To think a lot of midwives are.. just not very good?

[JackandSallySkellington]

Please hear me out.

I am SURE there are dedicated, talented, intuitive midwives out there. But AIBU to think beyond doing obs, most actually do very little in the course of labour/birth and a lot of the time seem very passive and like they just can’t be bothered?

I have had 2 babies at different hospitals. In the first delivery, the midwife ‘popped in to check on me’ now and then and simply called the doctor in to do an instrumental delivery when the pushing clock ran down. She didn’t do anything else - didn’t help me change positions, didn’t offer me a drink, didn’t give me adequate pain relief despite me asking (just kept saying ‘it’s coming…’), didn’t ask me how I was feeling in any way. Couldn’t have been less interested.

Second delivery far worse. I was admitted for induction and after a few hours found to be 4cm dilated. I laboured all night - a full 10 hours - in a cubicle on a ward and despite regular pleas that I was in labour, the midwives insisted I wasn’t. They didn’t exam me again, just offered paracetamol, and only took me to labour ward when I was vomiting and discovered to be in transition and 10cm dilated the next morning. I had really hoped for a water birth and I’m gutted my final labour was spent alone in the dark. The hospital apologised but what’s done is done.

I understand about overstretched NHS etc but my stories are not down to that - in both cases the midwives spent a lot of time milling about and chatting.

I feel like the only stories about midwives being great are when the birth was going well anyway so there wasn’t much for them to actually do.

AIBU to think a lot of midwives just aren’t really up to the job? Sure I’ll get my arse handed to me as I’m aware criticising medical staff is v controversial!

I’m sorry that was your experience, I must admit though my own experience when having my daughter last year could not have been any more different. All of the midwives who cared for me during my labour & induction were absolutely amazing and I was certainly not a textbook case, pretty much everything that could go wrong, did, bit the care I received was truly amazing and I’ll always be grateful for that.

100% agree. With my second, I told her I was ready to push. She said "I'm sure you feel that way" and left the room. I obviously just cracked on. My husband had to run out of the room to shout at the midwife station that the baby had been born. This was a high risk birth by the way...

Over 2 pregnancies I was under the care of several midwives (during antenatal care and deliveries), just one of them was not great, the others were very good!

My midwife was brilliant. She was a 3rd year student so I suppose did things by the book. She got someone senior to come in only when baby was minutes from coming. She really made sure I didn’t tear that time round and gave me whatever I needed. I bought her a chocolate gift when I left because she made that much of an impression on me. I do prefer solitude when going through tough things though, so she gave me the perfect amount of space to labour and moan and groan as I needed.

If we're splitting between community midwives and hospital midwives, my community ones were reliably shite. Couldn't even plot the growth graph.

I would imagine understaffed and overworked would probably be a fairer description

Honestly mine were utterly disinterested. It was bizarre, the second lot were like they’d never actually seen a labouring woman before - I think even woman off the street would’ve guessed somebody 4cm dilated hours beforehand, with regular strong contractions and clearly in pain, was in full blown labour. It’s like it didn’t even occur to them despite me saying it clearly numerous times. I didn’t really believe this sort of thing could happen before I experienced it.

As I said before this was nothing to do with understaffing.

But that doesn't mean that the service provided can be described as good. Just reasons for it (sometimes dangerously) missing the mark

I had two polar opposite births, with my first I was very young, naive, didn't really know what I was going into. My midwife was horrible, I was desperate for a water birth but really struggled with the pain (turned out DD was back to back) and was made to feel useless because I had to get out the pool to have stronger pain relief. I was labouring on all fours as that's where I was most comfortable but was shouted at that I had to be on my back with my legs up so I naively did what I was told, resulting in a bad 3rd degree tear. Traumatised me if I'm honest.
With second DD's birth my midwife couldn't have been more amazing, I was obviously very nervous and was having a section due to trauma from pervious birth. She talked me through everything, gave me extra time to process when needed, reassured me and DH throughout and constantly checked on me, even held my hand when I was crying in fear of the spinal injection, she didn't leave my side until I was back on the ward with baby. She healed me and restored my faith in midwives. There are definitely some angels out there, hopefully in the majority.

I was very lucky to have an outstanding midwife when my daughter was born. She was dedicated, reassuring and supportive. Unfortunately, when her shift ended she was replaced by an inexperienced midwife who was accompanied by a student. Neither of these midwives inspired any confidence and my easy labour quickly deteriorated- I went from feeling very confident and in control with my first midwife to feeling very anxious with the inexperienced staff, babies heart rate turned suddenly and I required an emergency Caesarean. I think a good midwife is worth their weight in gold.

I’m currently pregnant with my second child. It is a high risk pregnancy and my midwife checks in with me after every appointment. She couldn’t be more dedicated and reassuring. I hope I’m lucky enough to have competent midwives during this birth!

I’ve had good midwives in the community and postpartum, just not in labour. It’s so odd. My community midwife was really kind and drew up a thoughtful (but realistic) birth plan for my second, including the fact I would need pethidine as my previous epidural hadn’t worked and she discovered through research that meant a second was less likely to work as well.

We may as well have written it and chucked it in the bin for all the difference it made.

Posted too soon - yes I think a good midwife makes all the difference, as you highlight in your top paragraph. Good luck with your second - maybe you’ll get the same person?!

Yes my overwhelming feeling after my first birth was that the midwives just did not care. The goal was everyone making it out alive - beyond that… no caring to speak of.

I was made to feel like an annoyance or an idiot throughout.

Got another one due imminently and tbh I am absolutely dreading it - it’s not a good start to be going into labour assuming the midwives will be intolerant of you.

Thanks, that would be the dream!

I’m surprised to see around 80% of people agree with me. But it’s also quite shocking.

I think this applies to all nhs staff not just midwives. Some of them are great, but a huge proportion are just not interested. It’s not just a lack of staff as they seem to have plenty of time for a chat.

I've had 8 births.

First midwife looked down her nose at me for being young, kept saying she would have to write that I was married on all my paperwork to spare me being embarrassed.

Second was lovely.

Third had a go at me for screaming so loudly, and telling her how to do her job (I asked her to break my waters) after 3 hours she finally did and ds appeared a minute later.

Fourth kept telling me I was paranoid when I said something was wrong. I was, unfortunately, correct. Then she went to visit dd in the NICU and told me she wanted some time alone with her and made me feel so unwelcome at my own daughters bedside.

Fifth was lovely.

Sixth kept trying reflexology on my feet, I asked her repeatedly not to touch my feet and she kept on anyway so I asked for a different one who was nice.

Seventh one was an absolute star, we were in hospital for a couple of weeks and she took me in packets of biscuits and made sure to have a cuppa with me often.

Eighth was nice as well.

Some of the ones on wards left a lot to be desired, and others were amazing.

I guess it's like any job, there's good and bad in them all, or even midwives having off days.

My first labour was totally mismanaged by the midwives looking after me (long story) and I opened for elective c section with my next baby. I just had no faith in that profession. I see them as obsessed with natural birth and lack of intervention and I don’t trust them at all sadly.

I have a lot of NHS contact as I have regular endocrinology appointments for a chronic condition, and I have to say while care can differ from person to person, labour ward midwives have been for me and others I know almost uniformly awful.

The only ones who say they were brilliant were people with textbook deliveries, so they didn’t need to do much anyway.

But everyone else I know (bar one or two) have reported the same things - not being listened to, treated with indifference or even contempt, almost like the midwives were bored of the whole thing and wanted as little to do with it as possible.

No some are shit at their job.

I didn’t have regular contractions with either of my births and I was never observed at 10cm as both my pushing stages were 15 minutes. Midwives as individuals were okay but generally the whole thing was a shit show. With DC2 I didn’t get a midwife visit me the day after birth, was expected to drive 30 minutes with a catheter in because there were no community midwives in my area. DH was working (took a later paternity leave) and we had a toddler to collect from nursery. They eventually sent a midwife assistant who could do observations on the baby but wasn’t qualified to look at me. I had blood in my urine and was generally unwell. When end up back in hospital I had swabs for infection and was called 6 weeks later to say all clear. I made a joke that I’d assumed so given baby was 6 weeks old and she said they were “only taken on the 28” and I said “of the previous month”. I was met with silence.

Agree. I don’t trust any midwife understandably though my own experience.

I see these incredible online videos of midwives in other countries encouraging the ladies to use birthing aids, massaging their backs, offering sips of drink, asking them in depth questions clearly trying to gage how they feel and what direction things are going in, suggesting baths or showers, just being very proactive and in tune with the labour. I just wonder why our midwives seem to be so disconnected by comparison.

And before someone says they’re too busy, mine honestly weren’t - one sat on the computer in the corner of the room for hours and only came over to do obs.

1st Labour - brilliant midwife. Outstanding. I actually had 2 as there was a shift change but the first one wanted to wait as she knew I was very close!

2nd Labour - I honestly think I’d have been better on my own. I was having contractions every 2 minutes so it was slow progress making it down the corridor on the ward as every contraction I dropped onto all fours. No one helped (DH was parking the car). 2 midwife’s stood at the desk talking as I slowly made my way towards them. An hour after getting to a room I said I wanted to push, midwife ignored me. I told her ‘baby needs to come now, I don’t know why she’s not’ . She argued with me that I was wrong and would be hours. I insisted and she started reading me the riot act about dangers of being checked too regularly. I insisted. DD was caught up on a flap of skin (who knows what flap of skin or what it was doing there). She pushed that out the way and DD came out with a bang as my waters finally broke and everything erupted.
I was left with my legs in stirrups for over 45 mins waiting to be stitched up as ‘you’re a mess so I need someone to come and do it as I don’t know what to put where’. With DD behind me so I couldn’t see her. She was fine, but I was distraught as I just wanted to hold her.
she was a young midwife and I think she just couldn’t fathom that I was going a lot faster than the textbooks said. I really hope she learnt and isn’t still as awful.

Sorry for the poor experiences. My midwives were lovely. The first time we went for a check at the unit when DS was tiny one of them ladies who delivered him was in the office but came dashing out to give me a big hug and see DS. The only thing I find a bit odd (but totally get why she might choose to do it) is that the midwife I saw for all my appointments is a friend of a friend so I’ve seen her a few times since at social events and she doesn’t show so much of a glimmer of recognition. It’s a strange for me to see the person who was there at emotional moments like when I first heard his heartbeat and such pretend she’s never met me, but I appreciate I’m just one of 100s for her and she obviously wants to keep work and social life totally separate.

I had terrible experience, my friends from our NCT group had shocking stories, and many of my friends have terrible memories.

not being listened to, treated with indifference or even contempt, almost like the midwives were bored of the whole thing and wanted as little to do with it as possible.
exactly that, and worst.

Shame because I am sure there are some amazing professionals, and it must be really hard to work efficiently when you are surrounded by incompetence and unwillingness, but it's depressing that's it'a a common theme.