To keep my toddler away from ex

[gratefulmumm]

In a nutshell - I'm divorced but living with my new partner of 3 years - I have a son with my ex and a toddler with my new partner. A couple of evenings a week my ex comes to pick up my eldest.. when he's leaving he will get shoes on, coat etc and my ex and I will talk admin re our son.. my toddler follows me everywhere at the moment and will follow me to the door when this all takes place . My current partner has voiced that he doesn't want our toddler having any kind of relationship with my ex even chatting or saying hello (there has never been anything untoward with my ex he just doesn't want them to have a relationship. My partner wants me to keep the toddler away from my ex and the door.. so I spend most of my time saying goodbye to my eldest trying to remove my toddler who just
runs back every time.

Meanwhile my ex is in the kitchen listening and if I don't successfully manage to keep him away I get looks or comments..

I find it very hard and quite stressful to keep my toddler away while also saying goodbye to my son. My partner doesn't think it's unreasonable and thinks it's something he's asked of me to show my loyalty to him. AIBU?

If your partner is in another room, why doesn't his child stay in the room with him? Why would you not do that if your partner doesn't want that contact? He has a right to say who his child meets.

Why would you want to have a disagreement when there is no need? It is the sort of thing that ends in misery for everyone. Surely you must realise that it is not acceptable to either your partner or his toddler?

Eventually, the toddler will want to know why your child is going out on a visit and not him. How will you explain that?

On the occasions when your partner cannot be in the house at the same time, it would be better for you to arrange a meeting outside, in a way that does not involve the toddler meeting your ex.

Who does this request serve? It doesn’t serve your DS who probably just wants everyone to get along, it doesn’t serve you because it makes life harder and more stressful than it needs to be, and it doesn’t serve your toddler who couldn’t care less if the man at the door is your ex.

I have older half siblings as both my parents were married before they met. My dad’s ex wife used to pop in if she was nearby and, as an adult, I’m friends with some of my half sibling’s other half siblings (from their dad’s second marriage). I now know there were tensions at times but it was all kept v much as an adult problem that never impacted any of us as children.

I know it’s an unusual set up but it’s been great for me; i had more people to love me and be my friend growing up, life is much easier because there’s no tension and it taught me that being an adult sometimes means putting other people’s needs first for the greater good. Your partner still needs to learn this lesson it seems.

Your partner is absolutely pathetic - and if he feels so strongly about this, why is HE not entertaining the toddler whilst you say bye to your eldest?

But then he won't be able to listen to their conversation and berate OP afterwards. He's abusive.