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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To wonder if charging people to attend a party is normal?

309 replies

SittingOnIt · 22/10/2025 21:03

DC will be 5.

They are having a party in a hall. With a lunch castle, that type of set up

I have a text (WhatsApp) from the mum who invited us asking for a deposit of £5 for the Papa John’s pizza. And if DC had allergies, could we please send over the money for her own personalised small pizza?

Not a joke. But I thought it was some sort of odd text scam. Then realised it couldn’t be, as it was about the party? Same text style as the woman

Is this normal, to charge for birthday food now? Seems very, very odd!

Dessert is cake and no cost there requested. My own mum would be in fits of laughter to be told someone was hosting a party and charging for food

OP posts:
Fishingboatbobbingnight · 22/10/2025 22:24

I’m going to be charitable here. Could it be anything to with the appalling lack of manners in this generation of parents whereby an invitation is sent out and only about 3/30 actually reply .. and then 20 turn up when they have catered for 5 ? A deposit might actually galvanise people into not deciding a better offer came up.. and at least give the host parent an idea on numbers - and then if they don’t appear - not wasting money on piles of uneaten food ? Just an idea . Happened at one of my DGC parties when she was 5.

NattyKnitter116 · 22/10/2025 22:26

I thought this post was about Raves! But kids party, no! As another poster said, you have the party you can afford. When my child was 5 that was a picnic on the grass with some frisbees and balloons as that’s all I could afford. Kids had a great time. Crazy late stage capitalist stuff.

preparingforthepileon · 22/10/2025 22:26

LadeOde · 22/10/2025 21:05

Not normal at all. Some people have no shame.

Edited

Or no money!

Trunkintheloft · 22/10/2025 22:26

Not normal and totally cringe.

KookyRoseCrab · 22/10/2025 22:26

I would just say ( no coming to The Party ) but I would make sure to do something with your Daughter/son

arcticpandas · 22/10/2025 22:27

Very weird. If my dc really wanted to go I would pay and reduce the gift. If not I would make up an excuse. Can't stand CF.

DanceMumTaxi · 22/10/2025 22:27

My kids are 13 and 10 now, never once have we been asked to contribute to a party. Likewise we’ve hosted many parties and would never have dreamt of asking for money. This is one of the bizarre things I’ve heard in a long time.

preparingforthepileon · 22/10/2025 22:27

It’s not normal, no. However, if my kid got on with their kid, I’d see a few quid as money well spent. If you’re hard up, don’t go, that’s perfectly reasonable too.

SouthLondonMum22 · 22/10/2025 22:28

NattyKnitter116 · 22/10/2025 22:26

I thought this post was about Raves! But kids party, no! As another poster said, you have the party you can afford. When my child was 5 that was a picnic on the grass with some frisbees and balloons as that’s all I could afford. Kids had a great time. Crazy late stage capitalist stuff.

Did the birthday picnic with frisbees and balloons happen in October/November?

Unexpectedlysinglemum · 22/10/2025 22:31

This isn’t normal at all.
however, this are children and this is about your child’s social life, not yours.
if you can afford the £5 and your child wants to go, then I would pay it and take it off my present budget (just being a £4.99 book as present, or bubble bath or something) jf money is tight for you, you might also want to check if there will be any other costs to transfer first before you commit to attending.
£5 to have your child fed and entertained and socializing with their peer group is a bargain

I dont agree with the mums social skills here (if you can’t afford a party then do cake in the playground) but it IS happening so you should put your child first and don’t say anything to your child abut the parents being tight so as not to upset bday child

bridgetreilly · 22/10/2025 22:31

‘Oh, sorry, we thought it was a party. We won’t be joining you at the paid event. Have a great time!’

bridgetreilly · 22/10/2025 22:32

If everyone just goes along with it and pays, it absolutely will become normal. Don’t do it!

HotTiredDog · 22/10/2025 22:34

It’s not normal but it is perhaps a sign of the times - imagine that parents want a party for their child but can’t afford one & don’t want to let the child down. So they try this instead.
Not normal prior to the increase in the CoL but who knows, it may catch on!

Bearfan · 22/10/2025 22:34

I’m middle class and most of my kids class are too. There are some parents who are on the bones of their arse with kids in their class though. If they want their kid to have the same sort of party as all the others but can’t afford it, it wouldn’t bother me at all being asked to pay a contribution. The kids deserves a party as good as their friends party. Middle class parents can afford it.

Thats quite a specific situation though.

PeachySmile2 · 22/10/2025 22:37

How embarrassing for the hosts. Why on earth would they charge? They should not be hosting a party of that magnitude if they cannot afford it.

AbleMind · 22/10/2025 22:38

Very odd. If I couldn't afford to cater for a party, I would have it in the morning, and just offer snacks.

JeannieJo · 22/10/2025 22:38

I’d want to reply and say ‘sorry, I’m not sure what you mean - I thought for a minute you meant you wanted me to pay for the food at your child’s birthday party 🤣’

Sasha07 · 22/10/2025 22:38

I'd never ask for a penny towards something I'd organised for my child. Absolutely mental. Decline, the word deposit makes me think you'll be paying for the rest of your DC's meal too, I.e the full price of the pizza. If they can't afford to feed the guests, they shouldn't be organising something out of their budget. Unless you're happy to and are just shocked with the initial request.

I remember the days we'd just take a box of Malteasers with a few pound coins taped in the card. I was shocked when my kids were receiving £10s and £20s in their cards! Always happy to pay back the same amount in that case though. But charging guests... Psht, eff that.

idri · 22/10/2025 22:41

That’s really odd.

I wouldn’t set up a group chat, but I would message one of the Mums that you’re close ish too and ask if she’s had the same message.

CherrieTomaties · 22/10/2025 22:42

She’s a cheap skate cheeky fucker.

I’d message back “My child isn’t keen on pizza. I’ll send him/her with a packed lunch” and see what the mum responds with.

NewJobNewHours · 22/10/2025 22:43

Bearfan · 22/10/2025 22:34

I’m middle class and most of my kids class are too. There are some parents who are on the bones of their arse with kids in their class though. If they want their kid to have the same sort of party as all the others but can’t afford it, it wouldn’t bother me at all being asked to pay a contribution. The kids deserves a party as good as their friends party. Middle class parents can afford it.

Thats quite a specific situation though.

Totally agree. I would try not to judge the parents -maybe they are just desperate to give their child a party similar to their friends and this is the only way they can do it. Or maybe they are just new to kids parties and didn't think and will be super embarrassed when they realise. It you can afford it and your DC would like it, just go. Hopefully the birthday child will have a good party and not ever realise people thought it wasn't normal.

JustSawJohnny · 22/10/2025 22:43

Naaah, that's not OK.

If DC isn't that bothered I'd swerve it, I think.

Livpool · 22/10/2025 22:44

DS dislikes pizza so I wouldn’t be paying for one for him. If you can’t afford a party then don’t have one

Unexpectedlysinglemum · 22/10/2025 22:45

ps I don’t like how only the child’s mum gets the criticism the child’s dad should be paying for his child’s party too! But, as I said below, this is about a child’s social life not the adults friendship circle so don’t pull your child out of a party they’d enjoy if you can afford it just due fo
etuquette.
(I would take this back if mum sent a gift list round! I once got sent a bday invite from someone I’d only virtually met who was hosting a cake party in the park for her 2 year old and asked people to bring bits for a picnic… I didn’t mind that at all as it was a clearly stated that she wasn’t providing food for everyone … but then she gave a present list of girls clothes size 2-3, what kind of toys etc, that put me off going. However if my son was already friends with that little girl I’d have sucked it up)

Purplecatshopaholic · 22/10/2025 22:46

Jeezo what cheeky AF fresh hell is this? I wouldn’t be paying, or going. Have the party you can afford. If you can’t afford a party at all, then don’t have one..

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