Am I right to think people with easy babies have no idea!

[Bethymum]

I have a fussy baby, nearly 4 months and has been whinging non stop since he arrived. I feel the need to say I love him to bits but it’s exhausting and I’m now just wanting him to get older, I’ve tried so hard to be patient but I’ve run out of gas. Hearing everyone go on about how easy this stage is and to enjoy it makes me feel like I must be a rubbish mum :( but I do think his temperament is difficult. I keep trying to do normal things like take him along to meals, walks in the park etc but it’s just never enjoyable and I feel awful after

I feel you so hard. My first was an easy baby and a joy!

BUT I had a non sleeper. FOMO, did not sleep without a break, (normally 5-6, but 2-3 minimum as he got older) until he was almost 5. I lived on fumes, caffeine and I was on the verge of burn out every single day.

Those people with babies who are sleepers. The rage due to unsolicited advice. I'd tried EVERYTHING multiple times..nothing worked because he was a non sleeper and they had no concept their miracle advice wasn't specifical that had a baby with a innate propensity for sleep!

Sorry your struggling, it can be relentless! X

Every baby is different and I don't believe for a second anyone has a 'perfect' baby, we all get fustrated at some point!
my first was colicky, reflux, didn't sleep well at all, cried a lot unless we were out in the pram 😂 got better as she was able to to more herself but even now at nearly 4 she has a tendency to cry easy 🙈
my second I'm so thankful he's so easy in comparison, he's 7 months now and can happily play on the floor a little while, still wakes at night but is easily boobed back to sleep, smiles at others instead of cries. I still get frustrated at the odd times though it's not all sunshine

it gets better, then you'll wish they were little again

My first baby was so easy she took her milk, slept all night and was always smiling. I thought this is nice I'll have another. My second DC was a difficult baby with projectile vomitting. I breast fed him then he'd vomit up most of his feed and I'd have to feed him any milk I had left but I was always worried he might still be hungry. The vomiting did not stop until he was about 8 months old. This DC also had ADHD and honestly he was like a whirlwind. I did not have a third DC until he was 7 and at school. 3rd DC again dream baby happy and slept all night from about a month old.

My"fussy baby" actually had CMPA, he was like a new baby when he went on prescription milk, he still wasn't an easy baby but he was a dream from 18mths old .... my 2nd born was the easiest baby, slept 20hrs a day...she's now 3 and she's been horrendous since she was 2, I hate going anywhere with her as she just has full blown tantrums , won't sit still

I had twins and one was so chilled, the other was such hard work. Hated anyone even looking at her apart from me and her dad, couldn’t be put down, didn’t sleep, didn’t nap, reflux, whiny the lot. I couldn’t enjoy the easiness of the other one unfortunately! When she hit 4 she completely changed. She’s now hilarious, chilled and so so lovely. It’s her sister with the attitude now 😂 they change and I found age 3-6m the hardest because they just want to be sat up or on you constantly. Things get much easier when they can move on their own

Colicky or whiney babies are a different breed. The difference between my first who had horrendous colic, and my second who does not, is so incredibly stark.

The 4 month stage is one of the hardest stages. It’s not easy at all. You get less support because the baby isn’t a newborn anymore, they’re going through sleep regressions and massive milestone changes including growth spurts. So sleep and everything else changes. They also tend to get clingier AND sometimes either want to feed more OR start doing a nursing strike (if breastfeeding).
Everyone who has met my baby says they’re so easy going and calm, but that’s because I run myself ragged tending to her every need all the time.
You are not alone, the whinging is incessant and sooooo incredibly annoying and hard to cope with, as is the lack of autonomy and independence you have.
all I can say is, it does get better, hang in their mumma. Use every bit of support you have going, don’t turn any down even down to someone offering to hoover. Try and get out as much as you can (babies just being outside is stimulating for them and means you don’t have to think of things to do with them, plus it takes you away from cabin fever and looking at all the things you need to do at home that you can’t do). Try and baby wear as much as possible and give yourself grace. Take regular breaks just to another room for a minute once they’re safe.
xxxx

So I will be brutal and I apologise for this!!

You have no idea what other people are going through. They ALL have difficult stages!! You are not a rubbish mum, motherhood is bloody hard. Some stages are easier for some than others.

My son was a really whiney baby? finally diagnosed with CMPA and he was a different baby.

My daughter was a really easy baby but my goodness we have just the toddler stage 😳

It is hard, it is exhausting and it will get easier!! It is so rewarding at times and literally sucks the life from your at others.

Have you explored a milk allergy? I know how difficult having a whingey baby was and it makes you want to stay in all day every day but please don’t.

I feel that mums’s that breastfeed find it harder than the ones that bottle feed. I might be very wrong but this is my experience with mums around me.

I cant read the comments as I fear they'd annoy me too much!

Because of course, you're right.

Having a whiny, high needs baby is hell, totally hell.

But ours has turned into the most caring compassionate and loving child in the world so was totally worth it!

Hang in there

I had a difficult first baby and couldn’t understand how people enjoyed the newborn stage. I was just wishing time away. It git gradually better and She became so much fun around 8 months.

now my 2nd is in newborn phase and is SO EASY. I’m having a lovely time watching loads of tv, I kid him down and make soup from scratch ha. Wildly different experience!

I had my easy baby as my second child. It was like a totally different experience to having my first baby. Thankfully I had my high needs baby first, otherwise I would have been insufferable if I’d had my second first and imagine it was all my great parenting 😂

Both of mine were hard. Both bf every 20 min 26 nappies a day. At 4 months bf every 40 min. This went on until about 18 months. It was enjoyable but super hard work.

This isn't true for many

My eldest was an incredibly difficult baby, never slept more than 45 minutes, took an hour to get back to sleep each wake up. Reflux, constant crying.

He was also a very very difficult toddler and pre schooler and at 7 refuses school regularly, has autism and ADHD, violent outbursts and currently is awake in my bed which happens most nights

However NOTHING has ever been as hard as the extreme sleep deprivation and helplessness when he screamed constantly as a baby.

Yep, my daughter, 4 now is basically a model child. I took an thankful I was already humbled

Mine too. DD was a fussy newborn and cried at the drop of a hat. This behaviour carried into the early toddler years. I never could do mum and baby classes or story-time at the library or sit on a picnic blanket without DD making a lot of fuss. People would look over at me like I was a terrible mum who can’t control her crying child. Now at 3, DD seems to enjoy learning to do a range of things independently and is upset if we try to help or intervene, which we obviously have to as she is 3. I said to DH from the start, she knows her own mind!

I was trying to agree with the OP!

My eldest was an absolute nightmare. She screamed non-stop for six months. It wasn’t just a case of wanting to be held, we had to stand up and walk around with her. It was absolute torture.

But, she hit six months and got a little better, then better again at 12 months and by 24 months was an absolute delight and has stayed that way.

Keep going, the worst bit is nearly over xx

100% agree. My first baby was so so easy, I thought it was so easy I’d have another. My second baby was so, so difficult, I didn’t know what I’d let myself in for, I was shocked at how much harder literally everything was.

100 percent agree, I was tempted to sell my firstborn on ebay!
My second child was brilliant, but my first I have no idea how I coped funnily enough hes a teen now and hes a really easy teen whereas my second now nine is difficult 😂

i remember frantically posting on here about DS. He was a very grumpy baby and I tried EVERYTHING including going through paediatrics for reflux/milk allergy. I thought I would go insane with the stress and lack of sleep.

Some things did make life more bearable - a stretchy sling, bouncy chair and a walk everyday (I put headphones in to drown out ds).

A very kind lady once told me DS was nowhere near as loud as I feared and that if I stopped to look, all babies and small children had their moments, so I had nothing to be embarrassed about.

That was 12 years ago and DS is literally the most wonderful son o could wish for, The early days are a distant memory. I know right now you’re deep in it but I just wanted to say you’re doing great. Take the tiniest wins for now. It’ll all come good.

I sympathise, OP. My children are adults now and I love them infinitely, but oh boy, my first was a very difficult baby. Colic screaming every evening, wouldn’t sleep by night or day, resisted every new stage (drinking from a cup, weaning etc). We were zombies. She’s lovely and has achieved well (degrees etc) but had a hard time socially at school and was diagnosed as an adult with ASD, which made sense.

My second was a walk in the park…I remember saying anxiously to the HV that he only seemed to sleep and feed, and was he OK? She thought I was bonkers but this was a new experience for me!

A friend had 2 babies which were ‘easy’ but then a third which wasn’t and she told she’d have stopped at one if the first been like him!

I agree with you OP, and I say that having had 2 easy babies. The first one was almost mythically placid and while I was aware it was unusual I didn't have anything to compare it to so stories of normal troubles with crying, fussing etc weren't relatable. I tried really hard not to be a dick about it when others were talking about fussiness etc so I hope that worked.

My second was a bit more tricky - I did have a few sleepless nights with them and it made me realise a little more how hard it can be. But I'll be honest, it wasn't every night by a long stretch - 4 months of it would have definitely broken me so you've already earned my respect.

All this to say I agree that you're right to think that unless you're really in the trenches you can't understand it. Same as people who don't have children at all but always seem to have the 'best' advice about how to deal with them!

Totally agree, OP.
My son had colic and screamed for 4 months. It was utterly nerve-shredding. He also didn't sleep for more than 2-3 hours at a stretch until he was 2.
I often wonder what it must be like having a more easygoing baby. I think people with easier babies don't understand how hard it is to keep on top of housework during mat leave if you are dealing with that level of prolonged screaming and sleep deprivation. I sure as hell wasn't baking banana bread on my mat leave, I was in survival mode for much of it..
My son is now 4 and frankly has been hard work from the get go but he has a brilliant personality and is so smart and imaginative, so I do genuinely enjoy it all. But omg it's so much easier when you are getting 6 to 8 hours solid sleep as a mum. Life changing!!
I am genuinely curious about the experiences of people with non-colicky babies and those that are getting decent chunks of sleep past, say, 6 months!!