Was the sonographer being a creep?

[Owlmoonstar]

I had an ultrasound scan today to investigate pelvic pain.

Firstly it was external, like a typical pregnancy scan.

And then I was asked if I would like an internal exam, which I agreed.

During the internal scan, the sonographer (a man) touched my bum cheeks in a bit of a weird way.

If you can imagine the way your hand would grip the device, he then released his index and little finger and was kinda jiggling the skin near my bum crack.

He also did an in and out motion with the device, as one would with a dildo.

I don't know if I'm overthinking everything. It felt off at the time. But obviously I was just all kinda tensed up, staring at the ceiling trying to wish the entire procedure was over. Same as when you have a smear test. It's just an uncomfortable, unpleasant situation in general.

I just wanted to get it all off my chest and have some feedback really.

Having a scan, in an intimate area feels generally vulnerable, so I'm not sure if I'm being silly.

Update:

I just told my husband about this thread I've started. I hadn't told him prior as I wanted to get feedback from other ladies.

He thinks I'm being absolutely ridiculous. And he thinks I was using bias language to encourage everyone to agree with me.

He's read through the replies and said that other ladies had mentioned the in and out motion so that's irrelevant.

So I doubt I'll complain. I feel stupid.

I fucking hate men.

They have NO IDEA what we have to go through. No idea at all. And it makes me rage.

PLEASE do not listen to him. Obviously he’s your husband, but you are your own person, with your own feelings.

Your feelings about this situation are valid.

Please still go through with the complaint.

You have nothing to feel stupid for.

You will be helping other women by doing the complaint. This sonographer could have form for this and the hospital absolutely need to know. The hospital need to be fedback what happened to you.

I’m lost for words.

Don't feel stupid. If YOU felt that way, then it's valid, regardless of what anyone else says. X

Your husband wasn't there and didn't experience it so he can shut the fuck up and fuck off with his opinions. Who does he think he is?

Men are absolute trash.

I’m so sorry to hear that your husband is not being supportive. It’s horrible to not be listened to, especially when you’re feeling vulnerable after a bad experience. x

Complain. Ignore him. The poor chaperoning and bedside manner alone is enough. Write it out, email it to PALS and they can determine what they do with it.

I feel extremely depressed and weird right now after the conversation with my husband.

Maybe I was over reacting I don't know. Maybe the fact I was in a vulnerable position heightened my emotions and made me respond in an unnecessary way.

Is your husband usually dismissive of your feelings?

You’re not overreacting. Your feelings are valid. You’re allowed to feel any type of way after an experience because it happened to you.

It didn’t happen to your husband, so respectfully he can fuck right off.

Thanks, I wish I'd known that. I was surprised that the dr turned out to be a creep (or so I thought).

I’ve had quite a few internal scans, during pregnancy, for heavy bleeding during peri, and also now to monitor my uterus as I’m on HRT .
Most have been done by women. Three times I have had a man. Two of those men were very good at explaining what was going on, and making the procedure less traumatic. The nurse was close by the whole time. The other man hardly spoke to me, he was efficient and not creepy but still made me feel quite upset, I was really stressed and he was cold and irritable. There was a nurse in the room but not very close to me. That was the worst experience, so the way you are treated during an internal makes a difference, even if there is no doubt re anything being actually ‘off’.
The in/out movement of the wand - yes I have had that most times, maybe all. It’s a familiar thing, they slide it slightly back and then slide it forward again or re angle it. Not completely out though, just slightly back and forth, as well as needing to angle it around to look at each ovary . So that could have been something you weren’t prepared for, something unexpected . It’s impossible to say whether that was necessary or not in your case but it does seem to happen during the examination.
The touching - this has never happened to me. The wand is fairly long and thin, I can’t imagine why his fingers were there. If I have needed to shift position for instance, someone has always asked me and explained why. So that is one part of your experience that is the most concerning. The lack of communication and coldness is bad and would in itself have made it a more unpleasant experience than it needed to be, but the touching seems wrong. I think it is definitely worth reporting the experience you had.

I'm just gonna round up my thoughts after reading everyone's replies, and my husband's response.

The atmosphere was cold, unfriendly and uncomfortable. Barely a word spoken. No smile. No reassurance. Id like to think the staff are experienced enough to know that having a scan on an intimate area can be nerve wrecking and act accordingly. A bit of empathy.

The probe going in and out. Reading the replies it's unclear whether it was normal. Regardless, if the sonographer had simply given some gentle warning as to what he was doing, talked me through the movements and procedure, I would have felt completely different and comfortable. The silence made it feel weird.

The bum touching, may have been a mistake, who knows.

I think men get defensive when they hear stories like this, because they fear being accused of inappropriate touch.

But, the sonographer chose a job that involves sticking a probe into a woman's vagina, and he needs to be told how to handle the situation in a manner that makes the woman feel more at ease.

He has to do balls as well as vaginas, they need the “small parts” probe for those 😆

His silence may well have been concentration and measuring, but he absolutely could and should have spoken in between and reassured and got informed consent and been properly chaperoned.

I can’t see any reason why he had to touch your bum area with his hands at all. I’ve had a lot of internal scans and they do sometimes have to readjust the wand or bring it in/out to get the correct position. Sometimes you just have to go with your gut feeling and it sounds like at the very least he needs some extra training on how to be compassionate and professional.

If he has said something as simple as "if you need me to stop at any point, or if you experience any pain or discomfort please let me know and we will take a break or stop the procedure" i would have felt a lot more at ease.

And if you don’t complain nothing will change. I am not saying you are responsible for his manner or training but passing on feedback is the only way to even try and change things. They want feedback!

This is what the lady who did my scan told me. To let her know if it got too much at any point and and we could take a break. The whole thing was too much, but I just grinned and beared it because I wanted it to be over quickly. But anyway that's not the point.

Please complain. Your husband (as much as I'm sure he cares about you) doesn't understand. Don't let that sway your feelings. You weren't overreacting.

I'm a SA victim and even though the scan I got was an unpleasant process, I didn't feel violated or too triggered and I'm so super hypersensitive. So if you came away feeling off in anyway, you need to trust that that is because something wasn't quite right with the process. Even just complaining about the lack of talking and reassurance is something! Please make a complaint. Just keep it all facts, but state that you felt mentally/emotionally uncomfortable during and after the process.

Thankyou for sharing your experiences. Sending love.

None of these, except possible the arm squeeze are remotely normal wtf. I had a swollen lymph node on my groin, wasn't even necessary to remove my underwear for GP to examine, they simply moved it to the side (with a chaperone present and asking me before they asked if they could move my underwear to the side)

If the bum touching was a mistake he should have said sorry though, please don't give them an unnecessary benefit of the doubt. Any time a HCP intends to touch you they should ask. If they've touched you without intending to (especially in an intimate area!) a simple "I'm so sorry my hand slipped " or whatever.

This is how my scan went. She stood to the side and put it in without even looking. Never looked down there once! That's what is so off about OP's experience (and the experiences you have mentioned).

The last one especially. Not okay.

The difference in positioning is not a red flag to me, height, arm length and ergonomic differences accounts for that.

Yeah, I agree. I've had loads of internal scans and none have been like you are describing.

But with the length of the probe, they don't need to be a) touching you with their hands and b) sitting looking "down there".

The last one I had was a female and had no idea of the female anatomy at all, after the 4th time of her jabbing me nowhere near my vagina I offered to put it in myself! She could've done with looking where she was meant to be going tbh.