Am I right to think people with easy babies have no idea!

[Bethymum]

I have a fussy baby, nearly 4 months and has been whinging non stop since he arrived. I feel the need to say I love him to bits but it’s exhausting and I’m now just wanting him to get older, I’ve tried so hard to be patient but I’ve run out of gas. Hearing everyone go on about how easy this stage is and to enjoy it makes me feel like I must be a rubbish mum :( but I do think his temperament is difficult. I keep trying to do normal things like take him along to meals, walks in the park etc but it’s just never enjoyable and I feel awful after

Oh, I really feel what you’re going through! I confess, in my slightly meaner moments, I do really wish a more challenging second child on those smug parents who just like to let you know you’ve done it all wrong and that they are perfect. It will get better, I promise. Xx

My first was an 'easy' baby.

My second? Good grief.... from the min he was born - he screamed. Constantly screamed (unless he was asleep). That stopped at 14m, he also went from 6-7x waking up at night to sleeping through... hes lovely now! X

Me too, and a fussy eating DC, just for a few months, not forever.

I had to distance myself from the mums ‘my baby sleeps’ ‘ my child never screams’…. Bla bla!!!! I had a year out from mum groups, meeting up with people forcing myself to do things I didn’t want to do.
I took myself to cafes and did a lot of things on my own for a while. I didn’t need to hear about how others were doing just fine, but wanted to get out the house.
You're not a bad mum. You just need to surround yourself with like minded mums.
You got this!
Also never wish this time away…. Parenting is hard throughout the whole of their life’s it’s just hard in different ways. X

No, you weren't being horrible. You were being honest and I feel exactly the same way. I went through five cycles of IVF and a high risk pregnancy full of pain and constant bleeding, I was told I would probably miscarry several times. I didn't sleep for sobbing for months.

Whenever my baby was difficult of course I would get upset but quite frankly I don't care how difficult she is she is a miracle and a blessing. It's normal to feel grateful even for the shit bits after infertility. And to be blunt @ShesTheAlbatross not everyone is feeling love and gratitude for their baby. Some people regret their children, some wish they hadn't had them, some neglect them and get them taken away. To just assume every mum adores their baby and is grateful for them is naive and wholly incorrect. I felt guilty for not enjoying the shit bits at first but I soon remembered how lucky I was to be experiencing the shit bits no matter how shit it was because I had friends going through IVF and still no baby to keep them awake at night. Being kept awake by a baby was a good swap for being kept awake by grief. I'm sure your friend will remember that at some point. There was no need to berate her and make her feel as awful as she seemed to feel in her response.

Parenting after infertility is different to parenting an easily conceived child, more anxious, more worrying, more joy but also more fear and many other super positive and super negative things. To pretend it isn't is silly.

Having had one of each to the extreme end some people do not know they are born 😂 my easy one came second and my first was all I had known so I was prepared for the same again! It has been incomparable and if I had had him first I would have thought it was a walk in the park! Be kind to yourself it’s really tough

Parenting after infertility is different to parenting an easily conceived child, more anxious, more worrying, more joy but also more fear and many other super positive and super negative things. To pretend it isn't is silly.
Why do you assume that parenting an easily conceived DC is less worry, less joy, it isn't silly to pretend, it isn’t less.
I think it is silly to assume it is more special.
frankly I don't care how difficult she is she is a miracle and a blessing. It's normal to feel grateful even for the shit bits after infertility.
I think that is also quiet ignorant when you haven't experienced a DC who cries 24/7. Sadly women who also struggled with infertility have sick babies who cannot communicate their feelings, who scream all day.
It isn't the case that they don't love them as much as you love your baby.

Well it's known that mental health struggles are more common in mums who needed fertility treatment and their anxiety levels about their children are higher. They display lower confidence levels in their abilities as mums because they couldn't get pregnant/carry/give birth easily like other women and they have spent a lot longer thinking about everything that could go wrong because nothing went right before now. They also spend a lot longer thinking what kind of parenting they want to do becomes they've waited years and had nothing but time to think about it. It's both known by perinatal health workers and obvious to anyone with an ounce of common sense that someone who went through hell to have their child and can't have another easily will have a different approach to parenting than someone who has multiple children and it came easily.

Children born from fertility treatments have better outcomes in life than children that were conceived naturally because their parents are so invested in them. This has been documented in lifelong studies of IVF children. There are no accidental IVF babies or babies born to ambivalent parents by IVF. There are cold hard statistics that show parenting after infertility is different. Why does that offend the parents of naturally conceived babies so much?

Children born from fertility treatments have better outcomes in life than children that were conceived naturally because their parents are so invested in them.?
I highly doubt that, many are born to older parents who were very busy living their life, therefore not prioritising their future DC.
There is no difference between ivf DC and only DC to older parents with financial security.

It doesn't matter if you doubt it. It's published as being true. You can read about it here.

https://www.sciencedaily.com/releases/2022/03/220323101314.htm

Thinking couples only need fertility because they are older and too busy living their life shows your ignorance. The sad 40 year old career woman sitting in the clinic needing IVF because she was too busy working is just a misogynistic trope. The average age of first time IVF parents in the UK is 33, only four years older than the national average of 29 and far before being infertile due to age which tends happen nearer 40. All statistics available from the HFEA. The vast majority of couples needing IVF are infertile due to medical conditions.

Why do these facts offend you so much?

Children born from fertility treatment do better on average than naturally conceived children because naturally conceived children include all the unplanned and unwanted children who tend to do less well than average. It's a statistically anomally, not a criticism of parents who naturally conceive their planned and wanted children.

That makes more sense.
On a very large scale and spectrum of children conceived naturally.
Appreciate the non smug explanation.

It's not a smug explanation, it's actual facts presented in scientific research, which for some reason offends you so you need to insult women who needed fertility treatment 🤷

Anyway, parenting after infertility is different to parenting without a fertility struggle. It's common knowledge and scientifically proven as well as risk factor monitored by maternity carers. I can't see why you have a problem with that fact but you clearly do. The whole point of the thread is that we don't all have the same experience of parenting and OP herself is claiming some people have no idea what it's like to have a hard baby. No one who hasn't been through fertility treatment has any idea what it's like to be a parent after that trauma. Why you claim you do and dismiss the experience is beyond me.