Cancelling First Date Help?!

[CheeseSandwich1]

I (late 20’s) met someone (late 30’s) on a dating app.

Talked, swapped numbers and a couple of days later he asked if I’d like to go on a date. I agreed and he suggested a very, very nice place. I let him know I didn’t expect to go somewhere like that for a first date but he said he was more than happy to go and that it would be ‘his treat’.

I now want to cancel the date. He seems lovely but I feel a bit inferior after talking more and my confidence is lacking. The only problem is I’ve looked on the website and he will have paid a hefty deposit to secure the booking. I feel awful if I cancel as he’ll lose that money.

What do I do?! Just go and get it over with?! Or cancel?!

I’ve literally been trampled on by my ex and now I have literally no confidence whatsoever, I think that’s probably what’s done it.

Your logic is not making sense. You said your pictures were accurate so obviously your assumption about his preferred type is wrong.

Also on an aside, I’m not sure I’d have swapped numbers so early on as you’ve not even met him yet - not saying he could be dangerous - but isn’t it better to only give your number out once you’ve actually met and know you want at least a second date?

Sooo many assumptions about the guy. He’s asked you out on a date, give the poor guy a chance. You’re sabotaging the chance of a great night out because you’ve already decided what he would usually/ has/ will usually go for. Be open!

Someone paying that amount on a first date would make me really uncomfortable is it in a hotel

You’re worried about him judging you for not being love island enough, but you’re judging him and assuming he’ll like that sort of thing just because of his job. Stop it. Change your outlook to worrying that you’re not good enough for him and change it to ‘is he good enough for me?’

All this bollocks about money and jobs and lashes and tan is very shallow. Go and be yourself, you’ll either get along or you won’t. If you don’t then you’ve lost nothing and had a nice meal. If you wanted to cancel because you were seeing red flags or gone off the idea that’s one thing, but it’s unfair to cancel because of these silly assumptions.

On the contrary OP they like women they can feel powerful over. I'd be wary of that.

I have always swapped numbers pre date as I like to talk to someone on phone before I meet them.

The restaurant isn’t in a hotel, there’s rooms but it’s not the place you can get a room randomly after dinner. You’d have to book in advance a couple of weeks.

Well put you ex right in the bottom of the bin. Tip all the tea & dinner dregs on him & move on Don't let the douche further spoil your life.

Mr Date is interested in YOU, he's seen your unfiltered photos. You've talked so he's obviously decided he's interested in YOU. He's NOT you EX (plus the always say shitty stuff to try to excuse their behaviour)

when is dinner booked for??

id bore you with life stories just to make you see that you need to take opportunities in life when you can, because you don't know what's around the corner. But if you could just accept my word for it, it would be a little easier 😉

Life IS short - go & enjoy dinner & hopefully good company xx

I am going to go against everyone else. If you are so judgey about people with money, have a complete lack of understanding of wealth and have so little respect for him if you assume he wants fake and botox, you're probably not right for him.

Just go!
I’m late 30s, single mum. And I met a guy through online dating who is late 40s and I thought he had a normal too. But turned out he’s a vice president in a bank, and wealthy. I am about as opposite of “love island” as you can get. It doesn’t matter! If your photos are truthful then he knows what you look like. It doesn’t matter. The difference in finances doesn’t matter. We’ve been together over 2 years now.

I wanted to pay my way, so we go places within my budget and split the bill. Except for Christmas, birthdays and anniversaries. He covers those, someplace nice. And he covers the trips away. I’ll buy us a lunch or drinks during a trip but he covers the rest. He wants to, and I don’t take advantage, and we’re happy. Because the rest of the time, we’re evenly matched.

The man has money, he wants to go somewhere he enjoys. He's happy to treat the OP. Having money but feeling forced to eat somewhere more 'main stream' is a bit miserable. He wants to have a nice night out, with a self acclaimed 'foodie' who will appreciate if (unlike me 😂😂) is not a bloody crime.

Light tan and lash lift. If that's natural then god knows what I am. A sewer rat? 🤣

You'll be fine. Do it and chalk it up as life experience.

'They'🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄

Says more about you than this man.

just go, but him losing that deposit will feel much less than you using it if you decide not to go

If he was attracted to "those girls" he would be dating (or trying to date) them.

He is dating you for who you are, he does not expect or want you to try to be a different kind of woman. Wear what you like to wear.

If you're into your food and he's picked a fancy restaurant then I would assume that firstly he's trying to impress you with something you'd be into, and secondly if he's into food too then I imagine that's what he thinks you'll bond over.

(People who go to Michelin restaurants tend to really enjoy talking about food!)

Aside from anything else it's got to the point where it's too rude to cancel unless you have a very good reason (like, you've discovered something horrendous or unsafe about him). So go, enjoy the food and the absolute worst it'll be is a slightly awkward evening.

Wow. Don’t judge the poor man before you know him! He must like you otherwise why would he waste his time.

I think instead of making assumptions about him (that he can only like women with fake tan and fillers) you should judge him based on the evidence: he invited you out for dinner. Therefore he (presumably) likes the look of you.

Go as yourself. Wear something nice that you already own. Don't stress too much. You aren't beholden to seeing him again if things don't feel right.

My mum think late 1940s with a council house upbringing seemed to date a few wealthy men and went to dinner at one man’s house where is was asked by the father where she lived then asked how many acres? !!!! She must have carried it off she always did

Maybe, I just know people who have been in this situation. The man ends up being married and has different women at all his business trip locations. He wines and dines them pays for everything including the hotel room for the night.

Where do you see these men?

On social media where everything is fake?

I too panic like this.
But what is the absolute worst thing that’s going to happen - not much.

It would be much worse for this poor man if he thinks you’re not interested or was wasting your time.
So think of it as you’re doing him a favour by going.

Please update us afterwards!!

If this man had wanted Miss Botox, with her fake eyelashes, fake tan etc, he'd have chosen a woman who looks like that. He's chosen you! He probably didn't tell you he owns a company, or made it common knowledge on his profile, because he knows it would attract women, who are only interested in what he can give them. You don't have to wear a little black dresses with heels, if that's not your style. What is your style? What about a jumpsuit? There are some gorgeous ones around. He likes what he sees, don't try to talk yourself out of the date, by imagining what you think he should want in a woman. The only way to overcome your fears is to face them. Cancelling the date is running away. You liked him enough to give him your number, so go on the date, see if there's chemistry. If you cancel, you'll never know if this man might have been the right one for you. I met my now husband online dating, 19 years ago - it does work - but only if you go on the actual date!!

Well, of course that happens, but so do 'dates'

💁🏻‍♀️

and dinner at a run of the mill restaurant doesn't mean he's not married

1. Go. Be safe.
2. Be yourself/ wear your usual style
3. Most important: Let us know how it went 🙂

I think I would be wary if this guy already has an ex-wife and children. Paying for an expensive meal for someone he hasn’t met is extravagant. Coffee or drinks would make more sense (if you met for mid-afternoon drinks then off to dinner if things click). I don’t think OP that you should bring the insecurity about looks into the whole thing or say anything about your worries to him either. I can just see some man being ‘charmed by the freshness of it compared to all other girls’ (aka knowing he can take advantage).

If this was my DD going, I would be a little worried.

Why would you presume that’s the kind of girl he prefers ? I don’t understand your logic.