To wonder if charging people to attend a party is normal?

[SittingOnIt]

DC will be 5.

They are having a party in a hall. With a lunch castle, that type of set up

I have a text (WhatsApp) from the mum who invited us asking for a deposit of £5 for the Papa John’s pizza. And if DC had allergies, could we please send over the money for her own personalised small pizza?

Not a joke. But I thought it was some sort of odd text scam. Then realised it couldn’t be, as it was about the party? Same text style as the woman

Is this normal, to charge for birthday food now? Seems very, very odd!

Dessert is cake and no cost there requested. My own mum would be in fits of laughter to be told someone was hosting a party and charging for food

Or it's just a deposit for food so 20 people don't ignore the RSVP and then randomly turn up expecting food and party bags for their child.

No one is entitled to a birthday party, but you shouldn’t be throwing a party that is beyond your means. I am sure they could
get a few frozen pizzas and brought over instead .

I’d reply along the lines of ‘sorry I wasn’t aware this was a paid for event, as I thought you were hosting! We’ll have to decline I’m afraid - hope you have a lovely day.’

I think it's appalling.

YANBU

Party mother is a CF. If you can't afford ro host a party, then don't throw one.

I'd be inclined to decline the invitation.

Plus, Papa John's pizza is boakworthy.

This has reminded me about a party my 8yo dd went to recently, the party mum gave my dd her phone to call me to say she couldn’t eat the food provided because of her allergies. No offer to get something else. The same party mums first party we were ever invited to was the most disorganised event, bouncy castle and dj in a village hall, some tea and coffee a bit of juice, not enough cups then the grandparents left half way through and brought back half a dozen pizzas for 30plus kids, no checks on what everyone could eat and the party family also got stuck in so kids missed out.

I thought given the amount of times we gone to parties together, hosted each others children, my DDs had sleep overs there, that I didn’t think I needed to remind her of my DDs allergies, especially given one of her DCs has the same.

It really pissed me off at the time as my dd had a party at the same venue literally one week earlier on the same package so I know for a fact there were plenty of food options available.

Any way, no this is not normal, I wouldn’t pay. If you want to say you will bring your own food and see what they say to that.

If they can't afford it themselves then they shouldn't be planning that sort of food.

Hi Jean, received text but rather puzzled. Have never before been asked for payment to attend child's party. Is this a miscommunication? Please advise.

If the parents want to avoid being embarrassed, all they have to do is not throw a party they can't afford.
Nobody is forcing them to have a bouncy castle and pizza for the entire class.

Cheap party options are limited in October/November. It sounds like they are doing one of the cheapest options and since it's Reception, most seem to be full class parties at that age.

It's definitely not normal (4 kids and eldest is a teen- never been charged for a party) but if it's your first time, is it their first time hosting and they just have no idea? Awkward

Never met it and have 3 children. I would pass that party.

I've never been charged for my child to attend a birthday party. I would find this odd and assume that the parents were either hard up or being cheeky.

That said, I'd still accept the invitation for the child's sake. It might be really upsetting for them if not many people come to their birthday party.

Don't ask that, she might say yes

@SittingOnIt Yeah absolutely this from @Solaire18381!

Not normal at all to charge for a party IMO!
I’m hosting a hall/bouncy castle party for 5yo DC this weekend (I promise I’m not pizza mum 😂) and there will be a buffet for the kids (25 coming to it) - sandwiches, sausage rolls, fruit, biscuits, crisps, fruit shoots etc. Tea/Coffee/Soft Drinks and biscuits for the parents.
If I couldn’t afford to throw a party for DC without asking for payment from guests then they wouldn’t be having a party or they’d be having a smaller number of friends invited to do something cheaper.

Please don't start a chat group!

You might have to do a bit of fishing at pick up time to see if everyone received the same message. Perhaps some received this in the hope they would decline the invite.

It's all a bit odd though.

If you can't afford a party, don't arrange one. But these days they seem to be an expectation for every year, rather than a treat every few years.

@RosesAndHellebores I do agree with just paying the £5 and letting the child have a nice party. I couldn’t decline an invitation over £5 (provided I could afford it) and have a child maybe upset over a lack of guests at the party.

I don’t know that I can see the mother not being parented well as an excuse to be honest. I never had a single birthday party as a child and my parents rarely allowed me to attend any other kids parties as they were very antisocial and didn’t like mixing with the other parents. We never have family occasions etc - eg, Christmas/birthdays etc was always just my parents and us - they wouldn’t even host grandparents or other close family.

My mum is beyond horrified that I’m throwing DC a party this weekend and other people are invited 🫠 I’m not charging people to eat!

@Fishingboatbobbingnight I do agree with the lack of manners - 20 invitations went out for DCs party last year - 3 text me within in the first week to confirm or decline, and the rest I had to chase up 3 weeks later. There were still 8 outstanding after being chased up - all of whom turned up, one bringing a sibling and one bringing a cousin (paid by head party and a closed venue so no option for parents to pay other kids in - cost me an extra £40).

Went for a hall party this year which I am catering so numbers don’t matter so much. 30 invites - 4 responded within the first week, all others have had to be chased weeks later. And typical response when I’ve chased has been “Of course, it went straight on the calendar - we wouldn’t miss it! X is really looking forward to it!” 🫠 Please let me know then 🫠

How many on this thread invited people to their weddings and had a pay bar? It isn't much of an extension to that really and yet so much vitriol.

Its not about the money. (Although its a £5 deposit so we've no idea on the balance)

Its about moving the goal posts. Ive never thrown a party and charged attendees, Ive never been invited to a party and charged, Ive never known anyone throw a party - regardless of whether its for adults, 5 year olds whatever - and charged. Collectively most of mn wouldn't expect to be charged for accepting a party invite. You throw the party your budget allows. And assuming OP cant afford the pizza (because why else after invites have gone would you charge it) then it cant be expected the parents can.

That said is £5 (assuming its just £5 not the remaining unknown balance) terrible for a kids party? Absolutely not.

But its cheeky to invite people and then tell them theres a charge. You say when you invite people and let them decide if it impacts their ability or willingness to attend

Of course it’s ‘much of an extension’ of a pay bar at a wedding. It’s nothing like a pay bar at a wedding.

It's not normal no. If they can't afford party (they're expensive!) then they don't have one.
My kids have only ever been invited to one "party" where invites were sent etc... when I RSVPd the mum then asked for £20 for him to attend... I declined.

I admit, I'd be surprised to receive that but I'd be absolutely amazed if this was a deposit with the balance payable on the day because the host can't afford the party situation 🙄

Far more likely its been done with a view to refunding it because the host doesn't want a) to pay for a load of pizzas and take the risk of people not turning up and the food being wasted (as per previous MN threads); b) have people not RSVP but turn up anyway when there isn't enough food (as per previous MN threads); or c) have people bring uninvited siblings and expect them to be catered for anyway (as per previous MN threads).

How. Invite people to a celebration you are hosting and expect people to boy their own drinks compared to inviting a child to a party and expecting them to pay for their food.

The principle is exactly the same. Look at this swanky venue/expensive bouncy castle but actually I can't afford it so the guests have to pay for food or drinks themselves.

I think it's strange but I'd still go and no wat would I set up a separate chat gossiping about her.

She said it was a deposit so perhaps she is going to refund it. This may be her third child and she may be sick of paying for people who then don't show so she's starting now getting deposits. That would make sense with the allergy pizza too.