To wonder if charging people to attend a party is normal?

[SittingOnIt]

DC will be 5.

They are having a party in a hall. With a lunch castle, that type of set up

I have a text (WhatsApp) from the mum who invited us asking for a deposit of £5 for the Papa John’s pizza. And if DC had allergies, could we please send over the money for her own personalised small pizza?

Not a joke. But I thought it was some sort of odd text scam. Then realised it couldn’t be, as it was about the party? Same text style as the woman

Is this normal, to charge for birthday food now? Seems very, very odd!

Dessert is cake and no cost there requested. My own mum would be in fits of laughter to be told someone was hosting a party and charging for food

Why would being confrontational help ops child out? Her child could be ostracized from future class parties or playdates and playground would be so awkward. We really shouldn’t start fights with our children’s friends parents it’s awful behaviour. We can goad about being better brought up than them to our own friends, or on Mumsnet

That’s definitely unusual, and it really shouldn’t become a thing. I wouldn’t skip the party as I’d be curious to see how it all plays out, but I wouldn’t pay the food deposit either. I’d take food/snacks and drink along for my child.

I definitely wouldn’t do this, it will go back to the birthday child’s mother and create unnecessary drama.

This is a very good point actually. It's a nightmare trying to cater for something like this when it could be 3 kids or 33.

Although it's odd, I'd just pay the fiver.

I would message and ask what they mean by a deposit as you aren’t familiar with that at all kids party. And see what they reply.

The depending on what the explanation is I’d decide what to do. And absolutely I’d have already messaged the people I know well with a WTF message!

if I’m hosting as party it would never even cross my mind to charge people. I’ve always been taught that if you’re inviting you pay… some people are unreal…. If you can’t afford it don’t have it..

I'd reply in the group chat thanking her for the invitation and asking her to explain how much the party will be costing per child and when it needs paying. Surely everyone else will be wondering. If this mum is sure that what she's doing is reasonable, she won't mind clarifying. If not, she might feel a bit sheepish, but that won't be your fault.

Absolutely NOT normal.

Oh come on, some people are showing their privilege here!
Don’t make assumptions about the birthday child’s parents being CFers, how about being decent and quiet and paying it? can you imagine the embarrassment of asking other parents to pay?
And for the sake of the kids who probably don’t understand or care what normal has been so far, don’t make a scene. Don’t you remember being young & the kid at school who was always without stuff?

No. I know you don't mean any harm but it comes off bitchy AF.

"Hey, no pizza for Johnny, see you Saturday!)"

Deposit also implies youll have a balance. I think its weird. She could have always just put on a few tesco pizzas if money is the issue

Extremely odd. I feel like nowadays people often seem to forget that celebrations are entirely optional and if you don’t have the money to host one you don’t have to

I think it is CF to invite people to a party then say theres a deposit.

I think at the invitation stage you say, this is the party X is included. Some of the kids have mentioned wanting a Papa John's but unfortunately I cant afford this as well but thought id suggest if any parents wanted to chip in £Y ill get DP to pick them up for anyone wanting to join in. Thanks for understanding.

If it was one of those wedding invites where guests are asked to pay for the meal wed all think CF.

I think its massively CF to invite people to a party you cant afford and after people accept casually message for a deposit.

For goodness sake don't set up a group chat to talk behind the host's back about it!

Can you please tell me how that would be classed as “confrontational” 🤣🤣🤣

Are you the type of person to be “left shaken” at a simple text message?

A lot of assumptions being made here. It's the easiest thing to clutch our pearls about the cheeky-fuckery/gaucheness of the party hosts, and maybe they are indeed one or the other. Or maybe they just want a commitment before they order in pizza for 30 kids in case only 7 of them show up. Either way, none of it is the birthday child's fault. Just ask the host.

Not normal. Can't afford party, don't have party. Or at the very very least explain what you're doing at the invitation stage.

@Laura95167 I know someone who charged guests to go to her wedding. It was 10+ years ago, and she asked for £25ph for the evening reception. Thankfully I wasn’t invited.

It's not common but I wouldn't begrudge paying a fiver for my kid to go and have a fun afternoon with friends and get pizza. What's worse you paying £5 or a kid having a crap birthday with no one showing up to the party because his mum asked for a small contribution?

Not something I’ve ever experienced or would do, but wouldn’t bother me. I’d assume they wanted to secure numbers or they were tight on money. Either way wouldn’t faze me, afternoon out for my child - I’m paying for her to eat. No drama.

£5 is only the deposit, she'll probably be looking for more money on the day.

I never would have charged, but it seems like I'm one of the few who has once been asked to pay. Think she only wanted us to pay for the centre, not food, but we didn't go so who knows?
I have heard a lot of parents say they want to charge though, for all the people who say they're coming and don't turn up, or don't let you know so you have to pay for them anyway.
This seems to be much more common, another mum I know who had her first kid in 2005 says people are much ruder these days than the parents she knew back then (and no, I don't think she means I'm one of the rude ones as I'd always reply and turn up unless there was an emergency), so whether people are just trying to make sure they're not stuck with a bill because parents can't be bothered, I don't know.
Wasn't there a wedding recently where they charged guests to attend?

Ask the parent who has sent the WhatsApp directly.
Is more money required for the party as you need to check finances, as the £5 required is a deposit so how much is the full amount

Wedding meals are for adults and also aren't going to be £5 and for pizza.

It's a bouncy castle and pizza for a 5 year old child.

Absolute joke!