Page 9 | Was the sonographer being a creep?

Owlmoonstar · 2025-10-20T19:47:08+00:00

I had an ultrasound scan today to investigate pelvic pain. Firstly it was external, like a typical pregnancy scan. And then I was asked if I would like an internal exam, which I agreed. During the internal scan, the sonographer (a man) touched my bum cheeks in a bit of a weird way. If you can imagine the way your hand would grip the device, he then released his index and little finger and was kinda jiggling the skin near my bum crack. He also did an in and out motion with the device, as one would with a --dildo. -- I don't know if I'm overthinking everything. It felt off at the time. But obviously I was just all kinda tensed up, staring at the ceiling trying to wish the entire procedure was over. Same as when you have a smear test. It's just an uncomfortable, unpleasant situation in general. I just wanted to get it all off my chest and have some feedback really. Having a scan, in an intimate area feels generally vulnerable, so I'm not sure if I'm being silly.

CyanMaker · 23/10/2025 02:03

When I had that same exam I had a woman doing it and she gave me the probe to insert myself. Maybe doing it that way keeps the patient from thinking anything creepy is going on. I agree with the person who said men shouldn't do this type of exam.

AquaForce · 23/10/2025 04:19

ThreeLocusts · 20/10/2025 22:01

In Germany internal ultrasound probes are used routinely at gynae visits (which women there typically do twice yearly just for checkup).

In years of internal ultrasounds I've had some slight moments of discomfort when checking for cysts. But nothing like what you describe, ever. And lots of talking, typicall. Do compain.

I once (in the US) had a gynaecologist stickt a finger up my rectum at the end of a postnatal vaginal exam. Done very quickly, over in a flash, too weird and embarrassing to raise. I imagine he did thay with lots of women, just to brighten his day.

You've just minimised sexual assault in your last sentence.

AquaForce · 23/10/2025 04:24

shuggles · 20/10/2025 22:12

Medical staff are used to physical contact, and what can feel unusual to us often seems like nothing to them. Sometimes it feels like medical staff are overly touchy, but it's completely normal.

A few examples from my personal experience of things that seemed like they were going a bit too far, but weren't really:

(1) Endocrinologist holding my hand and stroking my hair.

(2) Cardiologist squeezing my arm reassuringly at the end of an exam.

(3) GP asked me to remove my underwear so he could examine my groin, when I came in with a complaint of a bump on my neck.

There are likely more examples, but just can't think of them now.

If you think that third example 'seemed like they were going a bit too far, but weren't really' and was 'completely normal' then you're part of the problem.

AquaForce · 23/10/2025 04:43

deadend · 21/10/2025 00:33

“Honestly I can’t think of anything less sexually appealing than an intimate examination in a clinical setting. It could be the most physically beautiful person but if I’m checking for a lump/mass, looking for signs of disease, packing a wound/changing a dressing etc it’s just not at all in the ball park of anything remotely sexual. But you do hear some terrible stories in the news”

There is nothing remotely sexual in this clinical situation to you because you aren’t a sex offender/pervert. Some people don’t get off on the idea of touching what you describe ‘physically beautiful’ people. They get off on transgressing the boundaries of others, no matter what that person may or may not look like.

The thrill is in the lack of consent, the swinging just past the line in a way it’s hard for the person being transgressed against to clearly identify it is happening and call it out in the moment or later once they analyse what happened or are left with a funny feeling something was ‘off’

We should not muddle typical male arousal/attraction to “physically beautiful” people in with some men’s gratification around sexually transgressing women’s boundaries.

For a certain type of sex pervert touching women, any woman, in a sly way without consent is the whole point, it’s not about what she does or doesn’t look like.

Many women travelling a crowded tube who are by no means conventionally (to the male gaze) attractive have been groped or pressed against by men and in ways that it is just shy of instantly recognisable what is happening, it’s a fleeting moment that makes you doubt yourself “did he mean to do that”

It’s not about attractive women with their pants off under a paper sheet. It’s about power, control and ‘hiding in plain sight’

As a nice normal non pervert man you might not have thought about it in this way, but trust me, these men exist and they aren’t as rare as we’d like to think.

Yes, this.

Sadly the mansplainer will never understand or maybe understands perfectly well and is gaslighting,

'Bikini medicine' and medical assault/rape is real. I've been assaulted by a GP, a dentist and even an aesthetician.

I was shouted at by a GP once for not allowing an internal exam. I was there for an unrelated reason. He was incredulous.

Clutchball · 23/10/2025 06:56

WhenDiedreMetKen · 22/10/2025 21:55

That’s because it’s not generally about attraction but power.

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100% and it’s naive to not be aware of this.

Clutchball · 23/10/2025 06:57

AquaForce · 23/10/2025 04:19

You've just minimised sexual assault in your last sentence.

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Horrifyingly!

Clutchball · 23/10/2025 07:00

YourRedLurker · 22/10/2025 22:42

I hadnt thought about it like that, it makes more sense when you frame it that way, the first would be disturbing enough but that was is extremely so.

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It’s an extremely vulnerable situation for women to be in, and we are almost always aware of our vulnerability even when fully dressed walking down the street.

TeaRoseTallulah · 23/10/2025 08:48

Owlmoonstar · 21/10/2025 10:57

If he has said something as simple as "if you need me to stop at any point, or if you experience any pain or discomfort please let me know and we will take a break or stop the procedure" i would have felt a lot more at ease.

I have to say I've had lots of internal scans and no one male or female has ever been friendly of chatty or put me at ease,they've been fixed to the screen looking at what's going on.

Your husband is awful, does he usually minimise your feelings when you're upset? That's not ok. It's worth remembering you don't need him to agree with you,his opinion is not worth more than yours . If you want to complain you should go ahead.

Original poster

Owlmoonstar · 23/10/2025 09:05

The comment from the female sonographer was interesting. So he did that motion to test the slide ease. That's absolutely fine. If only he told me that.

I can understand a man feeling awkward with a conversation like that, but as I said previously, he chose a job that involves sticking a probe in a woman's vagina, and if he doesn't feel comfortable talking openly about what he is doing, he shouldn't be doing it.

OP posts:

mrsneville · 23/10/2025 09:14

It's a tricky one OP. I've had many internal ultrasounds and they do sound quite like you described. I've had chatty sonographers and ones who didn't talk at all. It seems completely arbitrary who you get on the day.

I appreciate it is an intimate procedure for us but it's the 9-5 for them. They do these examinations day in day out. It's fairly easy to see why they might not be approaching it with the 'gently, gently' approach you were seeking.

Londontown12 · 23/10/2025 10:00

Nightingaille · 20/10/2025 21:01

Did you have a chaperone in the room with you?

Yes this is standard to offer ? I had chaperone and it was a lady scanning me !
if it felt creepy it probs was creepy why would he need to touch your bum cheeks that’s weird !
make a complaint either way if it’s innocent they can keep on eye on him x

Tassielassie · 23/10/2025 10:23

I have had several scans and never had an internal one sprung on me.
Why would you have been asked on the spot like that?
It has always been clear beforehand what I was in there for and what was going to happen.

I certainly never felt myself being touched either.
It sounds off.
The chaperone did not do her job which left you very vulnerable.
Explaining the procedure as it's happening is my norm.

Your husbsnd sounds like a dismissive prick by the way.
How unkind to dismiss you like that.
If this is his form, god help you.

I think you should complain.

TeaRoseTallulah · 23/10/2025 10:33

Tassielassie · 23/10/2025 10:23

I have had several scans and never had an internal one sprung on me.
Why would you have been asked on the spot like that?
It has always been clear beforehand what I was in there for and what was going to happen.

I certainly never felt myself being touched either.
It sounds off.
The chaperone did not do her job which left you very vulnerable.
Explaining the procedure as it's happening is my norm.

Your husbsnd sounds like a dismissive prick by the way.
How unkind to dismiss you like that.
If this is his form, god help you.

I think you should complain.

Edited

In my experience it's common to do an internal if they aren't getting the readings from abdominal one

AquaForce · 23/10/2025 10:51

Ignore the gynapologists - if it felt off, then it was.

You don't have to accept a male clinician if you don't want to. Even if they do everything by the book, you still don't have to take off your underwear in front of anyone you don't feel comfortable with.

Women have put up and shut up for too long.

Original poster

Owlmoonstar · 23/10/2025 11:36

AquaForce · 23/10/2025 10:51

Ignore the gynapologists - if it felt off, then it was.

You don't have to accept a male clinician if you don't want to. Even if they do everything by the book, you still don't have to take off your underwear in front of anyone you don't feel comfortable with.

Women have put up and shut up for too long.

Out of curiosity, if I had refused the male sonographer, would I have had to come back another day?

Or would they have potentially found a female one to do it the same day?

Wondering if anyone has ever refused a male sonographer on the spot and what happened next.

OP posts:

FurForksSake · 23/10/2025 11:38

It will depend on lists and timings, if there is a female available they’d probably just switch two patients and fit you in.

Northquit · 23/10/2025 11:57

shuggles · 20/10/2025 22:12

Medical staff are used to physical contact, and what can feel unusual to us often seems like nothing to them. Sometimes it feels like medical staff are overly touchy, but it's completely normal.

A few examples from my personal experience of things that seemed like they were going a bit too far, but weren't really:

(1) Endocrinologist holding my hand and stroking my hair.

(2) Cardiologist squeezing my arm reassuringly at the end of an exam.

(3) GP asked me to remove my underwear so he could examine my groin, when I came in with a complaint of a bump on my neck.

There are likely more examples, but just can't think of them now.

Unless you're wearing plate armour underwear which can't be moved down that last one makes me cringe a lot.

r

mrsneville · 23/10/2025 12:01

Owlmoonstar · 23/10/2025 11:36

Out of curiosity, if I had refused the male sonographer, would I have had to come back another day?

Or would they have potentially found a female one to do it the same day?

Wondering if anyone has ever refused a male sonographer on the spot and what happened next.

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It completely depends, how big is your practice/hospital? How long are waiting times where you live? How many sonographers were working that day?

JustCabbaggeLooking · 23/10/2025 12:48

Owlmoonstar · 23/10/2025 11:36

Out of curiosity, if I had refused the male sonographer, would I have had to come back another day?

Or would they have potentially found a female one to do it the same day?

Wondering if anyone has ever refused a male sonographer on the spot and what happened next.

Show quote history

I did this summer, OP. It was on a Saturday at local hospital as an inpatient. He was the only Sonographer on duty.
I was given another appointment but I had to stress to the appointments team that I only wanted a female Sonographer as the first appointment they offered me was with a male.
Waited about 2 weeks.

Christwosheds · 23/10/2025 20:36

beepbeepbananabread · 21/10/2025 13:30

This is how my scan went. She stood to the side and put it in without even looking. Never looked down there once! That's what is so off about OP's experience (and the experiences you have mentioned).

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Hmm yes actually I have had a woman do this too. I go private now and have a female team, they are lovely.

shuggles · 23/10/2025 21:13

Northquit · 23/10/2025 11:57

Unless you're wearing plate armour underwear which can't be moved down that last one makes me cringe a lot.

r

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No idea why it's an issue. I'm not bothered by it.

buffyreboot · 23/10/2025 22:08

Tassielassie · 23/10/2025 10:23

I have had several scans and never had an internal one sprung on me.
Why would you have been asked on the spot like that?
It has always been clear beforehand what I was in there for and what was going to happen.

I certainly never felt myself being touched either.
It sounds off.
The chaperone did not do her job which left you very vulnerable.
Explaining the procedure as it's happening is my norm.

Your husbsnd sounds like a dismissive prick by the way.
How unkind to dismiss you like that.
If this is his form, god help you.

I think you should complain.

Edited

I’m fat so they always start with an external despite me saying I need an internal, then tell me they need to do an internal

Strongstuff · 24/10/2025 02:54

shuggles · 23/10/2025 21:13

No idea why it's an issue. I'm not bothered by it.

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Sorry if I've read this wrong, but are you really saying you have no idea why any of these things might be an issue for someone who may be a survivor of sexual assault?

For me, all of the things on this list can be an issue for a survivor of assault, particularly CSA, where autonomy around boundaries and being touched (anywhere) can be extremely triggering. Many, many women sadly do not have intimate exams at all because of this. Imo it's imperative that best practice around informed consent for intimate exams is followed, which includes explaining why and when any touching is going to take place, before it does.

Unrulyscrumptious · 24/10/2025 13:55

Owlmoonstar · 23/10/2025 11:36

Out of curiosity, if I had refused the male sonographer, would I have had to come back another day?

Or would they have potentially found a female one to do it the same day?

Wondering if anyone has ever refused a male sonographer on the spot and what happened next.

Show quote history

You would likely have had to come back another day (depending on the availability of staff) but you shouldn't have to wait too long. IME of male HCPs providing services to women they are usually (and should be) completely understanding and used to women declining to see them and will get you sorted and appointment with a female colleague asap. Any attitude to it or your request is valid for a complaint.

shuggles · 24/10/2025 18:30

but are you really saying you have no idea why any of these things might be an issue for someone who may be a survivor of sexual assault?

Where did I say anything in relation to people who have experienced sexual assault?