To wonder if charging people to attend a party is normal?

[SittingOnIt]

DC will be 5.

They are having a party in a hall. With a lunch castle, that type of set up

I have a text (WhatsApp) from the mum who invited us asking for a deposit of £5 for the Papa John’s pizza. And if DC had allergies, could we please send over the money for her own personalised small pizza?

Not a joke. But I thought it was some sort of odd text scam. Then realised it couldn’t be, as it was about the party? Same text style as the woman

Is this normal, to charge for birthday food now? Seems very, very odd!

Dessert is cake and no cost there requested. My own mum would be in fits of laughter to be told someone was hosting a party and charging for food

Is it normal? No. Is it a reason for everyone to be saying to gleefully cancel, snigger at her or bitch with other mums? No.

Shes a human being. She either doesn’t know the expectations or can’t afford to pay or something else. Maybe she’s from another culture that does things differently.

If you can’t afford it tell her. If you can, pay so your kid can have fun. Even mention to her it was an unusual way of doing things if you must.

But please stop clutching your pearls over mums audacity.

The norm is that everyone puts on a party for their children’s friends in line with what they can afford. I think I would decline the invitation,
or I suppose pay the cash but not bring a gift.

This is completely out of order. Host pay for the party & food, never had this either.
I'd reply back and say sorry we won't be attending as I didn't realise I would have to pay for it.

Not normal in my experience, but as PP said above, maybe she promised a party but can't afford it, or just is otherwise clueless. I had people who never responded to dd's bday invitations, messaging 30 mins before to ask what time I was collecting their child! As already said, does your child want to go, and can you afford the £5 easily. And take if from there. Bitching about it with the other parents is not nice.

I would not go

It’s not anything I’ve experienced. Perhaps they haven’t got much money, I’d just pay it for the sake of the child so they get a party.

it might well not be normal, but a bit bonkers to stop your own kid having fun, and the birthday child, for the sake of a fiver.

so, not normal, but maybe they’re hard up, who knows.

id just pay it and not think anything more of it.

I agree with RosesAndHellebores - peculiar but also a bit sad. I would try to be charitable towards her unless you have an actual reason not to be. Perhaps she has never organised a big party before and doesn't understand what is the done thing? Lots of people don't do 'friends' parties before their child starts school. Or perhaps the hall and bouncy castle is already a financial stretch for her but she doesn't want her child not to have a proper party? Your DC won't eat more than 2 slices of pizza so £5 each will absolutely cover it. If you can afford to I would just suck it up for the sake of the birthday child. If you want clarification that £5 is the total cost then message directly rather than start a group which will quickly descend into criticising her.

I would just pay the £5 and if you must then take it off the value of the present. If it’s a full class party then I wouldn’t care. It’s nice to invite the full class and to be fair even though I wouldn’t do it and it isn’t the norm then who really cares. I would probably have a laugh with my closest mum, raise eyebrows and totally forget about it

Definitely don't start a group chat about it. Unless your kids are super best friends, I would say you are busy and can't attend - you can bet there will be other weird stuff going on around this party.

So weird. Our neighbours hold a Halloween party every year, and a couple of years ago they said they were always the ones to host (only because I don't think any of us would bother with Halloween otherwise!) at that time of year, so she was charging £10 per person.

Barely anyone - including us - went that year. They didn't charge again.

I thought it was so weird.. to charge people, but also a group of fully grown adults with no children celebrating Halloween anyway!

They always insist on costumes too. If we weren't next door and could get away with not going without falling out with them, we wouldn't go.

We're going next weekend..

Pizza and a party in a hall is hardly a luxury birthday party. If you can afford £5 for the pizza, I'd just pay it personally.

My children are adults now but we were never asked to pay to attend a party.
The closest we got to this was a party at a girl’s home where all the attendees were expected to bring a plate of food.
The hosts were probably one of the most affluent in the village judging by their house and cars, but I just found it amusing.
I did reduce what I spent on the gift a little to help cover the cost of the food though.

I’ve done two parties with food like that and the kids ate the crisps, veggies and popcorn and left the sandwiches. I have done two where I bought a couple of big Pizza Hut pizzas (not particularly expensive given it fed 25 kids) and cut them into squares, and the kids demolished them. Pizzas win I’m afraid!

Not normal at all as you’ve probably realised. I have attended loads of kid’s parties and never been charged. Also invited other kids to parties and I’ve never asked for payment. All turn up with a gift for the birthday child but that’s the only expense (and that’s really variable in terms of cost at that age depending on how well you know the child etc).

The word “deposit” suggests you’ll be charged more later! I would ask around and see what others think. It would be awful for the child if no one turned up! Is the child a good friend or is it a whole class party? If it is a whole class party they can get expensive, but as others have said if you cannot afford a party then don’t have one.

All parties that I have attended or invited, there has been party bags too. I guess you’re not getting one here!

Unless they’re really good friends, my initial thought would be to decline, but at the back of my mind, I’d be thinking about all those “no one came to my child’s party and they’re devastated” posts I’ve seen over the years. So I might go for the child’s sake. However I might clarify the full payment first! Find out if it’s going to be than £5 or more. Then

Not normal at all. Are they expecting you to pay more on the day as they are calling it a deposit? Or maybe you get it back if you turn up. Who knows.

Id pay it though if my DC wanted to go but I’d be spending less on the present.

If the family are well off I would be a bit put out but regardless , it's for a child's birthday who is probably very excited about it .
I would pay the fiver but give a smaller gift .

Please don't start a group chat to discuss !! How mean !

I have extended family who charges for dinner parties. I don't go. It's ridiculous, as is this parent. If you can't afford it, don't host anything.

But definitely no to the group chat. No need for that.

Quite possibly this is her first experience hosting a party and she has got it a bit wrong, if you can afford the money and your child wants to attend then go. Otherwise decline. Don't set up a group chat to bitch about the mum.

No this is not normal!! The host of the party should be paying for the food and if they can't afford to just do cake and a drink.
Id probably decline the invite or say sorry you can't make it anymore. It's really cheeky! Also what do they mean by deposit? What will you get charged for on the day!!

I'd just say 'no pizza thanks, we'll eat before we come'

It's probably to ensure people turn up.
They might be worried about parting with the money perhaps and all the waste etc if people don't bring their kids etc.
Never heard of it before though myself.

Just ask is the deposit refundable

It's for the CHILDREN that would be a bizarre response!

@SittingOnIt

no it's not 'normal' but I'd just pay it because my child would enjoy it and I wouldn't want the birthday child to miss out on their party.

id also get my child pick a present to take, no need to take the batshit behaviour out on the birthday child.

She hasn’t said she’s going to charge for the pizza, she’s asked for a “deposit” whatever that means. Do you think she forked out loads for a party a previous year and had a load of no shows?! Do you think it’s just to confirm numbers? It’s pretty mysterious so maybe there’s a bit more to it!