Cancelling First Date Help?!

[CheeseSandwich1]

I (late 20’s) met someone (late 30’s) on a dating app.

Talked, swapped numbers and a couple of days later he asked if I’d like to go on a date. I agreed and he suggested a very, very nice place. I let him know I didn’t expect to go somewhere like that for a first date but he said he was more than happy to go and that it would be ‘his treat’.

I now want to cancel the date. He seems lovely but I feel a bit inferior after talking more and my confidence is lacking. The only problem is I’ve looked on the website and he will have paid a hefty deposit to secure the booking. I feel awful if I cancel as he’ll lose that money.

What do I do?! Just go and get it over with?! Or cancel?!

This is totally bizarre you can’t decide you are not someone’s type, that’s up to them. Makybe work on your self esteem. Everyone’s saying the same thing but you seem set that your right that your not his type. You’re also being judgemental.

Oh for gods sake, why don't you just say you're a little nervous and would like to chat on the phone for five mins before meeting. Any normal bloke will understand.

I met my second husband through a dating agency 24 years ago. He is very wealthy. I was a Primary school teacher with 2 young children and very little money. He had more money than he knew what to do with. He didn't care that I didn't have any. Wear something nice and have a lovely time.

What’s the restaurant?

Why does that matter? You're just being nosy.

He wouldn't be my cup of tea, but if that's the sort of relationship you're looking for then go for it!

Why do you say this? You don’t know the man. Op has hardly shared anything about him, just that she thinks she’s not his type

When I met DH he had a very high paid, high profile glamorous job. I worked in a greasy spoon. We've been married 30 years and I've earned more than him for some time.
He SO didn't want a love island type.

Go on the date and enjoy his company.

What specifically would not be your cup of tea? You know nothing about him other than he has grown up kids and earns well.

OP, you really don't need to take it so seriously. In the past I've been on dates with a rock star whose coat cost more than i esrned in a year, a very pretty but cheesy international playboy type who rocked up in his Rolls Royce and several other men who I knew I wasn't right for but it was fun for a while. Let a bit of glamour into your life and have fun.

@Bobiverse @TakenewNn Well I'm married now, but when I was dating I was definitely looking for an equal relationship. Personal preference was I didn't want someone "treating" me; and more so someone I'd never met. I can pay my own way - did do and still do.

And then “I have no idea what to wear?! As I’m sure he’s used to tiny dresses and big heels - those girls look amazing but I’d look ridiculous”

It doesn’t sound like you feel inferior OP, it sounds like you think you’re much better than “those girls”. You are being disingenuous when you say they look amazing, as you’ve described a very particular look, and then yourself as “lash lift and cashmere”. Just admit it, you think you’re classy but dressing it up as being ‘inferior’. Stealth boast much? AIBU - This rich successful businessman wants to take me on a date to a fancy restaurant.

Stop being so looks obsessed and find out a bit more about him as a person. Wear whatever you would normally wear when you go to a Michelin star restaurant, as you say you have.

You’re probably the very thing he’s looking for. Kind, not a gold digger, authentic, natural. You could make each other really happy. Just be honest - tell him for a first date you’d like to go somewhere very relaxed but you’d potentially love to go there with him at a later date! If I were him, I’d think this was lovely. It shows you aren’t just after a fancy meal at his expense.

It’s not a removal/delivery company is it?! Lol.
there’s a bloke going round on the ‘any tea?’ App about a bloke who claims to be a wealthy business owner who takes girls to fancy restaurants as ‘his treat’

Can totally relate to feeling as though you’re inferior (even though you shouldn’t feel that way).

Definitely go on the date though! You don’t have to see him again if it goes terribly etc. A free meal in a nice place sounds like the absolute dream!

Please go! You never know what could come of it. Money doesn't make someone superior to you. He's likely worked incredibly hard to get to where he is. He is still an ordinary person. Do not judge him on his money, if anything, enjoy it!

Can I also say majority of men do not like the fake look and much prefer natural looking women.

For goodness sake, stop being so horribly judgemental, go on the date and let him make his mind up what type of person he wants to date. It's you he has asked, not some Love Island lookalike.

I'm going to go against the majority and say don't go. If everything you have said is genuine, I don't feel that you are ready to date. You're also quite judgmental and have made a lot of assumptions about somebody based on your own biases.

Why are you making all these assumptions about this poor man? Go on the date and get to know him. Judge him for who he is, not what you assume he is.

I agree

Look, you aren’t being fair to him. You cannot make snap judgements about people based on what you think they will like - you don’t know him.
so far we know you both like nice places to eat so you clearly have something in common so just go! It’s one night, you might actually really like each other and if you don’t it’s not a problem is it.
People don’t do well put in little stereotypical boxes. We like who we like - maybe he’s had enough of the fake look for a lifetime?!

I think its nice that he has just a normal dating profile.
I met my boyfriend of a few months online and also had no idea he was a high earner (who says that on there dating profile anyway?), he does pay for a lot of meals out but I insist on getting a round of drinks in or if its a meal at his house I bring a bottle of wine over. All stuff that I know is appreciated and despite his earnings he has a relatively down to earth life, i.e. lives in a normal house, pretty standard car, his children are pretty average at school etc....

Yep. Don't go. You sound like extremely hard work.

Hi,
No judgement at all and you can only do whats right for you.
In my oppinion your worrying before you have even had a chance to meet the fella, he could be looking for someone who isnt influenced by wealth or superficial beauty, he looked at your profile and wants to meet with you, confidence comes from within not whats on the outside, put your fears to the side and you could possibly end up having a really nice time with this chap and possibly a second date, dont worry about your differences and focus on the things you have in common, its a first date after all. Good luck xx