Cancelling First Date Help?!

[CheeseSandwich1]

I (late 20’s) met someone (late 30’s) on a dating app.

Talked, swapped numbers and a couple of days later he asked if I’d like to go on a date. I agreed and he suggested a very, very nice place. I let him know I didn’t expect to go somewhere like that for a first date but he said he was more than happy to go and that it would be ‘his treat’.

I now want to cancel the date. He seems lovely but I feel a bit inferior after talking more and my confidence is lacking. The only problem is I’ve looked on the website and he will have paid a hefty deposit to secure the booking. I feel awful if I cancel as he’ll lose that money.

What do I do?! Just go and get it over with?! Or cancel?!

🤣

This made me chuckle lol. I must be a creature of the night as well haha. I will dab some concealer on any blemishes but that’s it! Ya take it or leave it! 😅

Nooo way!! Go for it girl!!

And thats why you should go. He chose YOU. Yes, you! Based on your clear pictures, he knows what he is getting and wants to date you. Have a word with yourself and go.

What do you have to lose? About 3 hours of your life. That's all.

Go and report back, I want to know how it goes.

He absolutely is not married. He doesn’t live too far and his socials show he is clearly not married. He has children but they’re grown up as he had them very young.

Just go. Don’t fret, you will click or not - luck of the draw! Could be fabulous or disastrous. Let us all know, fingers crossed for you xx

He doesn’t have an ex-wife, he had children very young so they’re grown up. I haven’t told him about my insecurities and I probably come across very confident to him.

I think it’s more that I’m worried I’m not his type. My ex is quite wealthy but in a horsey/farmer type way so his type was more country girl which I guess is more me. He’s clearly self made and I know it’s a vast generalisation but I tend to see men like that with more ‘done up’ women.

In the kindest way, you need to get over yourself. Just go on the date and see what happens. What’s the worst that could happen?

Bloke I know doesn’t have a penny to scratch his arse with was watching telly with his wife about 18 months ago at his home in South Yorkshire, when his wife scrolled through Facebook she saw he’d been tagged by his secret’ girlfriend’ at their baby shower, in Birmingham. For their second baby…. 4 months ago, it came to light he’d also got a third family! Those construction labourers don’t half get about! It’s got nothing to do with them being rich m, it’s about whether they’re a twat or not.

You’re being really daft. If you’re not ready to date, fine. But don’t blame it on him or make assumptions about him!

Just go

You’re just coming across really shallow. And honestly, if you’re going to go on about it this much then you’re just going to be exhausting for him to deal with. He knows what you look like, and wants to go on a date. But you’re applying your own standards to him, and you’re going to be one of those girls who needs constant reassurance when he hasn’t done anything to deserve this sort of judgement.

You are making so many judgements and assumptions about him- he might like this kind of girl, he might have dated this body type before. Yes it is natural to feel a bit nervous about whether someone will like you or not. He has seen your pics and clearly interested. Have any of your conversations given you an idea that he is pretentious? If not, then why are you being so negative? If there's one thing that's inferior, it's your mindset, sorry.

You can’t go wrong with a simple black dress.

Stop making assumptions about him, it's a bit bizarre you keep doing so.

FWIW, my husband is a "business type" and I look like I've been dragged through a hedge backwards 90% of the time. Personality and chemistry are what counts.

When is your date ? I’d get dressed up so you feel confident and just go, what have you got to lose? Absolutely nothing at all.

Honestly, my neighbour (tiny 2 bed bungalow/semi detached) was going out with an LA rockstar (can’t say who as it would be outing). He loved her normality and would be putting the bins out on a Wednesday! All is good if you gel. Xxx you’ve got this!💕

Have a word with yourself! Stop overthinking. You're coming across as precious and that's not attractive. Just wear something you feel good and confident in and go and see if YOU LIKE HIM! Not does he find you attractive. That's his call, not yours to worry about!

Going against the grain here but I'd hate this as a first date with a stranger. I like something simple like coffee so I can leave soon if I don't like them, and extend the date if I do. And I always offer to go halves because I don't want a man to feel entitled to more of my time, or even sex, based on having paid for my meal.

He might be lovely, but I'd keep an eye out for any signs he's trying to manipulate you with his "generosity" and make sure you have your own independent transport to get home again, in case things don't feel right.

Just go what's the worst that can happen? You don't like him so you never see him again. But you may really like him and wanting to splash the cash isn't such a bad thing in a date.

Stupidest thing I’ve read on here lately !

Agreed. I find this thread a bit exhausting tbh.

@ManchesterGirl2this is my opinion too. I would also find it a bit controlling and show off ish

You are making a lot of assumptions about him before even meeting him face to face. Of course you might be right so the best thing to do is just be authentically you.

Wear whatever you would normally wear to go to a nice restaurant. Don't worry about the future. This might be the first and only date you have with him so make a plan to make the most of it and really enjoy it!

Worst case scenario - he's terrible company, you can still have a lovely meal, you both go your separate ways asap.

Mid case scenario - he's lovely company but you both don't really 'gel', you have a lovely meal, you both go your separate ways.

Best case scenario - he's lovely company, you have a fantastic time, you arrange a second date.

He's seen your pictures - he knows your current style. He's asked for a date.

If he makes any comments about changing your look, style or appearance in any way, just give him a big smile and let him know you're not the woman for him.

If you don’t feel comfortable with a meal as a first date then don’t go.

Absolutely! I feel sorry for the poor guy. What awful judgments you have made.