To wonder if charging people to attend a party is normal?

[SittingOnIt]

DC will be 5.

They are having a party in a hall. With a lunch castle, that type of set up

I have a text (WhatsApp) from the mum who invited us asking for a deposit of £5 for the Papa John’s pizza. And if DC had allergies, could we please send over the money for her own personalised small pizza?

Not a joke. But I thought it was some sort of odd text scam. Then realised it couldn’t be, as it was about the party? Same text style as the woman

Is this normal, to charge for birthday food now? Seems very, very odd!

Dessert is cake and no cost there requested. My own mum would be in fits of laughter to be told someone was hosting a party and charging for food

Then do sandwiches? Much cheaper.

I think you would be doing them a favour by pointing out that it isn't usual to ask for financial contributions to a party and that a lot of people will probably decline the invitation.

I feel sorry for the birthday child here.

They may just be having a laaarrrrffff.
Sounds like a scam to me so someone can trouser the deposit money.

Report them if you are worried.

Then her kid doesn’t get a party. Invite a friend for a fun cheap dinner of pancakes.

Charging guests for hospitality is grim.

That’s far fetched and still no excuse to be calling prospective guests to demand money.

Reply and say "Money's a bit tight this month and I hadn't expected we'd need to pay for our own food as well as bring a gift. We'll bring our own pizza seeing as the supermarket ones are only a couple of quid. Anyone else interested on doing the same?"

It isn't far fetched at all.

From what OP said, she didn't sound demanding and people are capable of saying no.

My thought is that people might decide to pay but then not bring a gift. Poor kid.

If you can't afford a party without charging guests, what's wrong with inviting a few friends instead?

My parents would have been mortified asking for money.

You cook the pizzas before, have you literally never been to a kids party before? Or does Tarquin only get invited exclusive hire package parties with gourmet chefs working in their own restaurant kitchens.

Strange, people have managed this all my life despite living in a poor area and virtually no one driving before the 2000s (hell, in my old town I still dont know anyone with a car). Even many weddings where hosted in the same cold buffet in the local hall/pub room format with everyone piling on the bus with arms full off stuff to be moved.

Its hilarious that its always 'better off' people who plead poverty, have ZERO basic problem solving skills and feel entitled to better option than they can afford.

Imagine thinking charging your guests money is less tacky than just 'slumming it' by doing a cheaper option you can afford.

Proper 'Choosey Begger' shit.

My daughter has recently been invited to a joint softplay party, you book yourself on and they are buying food.

I was loathed to buy two children birthday gifts when it’s cost me £15 to attend. I honestly don’t know how people have the audacity.

I would just ask her what she means by deposit. It sounds like she's going to ask for more money later

I would ask if there is any further payment, as deposit sounds like a first payment! It is strange, and something I wouldn't ask, however £5 for some food and a fun party isn't bad in the scheme of things, maybe the mother is being tight, or maybe she over committed and is struggling. Either way if you can afford it I'd go.

No it’s not normal. I probably wouldn’t accept on principle. Or buy a rubbish gift

papa johns pizza is expensive which is why most people offer 5 year olds a ham sanger and wotsits

when my child was in reception year, they went to 20+ parties. Nobody charged. They’re CF if their kid has attended loads of parties and is now charging for theirs

Nobody expects Papa Johns.

maybe because they’re one of the eldest they don’t know how parties are going to pan out

Unbelievable

Absolute cheek.

Probably because, as you can see from the amount of people on this thread telling her to just pay it, they know they’ll get some people paying it.

That’s really rude and also just strange.

i would just pay it and buy a cheaper gift but odd.

So if the deposit is £5 how much is the full contribution? I mean surely children this young won’t be eating a whole pizza each… 1 or 2 slices and a slice of cake after…. Or are you all also covering the cost of the hall and bouncy castle?

I’d be upfront and ask if she’s just asking for a deposit to prevent kids not turning up and that’s refundable or if you’re actually expected to pay for your child to attend a party?
This is nonsense… I wouldn’t set up a WhatsApp to discuss with other parents as a group, I would message people privately though and just ask if this normal and see what responses you get…. Just an innocent ‘hey Miranda, I’m new to this party business and just wondered if it’s normal to pay for our child’s attendance? And is this instead of buying a present do you think?’ From @SittingOnIt

Yeah for me it’s either pay £15 to attend OR buy gifts… they wouldn’t be having their party paid for and a gift… no way!

My Balkan soul is dying of shame on her behalf!

and if you don't have 'everyone' to pile on the bus with arms full of stuff to be moved? It can make things tricky and awkward.

I just can't begrudge £5 for a child to have a party like their friends will probably be having. It's just a bouncy castle hall party with pizza.

Bags and boxes exist. I just did my DS party and it was 3 shopping bags, I'm disabled and even I could carry that if needed.

Also its not £5 its a £5 DEPOSIT and this is that promotes the awful 'Keeping up with Jones' where people out do each other and others feel they then have to 'match it' and the base expectation gets driven up removing from most poorer peoples ability. Seriously don't be THAT person (but you clearly already are as you think this is normal and the minimum expectation of a party they have to have to equal others. So you already expect an insane amount out of checks notes a 5 year olds birthday party).

It's a bouncy castle at a hall with pizza. It's hardly anything fancy.

and it would be easy to ask about the deposit if you're so inclined. It could be as simple as the child's mother getting tired of people not bothering to RSVP but then still showing up and expecting the child to be fed. They may even get the deposit back.

I don't think a bouncy castle with pizza is having too much expectations for a 5 year olds party. It's just a standard birthday party. I'd agree with you if they were charging £25 per child for something elaborate.

Bit of an awful update, I’m afraid. Another child heard their own parents talking about how cheeky or whatever else this mum was and they apparently started laughing at the poor child… So I’ve heard from other mums, including those whose child has been told off for joining in (my DC has been off sick). I didn’t realise children could be so mean at such a young age? But I guess they do repeat everything!

Anyway, party cancelled. The mum appears to have blocked everyone on WhatsApp but I can see I’m still not blocked so I am going to message

Again, all he said she said, but one woman from our group said she was clearly very shaky and nervous to show her face this morning

Feel bad now. It was a very, very odd and silly request to make for a child’s birthday party. But this outcome is even worse and makes me feel a bit sad