Am I right to think people with easy babies have no idea!

[Bethymum]

I have a fussy baby, nearly 4 months and has been whinging non stop since he arrived. I feel the need to say I love him to bits but it’s exhausting and I’m now just wanting him to get older, I’ve tried so hard to be patient but I’ve run out of gas. Hearing everyone go on about how easy this stage is and to enjoy it makes me feel like I must be a rubbish mum :( but I do think his temperament is difficult. I keep trying to do normal things like take him along to meals, walks in the park etc but it’s just never enjoyable and I feel awful after

Some are absolutely easier than others. If I’d had my third baby as my first I’d have been insufferably smug as he was such as easy baby.
But… my first two were very difficult babies so I absolutely hear you!!
Also, if this is your first baby there’s a lot to be said for experience. My second one was probably even trickier than my eldest in many ways but I was more experienced so took it in my stride more.
If it makes you feel any better my easy third baby has become a bit of a beast as a toddler!

I agree OP! I had two babies that were chalk and cheese and have reflected many times to friends that if I’d only had one child, depending on which I’d had, I’d have a totally different appraisal of my own parenting skill (ie either a failure or a whizz) and both views would have been wrong!

my ‘tricky’ baby (aka me as a failure, no clue what I’m doing) has turned into a wonderful, sensitive human who knows and understand people with such skill and thoughtfulness, I’m quite in awe.

Hang on in there and don’t take any of it personally.

Our daughter was essentially a potato until about 16 months, she’s been an absolute nightmare ever since and she’s nearly four. She’s off nursery with HFM at the moment and is making it her lifes work to be a terror, she seems to be succeeding too!

Thank you so much for these replies, they are so helpful

My firstborn was easy from birth to adulthood. My second and third’s teenage years nearly broke me 😆

I have 3DC, now teens. My teenagers are so much easier than they were as small children. Why? They STTN. They can clean up after themselves. Sometimes they cook for me or hang up the washing or empty the dishwasher. When we have visitors they help with the preparation. They like to watch programmes I like to watch like Strictly or The Diplomat or The Crown or Downton Abbey. They like the same sports as us and going to the theatre. They even enjoy going to museums now.

The baby stage is brutal, even with a 'good' baby you are exhausted, recovering from big changes to your body and the physical work is relentless. It is not the easiest stage by any stretch of the imagination. Toddlers are much more rewarding but still hard work, primary school is when it starts getting easier. Lots will tell you teens are the worst but they are fabulous, my favourite stage yet! It will get easier day by day, you are not a bad mother because you are finding this stage hard. You are probably an unsupported one though, the people I knew who found the baby stage easy were those whose DMs of MILs were close by and supportive. It makes a massive difference if you can have regular time off while someone else looks after your DC.

I came to the conclusion we are all very different, our babies are very different and so our expectations and circumstances.
I adored the baby stage even if, realistically, my DS never slept in his cot, he woke every 3 hours for a feed, I breastfed for 15 months and rocket him to sleep until he was a toddler. He suffered from reflux and showed a strong personality from day zero basically.
BUT.... I loved it and found it so easy.
Why? In hindsight, he was a rainbow baby, I had him quite old after so many years of struggle and grieving, and he was very poorly at birth. I felt and still feel so blessed to have him that nothing, really nothing, was a sacrifice. I truly enjoyed every single minutes of the miracle I was living.

I absolutely hear you! Our wee one was a difficult baby (hard to soothe, hard to sleep without being on someone, lots of health bits and bobs) but I offer good news - she's an easy toddler compared to some...

I found the baby stage the hardest, grumpy baby 😂. Not finding tbe twos to be terrible at all, very sweet and funny and lovely!

All 3 of mine were easy babies but I still disliked the baby stage. It's ok to dislike a stage of parenting and to not enjoy every single minute, I promise.

People finding their babies hard does not mean that they can’t also feel blessed to have them, or that they didn’t struggle to conceive, or that they didn’t have previous pregnancy losses. It’s very unpleasant to say “I found it easy because I felt so blessed to have him” as if everyone else is feeling something different.

A friend of mine had a stillbirth at 38 weeks. When she then went on to have her second child, she struggled so much with a baby who didn’t sleep, and part of her mental struggle was that she felt so guilty that she “should” be more grateful, that she “should” be savouring a 2am cuddle etc.

Not at all, my first baby screamed 24/7, I remember lying in bed thinking what have I done having a child 😭 not she’s nearly 6 and I love her but I pieces. My second child is 3 and he was a dream, hardly cried and had a very chilled temperment. I enjoyed the newborn stage so much more with him. You’re doing the best you can, it’s so hard. You’re not a rubbish mum and I PROMISE it gets easier ❤️

You are right, of course, and I say that as Mum of an easy baby. I did see what some friends went through with illness and reflux and colic and poor sleepers and I promise you my only thought has ever been ‘there but for the grace of god’. I don’t know that I’d have coped at all with some of the things friends have been through. You’re doing a great job x

My dd was so hard. Never slept, wouldn't let me put her down, wouldn't be held by anyone other than me. I thought I'd lose my mind at certain points. I used to love it when people remarked on how difficult she was as it was somewhat vindicating! She's turning 2 shortly and she is such a joy to be around now. Always happy and loves to do what I ask of her. It will get better, I promise x

My SIL had an easy pregnancy and birth with her first who was a very content baby. She started doing classes for women in more deprived areas to teach them how to have a baby as happy as hers . Then her second baby arrived. He had reflux, didn't sleep, screamed for hours after feeds. She didn't do the classes anymore.

Of course people with easy babies have no idea! Why would they if they haven’t experienced it

I am so sorry, I really didn't mean others don't feel they adore their babies - reading it back it's horrible and I didn't realize. I had multiple miscarriages, a stillborn and my DS's twin was also a stillborn, I phrased it very badly.

My first was a nightmare, screamed 16 hours day, barely slept , puked after every bottle and was just generally miserable. My second is far far better, hes so easy in comparison. Sadly if people have never experienced a difficult baby then of course theyll have no clue at all. Its only something you understand by going through it

I can relate to this. One of my DC was very easy. The other two were really really hard work in different ways. It will get better and there is light at the end of the tunnel. X

I'm with you OP, my DD was the most difficult baby I have ever come across. She would whinge constantly and would never be happy just sitting with someone/playing. She always wanted milk when she was near me, even if she'd just had some. Wouldn't sit in a bouncer even for 5 mins so I could stuff in dinner. Plus her sleep was dreadful and often she was up every half an hour/hour.

She's still quite needy now at 3 and it's a struggle to get her to do anything independently but definitely better than she was, so hang in there😊

My first (whilst amazing, lovely etc) was so hard I haven't felt strong enough to have a second! The people who make you feel like you're over-exaggerating it or that it's your fault/just you being a bit rubbish are the absolute worst. The ones who understand that babies have different temperaments, sleeping patterns, tolerance for being handed to a close relative for 30 seconds whilst you go to the loo, etc, can be lifesavers.

You don't need to experience something first hand to have some intelligence and imagine how hard it might be - even if it's possibly worst in real life.

My friend has 4 kids. She says if she’d had the 4th one first, he’d have been an only child! They’re all different and mostly bloody hard work to varying degrees. They also constantly move the goalposts on you. One day at a time, you’re doing an amazing job xx

I hear you. Mine vomited 24/7, and not just after a feed - like all day. I felt I couldn’t give her to anyone, or go anywhere because I was constantly cleaning up sick and changing her and me. We did no baby classes, no storytime at the library, no mum groups in cafes, nothing. My maternity leave was so lonely and stressful. One particularly bad day I was paying in the supermarket, she was in a sling screaming so I faced her forward as that sometimes helped, and she promptly threw up onto the checkout. It all stopped abruptly when she was weaned, there was nothing “wrong” she just grew out of it, and I remember so clearly thinking “omg maybe I can go out now”. Funnily enough, she’s not one of those toddlers that is always tearing about, she’ll sit at the table and colour in or do stickers - so now I’m having my happy relaxed going out for meals/cafe time while friends who had easier babies are having challenges. Who knows what they’ll all be like as teenagers! It’s not you ❤️

Those of us with 6+ children including an ‘easy baby’ may say that YOU have no idea, but that wouldn’t be helpful for you to hear . arbitrary dismissals of each others experiences rarely are.