Am I right to think people with easy babies have no idea!

[Bethymum]

I have a fussy baby, nearly 4 months and has been whinging non stop since he arrived. I feel the need to say I love him to bits but it’s exhausting and I’m now just wanting him to get older, I’ve tried so hard to be patient but I’ve run out of gas. Hearing everyone go on about how easy this stage is and to enjoy it makes me feel like I must be a rubbish mum :( but I do think his temperament is difficult. I keep trying to do normal things like take him along to meals, walks in the park etc but it’s just never enjoyable and I feel awful after

Yes.

I used to take my little screamer to the supermarket at quiet times and sort of dance round the aisles, involving a lot of trolley back and forwards and twirling in empty bits. God knows what anyone watching the CCTV must have thought. It often confused her enough to stop her howling. I met a frazzled looking mum with a screamer recently and suggested the same to her. She had a go and it worked for her too and we had a wee laugh. She said it was the first laugh she'd had in weeks and usually just felt judged by other shoppers. Felt for her and I feel for you too. Just remember all things must pass.

Mine also really liked watching the washing machine from about 2 feet away, in case you've never tried that . I remember the first time my little monster had a fit of the giggles at about 8 or 9 months and I thought my heart would burst with love and it made all the months of horror like a bad dream. She's 33 now and fortunately a bit less difficult 😉

I’ve told this story on MN plenty of times before but I remember having my first. She was an angel, literally NEVER cried, loved being out and about, very smiley, slept through from 6 weeks. She was just the happiest, easiest bundle of joy. I thought it was because I was a natural mother!!

I then had my second 2 years later. OMFG. Complete nightmare. He was needy, cried at the drop of a hat, whined all the time, hated being out, just a general grumpy little shit.

It was then that I realised it is all just luck of the draw. My baby boy ended up being the most amazing toddler, child and teen. Haven’t had a moments stress from him since he was about 9 months old. My angel baby DD though…. We’ve had our challenges!

Hang in there, it does get better!!

My first was a pain the arse (still is at age 10 tbh 😄)
My second was so good and slept for long periods from birth and was generally just chill. I put it down to him being born big and strong and feeding well. My first was under 5lbs and seemed very uncomfortable and colicky the whole time.
The difference between the two experiences was night and day.

Its good you say this out about your feelings. First you are not a rubbish mum have been there and it was exhausting physically and mentally. What helped me greatly is going to mums group, children centres meeting other mums and the baby exploring too. Stay strong and keep living as they say it gets easier.

My 1st baby cried non stop for hours (later diagnosed with CMPA, ASD and ADHD), I would put him in his cot and let him cry when I was too overwhelmed, he is a fantastic little human but even now with him I feel like im parenting on hard mode.

If I only had DD I would think I were the world's best parent 🤣 maybe I needed humbling.

The crying does stop, I found 6 months there was a huge improvement then sort of 10 ish as he made his leaps.

It can all spin around though. I had an easy baby but she’s a toddler now and although very funny and I’ll say spirited I never stop 😂

I went to a kids birthday party in the park and one of the mum's had a 3/4mo baby. I found this age REALLY hard with mine; they obviously weren't sleeping as much vs the newborn time and yet I found it hard to entertain them. I couldn't put them down, or even stand still whilst holding them for what felt like months. This baby just lay there on the floor on a blanket. WIDE AWAKE and not moaning at all. I think she might have fed him once and that was it. I couldn't believe it. This kid was the youngest of 3 and apparently the older 2 were total nightmares so she definitely knew how lucky she was but it's 100% the case that not all babies are equally hard.

My mum always talks about what a difficult baby/child i was, I am 39.... I think i scarred her a bit, she got her easy one 2nd time around...

I think you wrote beautifully about your son and I'm so glad you found such joy in motherhood after so much loss .

The whole point of this thread is that people with easy babies don't understand, so this is parodying that right?? Right??

Signed: A parent with no experience of a child 'only crying when tired/poorly'

The difficult babies aren't loved any less, in fact I'm sure they need extra love, love their passion for crying, it moves to better outlets.

Except I’ve never in my life gone on about how easy this stage is or told other parents to enjoy it. I just cracked on with parenting the child I got who happened to be very easy, and didn’t give much thought to how difficult other children might be.

If my third baby had been my first….i probably would have been one of those people 🫠
She was just the most chilled little thing, right from the get go. She was easy to feed, slept reasonably well, hardly ever cried - just all-in-all and easy baby and that has continued through toddlerhood and early childhood. She’s just a really easy kid to parent.

My first?!!
Such an uptight baby. She was the type who’d fart in her sleep, scare herself awake with said fart and then scream about it for the next hour 🫠🫠 She didn’t sleep well, I had no idea what the hell I was doing, and I just look back on her first year of life and remember the stress, the self-doubt and just generally feeling pretty shit about myself and my abilities as a mother. She’s a pre-teen now, and while she’s still quite a highly-strung kid, she’s grown to be an all around lovely person - so I can’t have done too badly during her early years when I was a frazzled mess.

All babies are different OP. I had one very uptight, fussy baby. One medically complex baby which brought a whole different set of challenges, and then one baby who was so laidback she was horizontal 🤷🏻‍♀️
And babies also go through phases - your baby might be in the super fussy phase right now and then suddenly mellow out a few months down the line. My eldest actually chilled out a lot around the 6 month mark when she was started to sit up and learn to crawl and had mastered picking things up. Maybe she was just bored before that? I don’t know 🤷🏻‍♀️

I really feel you on this, my daughter was like this - she’d only contact nap so was stuck to me from morning until night and then throughout the night because she was breastfed and her sleep was horrendous. She whinged and cried a lot of the time in the day and I found it so difficult. I felt like every other baby was happy and chilled expect mine and it used to make me want to scream when my friends talked about how easy it all was. She’s nearly 2 now, she’s still extremely clingy to me and I found going back to work a bit of a god send to be honest because I felt like I had some time to be me again… (mum guilt for thinking that!). I have a day off in the week with her and obviously weekends, and things are becoming easier in some ways as she can communicate more and days out are becoming a lot more enjoyable, although we usually have at least one massive tantrum in public every time 🙃. It completely puts me off having another in all honesty because I’m scared the next will be even worse… feel like I’ve lost the point of this post now but I just wanted to say you’re not alone in your feelings at all

Tell me about it! My DD (now 42 and an absolute angel!) was a nightmare as a baby. She never seemed stop whinging and crying from the moment she was born. I got very little sympathy from anyone,health care professionals or other mums. Was just told she'd 'grow out of it',which thankfully by the time she was a year old,she did. She didn't sleep through the night until she was a year old. Then we had a repeat performance when my DGD was born,19 years ago. Turned out she was lactose intolerant and had acid reflux. But even when this issues were addressed, when she was 6 weeks old,she really wasn't much better. My daughter was living with me at the time, and I can honestly say that for the first 4 months of DGD's life,we didn't have a single dinner time that was uninterrupted by screaming and crying. Evenings were definitely the worst. Again,my DD received little sympathy from anyone (except me!),was just told 'some babies are like that'. She didn't really settle until she was 9 months old and the acid reflux eased off because she was upright a lot more of the time. So you do have my sympathy OP. Strangely,both my D and DGD are only children!

SilverStateLady Your remark about your DD farting in her sleep struck a chord with me! This is exactly what my DGD would do,then spend the next hour whingeing about it!

I agree with the lady who said all babies are different, you get what you get and there's no returns or trade-ins. That being said, I also firmly believe that you weren't given more than you can handle. Keep telling yourself, " You're Stronger than you Think, You're More Loving than you Think, and and You're More Blessed Than You Think!" Your baby 's character is not the only one's being built right now. Best Wishes to you and your Baby

😂😂 I can look back on it and laugh now. But at the time?!
I was just completely at my wits end. I’d finally get her settled after a whingy, fussy couple of hours, she’d fall asleep…..the fart would happen and we’d be right back at square one 🫠😂

I was going to write the exact same as you, this is exactly what happened to me with my 2!
100% luck of the draw!

First DC was an absolute nightmare. Didn’t sleep for longer than an hour or so until 18 months. Was always crying, whining, wanting to be held. I watched on in envy at my friends with their chilled out easy babies. Thought I was rubbish. In hindsight they had gastro issues which must have been causing pain as we spent many years from potty training dealing with bladder and bowel issues. Has been the best and easiest teenager in the history of the world.

Second DC was the easiest baby and toddler ever. So chilled, happy, easy to please. Just adorable in every which way. An absolutely fucking awful teenager now, I could happily give them away.

it’s all luck.

Yes lovley has many have said all babies and children are the same. Some grow out of it some dont. I dont want to type my whole experience as tbh i had only 1 and got strealised at 30 because of my experiences . It traumatised me for life . But there is allways light at the end of your tunnel, when that is none of us can say but know this,ignore the others that say it cant be that bad,you are exaggerating,babies are easy blah blah blah . Take it day by day . Set your expectations lower not by what other people suggest they should be doing or what you should be doing . Lowering expectations may help you feel less of im been a shit mom and im usesless . As trust me 15 years on my son still makes me feel like this some weeks. But i know deep down i have done eveything i possibley could and will alwways. And as long as you do your best they dont rember anythjng when they older apart frkm you trying your best or not .
But also the ones that do offer genuine help take it and dont feel guilty . They dont see there comments as hurtfull because they had easy babies.
And evan at 4 months call health visitor back out they can go theough with you sometimes better than a doc of your daily routine wich will help you see you are doing eveything right some of these health visitors have old tricks up there sleves that just work and u think why disnt i think of that . But aswell yes ask about alergies with formula evan if a grandparent has stumach issuies and things just because u have not the baby may because its in the family best to go with professionals and tick evey box u possibly can ( i had this issuie also took 6 years before anyone noticed because i didn't have the food allergy they did not question alergies but relatives both sides did he could have not sufferd all that time)

DS1 hated being a baby.
He got better and better. Started crawling (5 effing months old), and improved. Started talking, and we discovered what a fabulous personality he had hiding behind the constant screams.
He is now a teenager, and absolutely fabulous. He came home from school last week with chocolates from the staff from demonstrating kindness. When someone at his scouts group asked how to do well, they were told to "be more like Wood Junior". So it's not just us who think he's ace.

It's just a stage. It will all change. And at some point t it will be you breezing through that stage of parenting while others hit their issues. Its just your first!!

Just to add you are doing your best and allways will and just keep that in mind in the low moments. You will and probably do have amazing day or hours or minutes to be proud of your self and your baby rember these in the bad times. Us moms and single dads out there with any child easy or hard you learn on the way eveyone makes mistakes or thinks they have but it all normal and individual to you and your life none else's. You are doing fab

My lovely pal used to boast of what a great sleeper her 12hr-straight-sleeping-daughter was. I didn’t punch her, thought did cross my mind tho! 😵‍💫😆