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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To think that people treat me badly because of my looks?

131 replies

Ethina · 24/10/2025 00:32

Today a man screamed at me and my two friends after we attenpted to move a chair in a cafe which accidentally bumped into his chair. Literally that. He said ‘you need to stop, stop stop stop stop stop’ to me, he repeated that around ten times, then shouted ‘shut up’ to my friend when she interjected. He then shouted a few more things before he went back to work on his laptop. It was surreal. We’re all in our fifties and sixties, he was probably around 30.

The guy was huge, he was wearing the uniform of a nearby gym and it turns out he is an instructor there. I assume he felt completely comfortable raising his voice to us, knowing that he would not be challenged on his behaviour.

I feel like this sort of thing is happening more often than it used to. Maybe not to the level of shouting or intimidation like today, but people are unfriendly much quicker than they used to be, over trivial matters. My only theory is that it’s because I’ve aged, and often look scruffy and tired. I don’t think I’ve changed how I interact with people, the only thing that’s changed over the years is my appearance. If anything I try to be as polite and friendly as possible these days. I don’t think I’m being more sensitive than I used to be. I’ve lived in the same area for a long time so I have a basis for comparison over time.

My mother used to say that you turn invisible at a certain age - I don’t mind invisible, but being treated unkindly (or worse) over nothing is a step too far.

My looks: I won’t post a picture but I look my age, average weight, usually dressed in non fashionable trainers and a tracksuit, I don’t do botox or manicures, don’t wear much make up, don’t do my hair, look tired. Harassed looking but clean probably sums it up. Shouldn’t be causing the above but nothing else could possibly be going on.

OP posts:
BruFord · 24/10/2025 23:02

Slightyamusedandsilly · 24/10/2025 22:52

I'm guessing you're in denial about your age.

The OP and her friends are in their 50s & 60s.

@Slightyamusedandsilly Are people in their 50’s and 60’s elderly? Older adults, yes, but elderly at 55?

What’s an 85-year-old then?!

AndOnAndOn1000 · 24/10/2025 23:56

No definitely not your looks.

It was very irrational behaviour.

The guy’s been taking too many steroids, or he’s got MH problems.

TestingTestingWonTooFree · 25/10/2025 10:00

I’d complain to the gym and be ready to post their response on the local Facebook group so that their customers can see what they’re signing up for. Arsehole.

Icannoteven · 25/10/2025 10:05

I would assume a bad case of roid rage in this scenario.

However, I recognise everything you are saying re. people treating you different if you are dressed down or overweight - I have noticed that I get treated very differently depending on how I present myself/ weight fluctuations. It’s depressing, isn’t it?

I also believe that people have become more short tempered and less kind since Covid. I would be really interested in finding out why - whether it’s general life stress, trusting each other less, less social interaction etc.

Zempy · 25/10/2025 10:18

I’m in my sixties and I would never have thought this mans behaviour was anything to do with me. He sounds like a basic nutter.

Forget him. Think instead about what you could do to improve your own self esteem. 💐

cakedup · 25/10/2025 10:20

Whether looks have anything to do it is immaterial and his problem, not yours.

I'm in my 50s and what I have noticed is that I'm more likely to be confronted by men when I'm out without my dp. Sounds obvious, but just shows the mindset of these bullies.

So for example, man in his 30s once shouted at me, calling me selfish for not moving down the carriage on the tube (It was packed, I was getting off next stop and felt claustrophobic and was having a hot flush. Also, i can stand where i want). I can guarantee he would not have said a word if dp was there. That bothers me more than if he was less likely to say something if I was young and beautiful.

What I do appreciate about being older and plainer is less attention from pervs. No longer on their radar. Totally freeing.

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