone with similar age kids who tells you they have a great sex life is probably lying. And sex doesn’t have to be restricted to nighttimes in bed!

MIL should keep her nose out. If she doesn’t understand how inappropriate she’s being, then ask her how much ‘adult time’ she has per week. None probably.

Rates of SIDs has reduced with the guidance parents have now. Civilisation may have survived but not all babies have unfortunately so it’s quite cruel to be so flippant.

Sleep affects every aspect of your life. Carry on prioritising your sleep and doing what you can for yourself and your children. This is such a short period in your life. Why does sex need to happen in a bed at night? Think outside the box on that one. Furthermore if your husband doesn’t like sleeping alone then he must understand why your children also want to sleep with you. MIL is borderline creepy and needs to stay in her lane.

Yes, or maybe the DH could just cope with "less than ideal" for a bit longer in order to support his wife. It sounds like he is perfectly willing to do so, and it's his mother that has a problem with the status quo.

It is fine for a dad to make a few minor sacrifices in order to support his wife when she has post natal depression. A healthy marriage can easily withstand this.

Could you say "Don't worry MIL. There's plenty of other places in the house for us to "be adults" <wink wink>

So you think prehistoric people in one room dwellings didn't co sleep? Or the Anglo Saxons who mainly slept in a big hall? Or families living in a 2 up 2 down?

When do you think co-sleeping was invented?

But how long is he expected to cope? There are posters on here saying their kids shared their bed until they were 8 years old.

Yes, parents should make sacrifices but you can't expect to share a bed with your kids indefinitely without it having some kind of negative impact, no matter how "healthy" the marriage is.

The posters children are two and a baby, it’s a long way off 8.

@Kahan another option is to have your toddler on a small mattress on the floor in your room. He’s still close to you and hopefully sleep well but it gives you closeness without him in the middle.

We slept with our boys no idea how we all fitted in the bed but we all got much better sleep. Just do what works for you. They grow up so fast!

Agree with this...all 'my babies' and 'my bed'.

Like others have said, it might be good at this point to look at getting the two year old into their own room. It's a natural stage of development as they grow towards greater independence, and would be nice for you and DH too, I imagine.

Your baby is fine where they are for the moment, I would think.

Try to stop worrying what your friends and your MIL think, it doesn't matter. Be led only by what is good for:
A) your kids
B) yourself, as a mom recovering from PND.
C) your husband.

Strictly in that order . This doesn't have an impact on anybody else, so their views are irrelevant, unless you actively seek their advice because you believe they can offer helpful insights.

@Kahan The other day I was speaking to a couple of friends and they ended up being really judgmental about wives that prioritise their kids over their husbands and almost using that to explain cheating.

This is a bit weird. Babies are only helpless for a few years until they become small children. I'm not sure why men would have difficulty enduring those rough years until things improve, given that it's only for a short period of time.

For me and my husband it isn’t just a sex issue having kids in the bed. It’s cuddle/ chats/ winding down together that we can’t do when co sleeping.