To wonder if charging people to attend a party is normal?

[SittingOnIt]

DC will be 5.

They are having a party in a hall. With a lunch castle, that type of set up

I have a text (WhatsApp) from the mum who invited us asking for a deposit of £5 for the Papa John’s pizza. And if DC had allergies, could we please send over the money for her own personalised small pizza?

Not a joke. But I thought it was some sort of odd text scam. Then realised it couldn’t be, as it was about the party? Same text style as the woman

Is this normal, to charge for birthday food now? Seems very, very odd!

Dessert is cake and no cost there requested. My own mum would be in fits of laughter to be told someone was hosting a party and charging for food

I wouldn't go and would be thinking about whether I want to continue this friendship. This just seems like someone who is going to be a difficult person to get on with.

A deposit would imply that's only part of the cost of the pizza so that needs to be clarified.
I think it's not on though. If they can't afford it they should host a smaller party.

Don't order papa johns! Just go to Aldi and not expect parents to pay.

Honestly I think it's more rude to accept an invite and then to decide on the day that you just can't be bothered!
And even if it's just cheap pizzas, sandwiches whatever it's still wasting the hosts money by not turning up.
And in my case I made it known to the parents beforehand that I needed to know for definite if they were going as I needed to pay for each child, their skates and skate aid in advance!
In fact the girl who didn't know an ice rink would be cold actually had her party there a few months later and in the playground the next morning the mum was complaining about the amount of no-shows they'd had and the money she'd wasted.
As I said maybe if people started taking a small payment from parents that they'd get back if they turned up it would stop people from taking the piss and saying they'll be going but then deciding on the day they just can't be bothered?

Oh, I completely agree that it's rude to accept an invitation and then not turn up - unless genuinely incapacitated by illness etc.

But I still don't think the host charging is a reasonable response to this. I think it's just one of the costs of hosting that you accept when you decide to host.

Maybe this parent has hosted parties before and people on the day have just decided not to turn up? Because regardless of whether it's papa John's pizza or cheap Aldi pizza it's still a cost to the host, that is people weren't flakey could go to extra gifts or a special day out for their child.
Maybe by taking a deposit for the food she thinks it'll guarantee people turn up - or maybe she doesn't want the money at all but is looking to weed out the flakes before buying food!

May have already been suggested, but playing Devils Advocate, the use of deposit makes me wonder if you pay and then turn up you'll get that back. Still very weird and not the norm.

But there was a thread on here from a bride where people agreed she should be asking her flakey friends to pay a deposit for their wedding meal in case they didn't turn up. Surely this is no different? It's people who are saying yes to something going to the cost and time of organising everything and then people not turning up.
There was another thread where someone had catered a bouncy castle party at a community hall for their child and out of 30 yeses to the invite only 4 turned up and she was praised for sending invoices for the wasted food etc to the 26 parents whose kids didn't turn up. Surely asking for a refundable deposit is no different?

Are you sure that it isn't a scam?
Don't send any money; just bring cash on day in case it wasn't a scam..

Sorry just reading through the thread at present so don't know if anyone else has suggested this
but I would definitely be declining the invitation.

Call me cynical and tight - 😁 - but methinks mummy is going to make a profit from this "Party". 🤨

I wonder if it’s to assure that the people who say they are attending do actually attend and if they don’t then at least she isn’t out of pocket for ordering the food that will be wasted. She may refund any payments on the day of the party to the people that go to the party. So many people nowadays seem to rsvp to say they will attend and then just not bother and it is so rude and puts the host out of pocket.

if it is just a case of asking people to pay so that she doesn’t have to foot the bill then that is a bit odd and not something I’ve come across but if it is the only way she can afford to throw a party for her kid I would feel a bit miserly not to pay if I can afford to.

I wonder if they've had issues before with people just not showing up and then no show children being catered for. So maybe its to try and prevent that. Why not just ask the mum directly. I think creating a WhatsApp group with some mums to discuss another mum is a bit shitty to be honest and could come across badly if it gets back to the party mum. Why not just ask her directly if it's a deposit does that mean there's an additional cost on the day or how is it all working as you haven't come across this before. She may tell you you'll get your fiver back when your kid turns up who knows.

I didn't see the wedding thread, but I agree it's no different - it sounds equally rude.

As for sending invoices to the parents who didn't attend a kids' party? Well, I suppose it would make the point, but it would also make you look a bit of a twat.

It is undoubtedly rude to accept an invitation and then not turn up, but personally, I think you have to accept this risk as a host. Or only invite people who you trust not to let you down.

Meant to add my reason for being so cynical.

£5 deposit suggests the cost per child will be much more on the day. Without a fixed price its giving her license to charge whatever.🤨

For those kinder souls than me suggesting the deposit may just be to ensure everyone turns up and refundable when they do, I strongly feel she would have stated this if that was the case.

I find this really odd. I went to a party in a hall of dcs friend in reception, family very clearly struggling for cash and they didnt even charge.
I wouldnt set up a group chat about her though, either you want to pay or you don't. Don't drag others into it and be a gossip.

That’s insane. I wouldn’t be going

No it's not normal at all and it is a odd. But I wouldn't be so quick to judge. Is the family strapped for cash and mum is trying to give her child a party? Is the mum just not well versed in party etiquette?

Obviously there's a chance she's just being a CF. But I'd try to understand why before jumping to CF.

This is really weird - charging for food at a party?! 🤨

I wouldn't set up a separate group chat for other parents, just in case the hosts get wind of it - this may cause more trouble than it is worth. I would just have a quiet word with a couple of the other parents to gauge their response to this whole charging malarkey.

My three DC have all had various parties over the years, ranging from ones at home with a few friends, to hiring somewhere and paying for the catering and entertainment to be provided.

If money is an issue for the parents, they really should have planned this party better, as opposed to charging parents to bring their child and eat.

If money is not an issue, they are clearly tight fisted CF's and I would give them a swerve in the future!

This wouldn’t bother me.

Maybe she’s asking for a deposit by way of ensuring people attend on the day? Which will be very controlling and contrived…and still frugal.

It is terribly crass and bad manners but perhaps pay so your kid can have a couple of hours of fun and just give a token gift, like a colouring book and cheap pens.

I definitely would not do this. It will be screen shot and sent back to the host/ess as fast as you can say ‘WhatsApp’ and you’ll be tarred as the kind of woman who speaks behind backs.
The host/ess would then feel totally cr@ppy about his/herself so it will cause no end of upset.

Bring it up casually as the school gate to gage people’s opinions: ‘Who is going to X’s party?’

You really don't want to get involved in that nonsense. If everyone else drops out you'll end up with a huge bill because this is only the deposit.

I would just say "Oh I am really sorry. I realise we are actually busy that day so we won't be able to come after all. Hope xxx has a great time!"

Very odd. I think I'd suddenly realise I was double booked...

I wouldn’t do group chat but I would ask a few others what their take is on it, it is weird, if you’re planning on getting a gift or cash in card of say £10 I’d put £5 in the card instead and pay the £5 & speak to the other parents about their plans, also is that all she’s asking or is it more on arrival, saying that now when she says deposit maybe it’s refundable when your child arrives and she’s taking it so as not to be out of pocket if kids don’t attend and she’s too much pizza and she’s out of pocket over it. Reply back and ask her is it a refundable deposit just to guarantee the child attends as you’ve ever had to pay towards party food before so you’re a little confused. Me personally, I’m typically the one who just acts stupid but will text back and ask why as it’s usually the host provides the food when they invite kids to party 😂 That’s why I’m typically the one bitched about but truth is the rest are all thinking the same but won’t speak up 😂😂

That’s just the risk you take, you can’t order “expensive” pizza then ask the party goer’s to pay for it, get a cheaper pizza, once they’re fed who cares but asking parents to pay for a party YOU are hosting is bloody rude AF & also extremely stingy if you’re willing to ask people for money for YOUR child’s party that YOU choose to have!! 😂😂