Cancelling First Date Help?!

[CheeseSandwich1]

I (late 20’s) met someone (late 30’s) on a dating app.

Talked, swapped numbers and a couple of days later he asked if I’d like to go on a date. I agreed and he suggested a very, very nice place. I let him know I didn’t expect to go somewhere like that for a first date but he said he was more than happy to go and that it would be ‘his treat’.

I now want to cancel the date. He seems lovely but I feel a bit inferior after talking more and my confidence is lacking. The only problem is I’ve looked on the website and he will have paid a hefty deposit to secure the booking. I feel awful if I cancel as he’ll lose that money.

What do I do?! Just go and get it over with?! Or cancel?!

why do you feel inferior?

Just go!

Fake it until you make it.

Why do you feel inferior? Just go, it’s his treat, he offered, go and enjoy it. There’s no obligation for it to become anything other than a nice night out.

It turns out he’s a wealthy businessman. From his dating profile it looked as if he had a ‘normal’ job but turns out he doesn’t do that job, he owns the company and more.

I just thought men like that would go for ‘Love Island’ type girls with lots of cosmetic surgery, tight clothes whereas I’m more of a natural look. I don’t even know what to wear?!?!

Why do you feel inferior? I think that's something you need to get to grips with if you intend on using OLD because it is not a place for the faint hearted. I would rip the bandaid off and just go - what's the worst that can happen? You have a middle-of-the-road date, a nice meal and then call it a day?

Don’t make judgements about him based on his job or how much money you think he has. Judge him on how he treats you on the date, how he speaks to you, whether you have chemistry.

You’re making assumptions and pre judging him
based on nothing.

Go on the date - it’s one evening of your life.

You never know you might actually enjoy it.

Are your online pics accurate?

This will be why he doesn't have his job on his profile. Because people judge him.

You liked him before you found out, he's still the same person.

Go and have fun!

If you read above you’ll see why! I’m normally ok, it’s just because he’s very wealthy. I have a very normal job, home and car. Wouldn’t he want someone more like him?!

That's not a nice judgement call to have made about him - that he's shallow just because he is successful. It's also patronising to assume that you know more about his taste in women based on some nasty stereotypes about Love Island contestants. Come on, you need to rearrange your thinking.

You don’t even know him, yet you are making huge judgments about him. You are making assumptions that he is shallow, because he’s got money. This is really unfair.

How about, instead of jumping to conclusions, you spend a bit of time (over dinner) finding out a big more about him.

If you look at the chronological order of the posts you will see that I posted before you updated - I'm not a mind reader. Neither are you, so stop second guessing what type of person he is likely to want. Let the man make his own choices and hold off judgements until you have spent some time in his company.

Yes. I don’t use filters and there’s a clear full length pic. I’m not saying I’m unattractive. I just have more of a natural look than girls I think he’d like?!

I tend to see wealthy men with girls who are more of a filler, botox, surgery, tighter clothes, fake lashes and dark tan. I’m more light tan, lash lift and a cashmere jumper!

Girrrlllll let me tell you. If he is that successful and well off then he is used to the love island type. He has lied on his profile to protect himself and try and catch the eye of someone down to earth and interesting. He’s come clean straight away so he’s not testing you he just wanted the initial interest not to be driven by money. Sounds like he’s maybe looking for the real deal and it doesn’t matter if you look like your from love island with lots of surgery because he clearly doesn’t want that but maybe just maybe have you stopped and thought ‘oh shit I’m actually a catch, let’s put myself first and go for it’

you need a confidence dress/outfit. Go online right now and order yourself something you think will make you feel confident and get next day delivery. And make sure you go.

He’s clearly got the money to spend so if it doesn’t work out then he’s not going to end up in the poor house. Go have a nice chat and see if you connect. What have you got to lose but get your ass out your comfort zone and go

Oh for heavens sake just go, have fun and stop making assumptions about him.

Don’t judge him.

go on the date. He could be christiangreyinrealife your perfect match

Put your big girl pants on and go on the date! Just see how it goes, he clearly would like to meet you otherwise he wouldn’t have suggested it. He has seen your pictures and has still asked you to go on a date. Don’t let your own insecurities ruin the chance of maybe finding something good. Take it bit by bit, it’s one date not a lifetime commitment at this point.

You are prejudging him, and stereotyping him. Be yourself, dress in whatever makes you comfortable and go see if he’s nice. Is he kind, polite, interesting, caring? If so maybe there’ll be a second date. Maybe he’s unpleasant and mean - in which case get out of there. But you’ll never know unless you go.
he’s not better than anyone else just because he has money. Remember you deserve the best - a man who treats you well, respects you (as a bare minimum) and who you can perhaps build a future with.
good luck on the date!

What they all said. You deserve at least one fancy Michelin star dinner in your life.

Have a great time, and maybe this will be the start of a beautiful relationship.

Let the poor bloke decide for himself what he's looking for, stop deciding he should want to be with 'love island Barbie dolls'. He WANTS to take YOU out for dinner. Thats all DINNER. Wear what you'd wear or a first dinner date with anyone, something that's YOU & you're comfortable in. Don't try to be 'love island barbie' if that's what he wanted, that's who he'd invite out.

youve been chatting, you clearly got on well... just go & see if you enjoy each others company in person. It's ONLY dinner!

Yes go! Get your hair done if you need a confidence boost; always helps!

I'd just go tbh. He's said he is willing to pay. But then again I'd rather someone listened to my preference. Rather than saying we're going anyway. Can you just pick somewhere else and offer it as your venue of choice? If he still insists on the fancy place I'd say it's a red flag and he might be quite domineering.

I’ve been to quite a few Michelin star places as food is my thing, hence him booking it! I just don’t feel comfortable with someone else paying for me but I also don’t want it to make it into a big thing!

I have no idea what to wear?! As I’m sure he’s used to tiny dresses and big heels - those girls look amazing but I’d look ridiculous!