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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To keep my toddler away from ex

104 replies

gratefulmumm · 23/10/2025 14:01

In a nutshell - I'm divorced but living with my new partner of 3 years - I have a son with my ex and a toddler with my new partner. A couple of evenings a week my ex comes to pick up my eldest.. when he's leaving he will get shoes on, coat etc and my ex and I will talk admin re our son.. my toddler follows me everywhere at the moment and will follow me to the door when this all takes place . My current partner has voiced that he doesn't want our toddler having any kind of relationship with my ex even chatting or saying hello (there has never been anything untoward with my ex he just doesn't want them to have a relationship. My partner wants me to keep the toddler away from my ex and the door.. so I spend most of my time saying goodbye to my eldest trying to remove my toddler who just
runs back every time.

Meanwhile my ex is in the kitchen listening and if I don't successfully manage to keep him away I get looks or comments..

I find it very hard and quite stressful to keep my toddler away while also saying goodbye to my son. My partner doesn't think it's unreasonable and thinks it's something he's asked of me to show my loyalty to him. AIBU?

OP posts:
Spicynoodlesheal · 23/10/2025 14:03

Your partner is unreasonable and quite controlling.

ArtTheClownIsNotAMime · 23/10/2025 14:03

Massive red flags from your boyfriend. I'll take a guess he's jealous and controlling in other ways too?

Badgersandfoxes · 23/10/2025 14:03

Well if he feels so strongly he can come get his toddler instead of standing there doing nothing.

smallchange · 23/10/2025 14:04

Demanding shows of "loyalty" makes your current partner sound pretty unattractive.

TheatricalLife · 23/10/2025 14:04

He's being an absolute knob head.
Also, if he's that bothered, why doesn't he take the toddler into another room and shut the door so he can't run up to you? He doesn't want you talking to your ex, that's the real issue.

slashlover · 23/10/2025 14:05

Why doesn't your partner take your toddler while you're doing handover? He's not doing it deliberately so he can treat you poorly.

ComtesseDeSpair · 23/10/2025 14:05

He’s being completely unreasonable, and he’s not thinking of his son’s wellbeing or the impact that this is going to have on either his own son or your older son in the long term. What’s it eventually going to extend to? DS1 must never talk about his father in the house? Whether he likes it or not, your younger DS has an older brother who has a father of his own. DS2 and your ex don’t need to have a close relationship but the idea that DS2 has to be hidden away from him because your new partner is jealous you’ve had sex with somebody else previously is utterly bonkers.

GardenGaff · 23/10/2025 14:05

Then your partner needs to be entertaining the toddler and keeping them out of the way, rather than hiding in the kitchen stewing about it.

Hoppinggreen · 23/10/2025 14:07

If your Partner is so bothered he can entertain the toddler while you do handover but unless there is something VERY wrong with your Ex your Partner is being a total Dick

MissMoneyFairy · 23/10/2025 14:07

I can see it from your current partners pov but it's not realistic, your children are half brothers, keeping them all separate will make your toddler think there's something wrong with him, it's OK for your new partner to have a relationship with your first bub not the other way round, what does he say about that. Is your ex ok with your child living with the new partner.

BadgernTheGarden · 23/10/2025 14:07

Surely you give your toddler to your partner to entertain for a few minutes while you say goodbye to your older son. Easy.

youalright · 23/10/2025 14:09

Why would you allow someone to dictate to you what you can and can't do in your own home with your own children.

PevenseygirlQQ · 23/10/2025 14:09

Your partner is a pathetic baby. I hope he treats your other DS well!

If it irritates him so much then he can watch your toddler, or does he like to create non-existent problems on purpose?

Abracadabrador · 23/10/2025 14:09

Tell your boyfriend he is free to take his kid to another room if he wants.

He needs to work on his problem with inadequacy and insecurities until he stops requiring a girlfriend loyalty performance.

Ridiculous man.

Vaxtable · 23/10/2025 14:10

Your partner sounds nuts. However if he doesn’t want them having a relationship instead of hiding in the kitchen he should be looking after his child rather than leaving you to sort it

outerspacepotato · 23/10/2025 14:12

That's going to be nearly impossible. Your current partner is unreasonable and extremely controlling.

Your children are siblings. You have to co-parent with your ex and doing that will require you to be on each other's presence at times. Going to school events, plays, and so on, does your partner expect you to not interact? How does your partner treat your older child?

Tiswa · 23/10/2025 14:13

smallchange · 23/10/2025 14:04

Demanding shows of "loyalty" makes your current partner sound pretty unattractive.

Yep this is a huge red flag and isn’t reasonable at all

TreeDudette · 23/10/2025 14:13

Your partner is behaving litle a petty jealous little tyrant. He can mind the toddler if necessary. I would ignore this sort of silliness

WTFsmh12 · 23/10/2025 14:18

Got to admit this sounds a completely ridiculous request from your partner. Surely he could easily keep your toddler away from the front door if he feels like that. But if he’s not even doing that, then he’s deliberately causing a situation where he can act annoyed. 😡 this is a power move and a big red flag as your caught in between trying to keep the peace . Unfortunately from experience, this will only get worse if you try and set a boundary, ie he watches little one whist you sort the handover, he will gaslight you into thinking your request is the issue and be non compliant. IMO set the boundary,and watch the result,it will tell you more than you think. Wishing you the best

HedwigEliza · 23/10/2025 14:19

That’s outrageous behaviour from your partner. His behaviour is juvenile and immoral, and the ones most suffering are the poor children. Why do people have babies with these immature idiots who can’t get it together and park their petty jealousies?

Driftingawaynow · 23/10/2025 14:19

Omg what a total prick your partner is. No no no, this will make handover stressful for your older child and create weirdness. You have to put your foot down about this, it’s a huge red flag.

Widower2014 · 23/10/2025 14:20

gratefulmumm · 23/10/2025 14:01

In a nutshell - I'm divorced but living with my new partner of 3 years - I have a son with my ex and a toddler with my new partner. A couple of evenings a week my ex comes to pick up my eldest.. when he's leaving he will get shoes on, coat etc and my ex and I will talk admin re our son.. my toddler follows me everywhere at the moment and will follow me to the door when this all takes place . My current partner has voiced that he doesn't want our toddler having any kind of relationship with my ex even chatting or saying hello (there has never been anything untoward with my ex he just doesn't want them to have a relationship. My partner wants me to keep the toddler away from my ex and the door.. so I spend most of my time saying goodbye to my eldest trying to remove my toddler who just
runs back every time.

Meanwhile my ex is in the kitchen listening and if I don't successfully manage to keep him away I get looks or comments..

I find it very hard and quite stressful to keep my toddler away while also saying goodbye to my son. My partner doesn't think it's unreasonable and thinks it's something he's asked of me to show my loyalty to him. AIBU?

Tell your partner to get off his useless arse and entertain HIS child whilst you sort your eldest child going with his dad

ThatCleverCoralCrow · 23/10/2025 14:20

Jealous partner. Ick!

Arlanymor · 23/10/2025 14:22

Have you ever asked him why he doesn't want your child to have a cordial relationship with the father of his half-brother? How absurd. You have said there are no issues with your ex, so as far as I can tell this is just controlling behaviour. If he's really got an issue with it then he can entertain the toddler rather than lurking behind the door trying to 'catch you out'. Buy him a dictionary for Christmas because he doesn't understand the meaning of the word loyalty - he's got it confused with jealousy. What a knob, honestly.

ilovelamp82 · 23/10/2025 14:22

Badgersandfoxes · 23/10/2025 14:03

Well if he feels so strongly he can come get his toddler instead of standing there doing nothing.

This. Or tell the controlling idiot to jog on.